I suppose I'd be classed as part of the 'binge drinking epidemic', but I don't think my drinking patterns can be so easily pinholed 'alcoholic' 'binge drinker' etc.
One thing I can say - yes I have a problem with alcohol, that is very obvious.
Secondly, I drink for fun only - I'm not trying to cover up any unpleasant or stressful aspects of my life, well, fun and the fact that it is a very addictive drug.
I never go out with the intention of getting drunk, it's always 'just for a couple', but of course that never happens. Once I start I can't stop, I go to later and later bars as the pubs shut, I bribe landlords to stay open later, the thought of 'the end of the night' is horrible.
Then the trouble really starts, if I wake up drunk I want to continue and go straight to the pub, this can go on for several days until my body can't take it anymore and I have a hideous of withdrawal, truly hellish, and it makes me wonder how I could possibly put myself through that time and time again - I just can't summon the memories of those withdrawal days when I'm drinking. Of course during these 'benders' I end up getting in trouble and being barred but I can't deny that I am having fun at the time.
I never drink at home - I have some lagers here and some wine, they are never touched, I don't even notice them. Once I have recovered I am very much a normal person going about a normal life with no craving or little voice saying 'just have one'. Then maybe a week later when the drinking memories seem far away I'm invited out and because I appear to be 'cured' I don't see any problem - what's the worst that could happen? And the cycle starts again.
The annoying thing is though I can drink in moderation, I can go out and have three pints and come home - it's difficult, but I can do it - the only thing is, why stop? And the alcohol overrides the awful memories and what will happen.
It's the height of denial but in many ways I blame this country (the UK). I spent the summer in France, had wine with meals and maybe the odd brandy at the weekend - a very normal relationship to alcohol in other words. As soon as I come back here the craziness returns.
Being on prozac and valium do not help either, and the alcohol is probably stopping them working anyway.
So what am I? What can I do? You have to want to stop, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't - in the meantime I'm damaging my health, but I don't want to stop having fun.. oh what to do.. I hope this sounds familiar to some people and would welcome any comments or advice
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