Okay,here I go.....

[havoc]

new here, freaking out. I'm not sure what's here. But I've hit rock bottom and need to talk.

[Allie]

Okay,here I go.....

Welcome!
And try not to freak out, okay?? This is a very safe place to share and vent without judgement. Lots of other new people here too, as well as those who've been here a long time. The program really works if you do all of it that you possibly can. Some people dont take the meds, some people cant get them prescribed, etc. but still find much success by incorporating all the other aspects. Just coming here and reading, sharing and seeing that you are not alone is one of the biggest components. We've all been here at day one too... so I hope you find this a welcoming place and can get started soon with the program and finding that better life you are wanting!

All the best,
Allie

[havoc]

Okay,here I go.....

Thanks...really.

Just...thanks.

[Guest]

Okay,here I go.....

I like your signature, Havoc! true, true.
Deep breath, read and post, start learning about the program and meeting some people. :welcome:

[Allie]

Okay,here I go.....

And by the way Havoc ..... dont let Becca's belly scare you; she's really an attractive and normal person! She's just afraid she's gonna look like that since she stopped running.... LOL! Just thought I would throw that in! Figured now that you had taken a sigh of relief, and then this big belly Becca with great advice might make you freak again...:H

Okay, that was it.
Allie

[havoc]

Okay,here I go.....

No, the belly doesn't scare me. lol

The fact that there's a new man in my wife/kids life....made me, decide.

I'm never going to get them back..so what do I do now? Disappear? Suck it up and pretend everything's great? Sit in this apartment/jailcell and drink? Leave Texas and start over where noone knows me? Am I no good for anyone? How did I get here?

I'm seriously scared....and slowly dying.

I don't mean to be dramatic, but, I've lost all hope.

[Allie]

Okay,here I go.....

I'm no marriage or family counselor, but many here have been through some similar and very painful things that either launched their drinking careers or drove them to a point that eventually drove them here for help. First off, I would say NO, you cant sit back and act like the problem isnt is big, bad and ugly with the situation with your wife/ kids as it really is. I dont know the details, so when you say "wife" I dont know if that means you are still married, or if you are divorced, if she left you, or what. But nevertheless, your world has been turned upside down with the loss and you need to allow yourself the time to grieve. Having been through a loss as well that I thought would leave me scarred for life, I can say in hindsight that life DOES get better if you realize that you do not have to let this destroy you. I know it probably seems right now that nothing good could ever come in your life now, but that is just NOT true! There are too many stories of hope and happy endings. Things may never be ideal or play out the way you planned, but you are still alive and breathing, and life will continue to offer you opportunities for happiness and love in time. Regardless of what your wifes choices are, your children will always be your children and you need to live a better life for them. I think you are making the right step to start dealing with the drinking issue, and that in and of itself will cause your outlook to feel more positive. Alcohol is such a depressant! Can you get some counseling to help you sort out your grief and get through this time?

Life can and does get better. I know this may sound trite, but time will do a LOT for your heart. Let the pain motivate you for change, not destroy you!

Glad you found us -- hope this helps a little
Allie

[havoc]

Okay,here I go.....

Thanks Allie,

Its all gone.

Yours words are a comfort...

I've got to figure out my next step..I'm in turmoil. I've been replaced and its killing me.

I don't mean to be a wuss...but my emotions are becoming too much.

I just want to stop the pain. 23 years is a little mcuh to just disregard and move on to someone else.

Is it normal for women to move on faster than men? How do I get past this without numbing the obvious pain? I tried dating....just didn't work. I want my wife, kids, house back...but I just have no say so...its truly like the Twilight Zone...Now thanksgiving, he's with my wife and kids...like their his.....

God help me.....

[lushy]

Okay,here I go.....

Havoc, I first want to say welcome and I hope you will get what you need out of the site. I also know there are other men on this site that are going through VERY similar issues as you and maybe they will read this and be able to add some insight. I can only imagine how painful your situation is. It would hurt me to the core if that were my situation. As Allie said, alcohol is a depressant and that combined with your current situation is just going to compound itself. I hope you can take a step back and try and, at the very least, starting cutting way back on drinking so you will feel better. I am sorry you are in pain.

[havoc]

Okay,here I go.....

Thank you lush.....thank you.

I understand jealously is a an over-active imagination and low self esteem...but I'm having trouble getting past it.

I've never felt such pain, despair. How do people shut it off and feel nothing? He's rich...I'm not going there. he's got what I had. I don't see anyway out of this....

I've never, never felt such loss. Apparently, all our friends were hers. I'm completely alone. If I make it another month, It will be a miracle. Again, I don't want to sound like its not my fault. It is. Its my fault. Mine. For instance, she's going to a hockey game tonight, with him. She never was interested in sports, but I'll spend tonight, drunk, watching the game on tv looking for them in the crowd.

I'm so pathetic.......

[Guest]

Okay,here I go.....

You are NOT pathetic. You are here and looking for help. That is admirable and strong and not pathetic. My husband almost left me too...I can feel your pain. Read again what Allie said.
Please stick around with us. Keep calling for help and help will find you. Things can get better. Please believe that in your heart.
:l

[havoc]

Okay,here I go.....

You're right.

Its either sink or swim. Don't get me wrong. I'm a tough guy. This wasn't what I expected. Never in my wildest dreams would I think I'd end up a lonely, drunk. I got tackled and didin't even see it. Wife and kids are long gone. How do I move? Stop these thoughts and medicating them? Jesus.....

.

[Allie]

Okay,here I go.....

23 years is a long time I agree, and no I dont think you or anyone would think you could just walk away from that and go... "Okay, who's next?" I hope I didnt come across that way, because if anyone has been through it, they know it is not the case. I just think it is dangerous (and I say this from experience, so please know I am not talking down to you in any way) when certain people are not in our life anymore, that we have NO life anymore. In other words -- in my case, my happiness was all tied to the relationship -- okay, marriage (there, I said it) that I lost many years ago. When my husband left me, out of the blue, I really thought my world was over. Really. He just walked in the door one day and said... "I dont think I want to be married anymore" just as if he had said, "I dont think I want to go over to the Jones's for dinner next Tuesday." I thought it was a joke. It wasnt. I had no car, no job, was a stay-at-home Mom and he just walked out. We didnt know where he was for months. His own family didnt. The torment I lived with was indescribable. Thats when I started drinking. I never drank before. Anyway -- the answers were not simple, and things did not get better overnight, or the next week or month. It took years, but I vowed early on that I was not going to let it destroy me. That was 14 years ago, and I still go through pain at times with it because we have children together. If someone would have shown me a little video clip of my current life (like a glimpse into the future) back then of my life now, I would have never believed it was possible. I would have said that I could never love again, that my life was over. Just please dont spend all of your time watching for them in the crowd.... but turn off the T.V., and start thinking about where YOU can be in one year, two years, five years from now. You have to start living for YOU and not bury yourself with the death of your marriage. Do you have partial custody of your children? Do you get to be a part of their lives? If so, there is so much you can still impart to them, positive or negative. My heart breaks for you. I hope you can begin a path of healing. Its a journey for sure, but you can do it.

Wishing you all the best.:l
Allie

[havoc]

Okay,here I go.....

Thing is...I'm a year out of divorce. Got replaced pretty damn quick.
I didn't want the divorce....I don't know....
How do I move on?

That's the bottom line. It will never be the way it was. There's no going back. Hell, I've told myself that a milllion times. I fucked up. My blood pressure is off the scale. I use to be somewhat of a bodybuilder, now I drink and smoke like I don't care.

Again, I'm not one to give in and actually ask for help easily. But I really don't see any future this way....

I wish you could know how big it even is that I actually said any of this out loud....

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Okay,here I go.....

havoc

been reading the thread. Gotta respond. I too was in a similar situation almost 12 years ago. My husband left me...suddenly...for someone he met online of all things. I was devastated, and felt completed "replaced", and thought I would never have "a life" again. Thing is, the longer I let myself wallow in that, the longer I put my life on hold. I can still feel pain over the loss of that marriage, in spite of the fact that I have an absolutely wonderful life now. I am not saying you just..."move on" as though the many years can be wiped away, but the fact is, you can have a terrific life ahead...you just don't know it yet. You may have to mourn your wife, but you still have many years to mend with your children...you did not divorce them, so don't assume you have lost them for good. And you may not be able to see it now, but you may have wonderful things ahead in terms of other relationships. I never thought it could be possible, and I am so happily married now.....so take life one day at a time, but don't give up on life. And you came here, because you don't want to give up, and you don't want to drown your sorrows in alcohol either. So you are in a good place, talking to people who know where you are and where you want to be.

Keep talking, and keep listening!!!

Beth