Need Some Advise

[Gidget1016]

I'm relatively new here and need some advise......Today is AF Day No. 8 for me. While I'm excited, I'm guarded because I feel like there is the potential for me to slip. This is the longest I've gone in probably at least 8 years. Went out to dinner last night with my Husband for our Anniversary and I wanted a drink so bad (wine is the big problem). I almost had that "screw it thought...I've been good for 7 days". Anyway, it scared me that I had those feelings. It was the first alcohol free dinner that I had with my husband in 4 years and he didn't drink in order to help me but it made me realize how vunerable I still am.

I'm supposed to go away this weekend with the girls for 2 days. The group I'm going with aren't really big drinkers, but I know that they will probably want to drink some, since they are away from husbands, kids, etc...but they aren't the ones with the problem. I'm thinking about not going because I don't trust myself not to give in. Their feelings are going to be hurt if I don't go and if I tell them why I don't think I should go, they will probably say they won't drink but I don't want to ruin there good time. For some reason, I feel the need to be close to home right now. I thought this would be easier but I'm finding out that this is serious business and I shouldn't be over-confident.

Any advise would be appreciated. I credit my 8 days with the fact that I found this site. You guys are awesome!

Thanks,
Gidget

[mylife]

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Hello Gidget and Welcome!

I have to say you are doing so well and being so self aware, that is really wonderful.

From experiences I have had, I would really recommend maybe skipping the weekend with the girls at this point. As you saw last night that voice can crop up and you could tell yourself "I'll only have one" etc. etc. It is really something you have to be very watchful of in the beginning. However, I have heard from long term folks here that it does get easier and easier, so I'm moving ahead with that in mind!

Good luck on your journey.

[prancy]

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G, I can totally relate. I am on day 7 and have had to do a 30 anniversary dinner, hotel, and spa (mine), and dinner out with friends, all already planned. I have about three more things that I can't get out of in the next two weeks. They are challenging and I try to get out of the ones I can to make it easier in the beginning.
You could probably do it if you set your mind to it, but if they are your friends, they will forgive you if you back out. Try to make it easy and safe for yourself.
Good luck whatever you decide.

[mario]

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Hi gidget & welcome
Well done on your 8 days, its a great feeling isn't it, Anyway i have to agree with my life,You are so early in your recovery and the people you are going with are going to be drinking that bit extra this time the pressure and cravings would be immense,give it a miss, and wait until you are more ready for it.

[whenwillichange]

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Hi Gidget,
I agree it is too early in the game to be around freinds drinking and having a good time. I blew it this weekend and am so angry with myself. Back to square one, your friends will understand if they are your true frineds and perhaps you don't need to tell them exactly why you are not going.
ww

[mauritiusdodo]

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I agree the temptation will probably be too much (i know it would be for me) I would cry off sick just beforehand (awful but if it is important to you to remain af you need to do this ) Or.. if you think you can trust yourself how about telling them you are on antibiotics for some minor ailment to excuse the fact you aren't drinking? Best of luck whatever you decide

I sympathise totally as I have my parents coming over for Sunday lunch and my mum and I ALWAYS drink sherry and wine together so am planning on using the antibiotic excuse

[Lavande]

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Hi Gidget,

Congrats on your AF time - that's great!

I was nearly 3 months AF before I allowed myself to be out & about with poeople drinking. I felt I really needed the time to grow strong in my commitment.

Bottom line is that we are all different. But you need to decide, you know yourself better than anyone

Good luck!

[Gidget1016]

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Thank You

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Still not sure what to do yet....I'm thinking about just being honest. I don't trust myself to be under control if they are drinking and I hate to lie (I've been lying for a LONG time, even to myself). I know one thing...when I make up my mind, I'll feel alot better...this indecision is killing me! I guess for some reason I thought the desire to drink would just magically disappear....Please tell me this gets easier with time!

[RedJib]

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I don't think it's so important what you tell (or don't tell) to others. The key is exactly what you said--that you were lying to yourself for a long time. Now that you've consciously faced that, and realized just how much control alcohol had on your life, you can approach the decision about social get-togethers with new eyes. Yes, you know now that the desire to drink doesn't magically disappear, and you know that you don't want to live with any magical thinking that you can invite it back into your life right now... If you have any doubts about your self control at the social gathering, opt out, and give yourself more time to get used to your new AF habits.

You said you're still not sure what to do. But if you're not feeling safe with yourself in that social environment, you probably do know what to do. Look after yourself; you and your sobriety come first.

[Doggygirl]

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Hi Gidget! Congratulations on 8 days, and also on the wonderful and honest introspection you are doing right now. Getting honest with myself was absolutely necessary for me to have a prayer of getting sober.

I have also found honesty with other people (to a reasonable degree) has been very helpful to my sobriety as well. I carefully consider things before I tell people I don't drink anymore, and why. However the circle of people who "know" is growing, and it's actually a relief to have that "dirty secret" off my chest. Not saying that is the best approach for anyone else - just sharing how it's been for me. I am fortunate like you with a husband who does not drink in front of me to support my efforts.

Like the others have said, I too avoided social drinking situations for quite some time in early sobriety. I have to keep my sobriety my absolutely #1 priority - it's more important than anything else in my life. It HAS to be - it's this very sobriety that has given me my life back. So that's just how it is. My true friends and my family are absolutely fine with that. They all have their friend/daugher/wife/sister back too.

Strength and hope to you as you get this figured out.

DG

[dancingon]

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Hi there
Only you can know, but you're right to be concerned in such a situation.
If you decide to go, I'd recommend telling them you aren't drinking at the moment (for whatever reason). It does help you keep your resolve.

[hillsidetime]

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Hi Gidget, and welcome. It is great that you understand that you want to have power over alcohol, and not the other way around. Are you trying to stop for good, for a while, to moderate?

It is very hard, especially in the early months, to battle all the physiological urges, and changes, and also the social and pychological challenges - such as your girls weekend. You have received good advice, from several different perspectives.

Each and every one of us has to decide, if and when, we want to share with other people about our not drinking anymore. From my experience, it is much easier than you might think, to say a quick "no thanks, I am not feeling well" and turn down a drink. The old, "I am on a health kick this month" works too. If you tell the girls up front, you won't be drinking, for whatever reason you chose, be it the truth, or other, than the ground work is laid. The urges might be very tough with your pals, but if they are not huge drinkers, it might not be worse than a normal weekend; hard to say.

You don't have to make the grand scale decisions now, but you need to keep adding those sober days together - and the weekends are hard. You can do it.
Hill

[Gidget1016]

Need Some Advise

Thanks everyone for the support....it is TRULY appreciated. Hill....I know what you mean about the psychological issues. There is so much more going on than I had anticipated. I guess I expected to be jumping up and down and feeling fantastic everyday and while I do feel better, that just isn't the case. I feel exhausted and its been 9 days. Part of it could be that I've had a cold for the past week. I've really noticed that problems/challenges don't go away, I was just drinking them away. Now I'm dealing with things sober and it's a whole different ball game but I do feel better. There is something about having a clear mind that makes me feel stronger.

I'm still thinking about going for one day instead of the weekend. I'm pretty sure I can manage for one day. I'm really not feeling like I want to compromise by putting myself there for the whole weekend. As far as the question about moderating, quiting, etc....I honestly am not sure that I can moderate and I'm scared to find out so right now, my plan is to abstain. This site has been extremely valuable to me!

[MissMe]

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Hey Gidget and WELCOME!! You are definitely in the right place. From my own personal experience being seduced over and over by wine, I found the drug Antabuse invaluable in getting a good chunk of sober days under my belt. You may not be up for the "better living through chemistry" approach but Antabuse causes you to get violently I'll if you DO have a drink, so it leaves the possibility of having a drink out of the realm of possibility. There's no,, "oh, maybe just one..." you don't have to think about it and you don't have to have that annoying argument in your head. Just throwing it out there. You can probably get more info in the drug chat room here. Best of luck to you!