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[okkslady]

My day one, again. I dont know why I cant stop? I went out saturday...made a complete fool outa myself...dont remember. I am still feeling foggy and the effects. I am so embarrassed for my actions saturday! Pretty terrible....I want to scream "I need HELP" but am hesitant to let my family know I have fallin back in. Nobody can help me I know I have to want this and help myself.

[Cheech66]

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as u know this is agood place to start!! Get a plan and stick to it decide what will work for u mod or no al, then go for it and remember if u fall down dust off and start again lord knows I have done that plenty of times keep postin the nice thing is u are not alone on here lots of folks here just like ya gl!!

[EnglishWriter77]

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Hi okks,

I just had my 'day 1' again yesterday so I know how you feel. You can't help saturday now although we have all been shamed and embarassed by our actions, no point beating yourself up - just try and think of what your 'trigger' was.

It is hard to feel we can go out and have fun without a drink - did you go out with friends? Is it an idea to avoid places where you can drink for a while and focus on other things to occupy yourself maybe, or even take a 'wingman' who will help remind you not to take that first drink?

Keep fightin'!

EW

[lil.michelle]

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Sorry to hear this.
You're doing the right thing tho.. getting back on the wagoon as soon as you fool off. It's normal to have relaspes while trying to become sober. You have to remember that it IS an addiction, a habbit and a way of your life that you need to break and start again. It's hard stuff but it can be done. Altough relasping is common it's not ok so never tell yourself it is but at the same time, don't be too hard on yourself. Brush it off and start again. It took me 4 years of relasping to get sober. It's a life long battle. If i can do it.. you can do it so smile and enjoy your day 1.

[okkslady]

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Thanks

Thank you everybody for your replies. Today I feel like laying on the couch. I am in the exact same mind set I was when I stopped before. I layed on the couch for a week n slept slept slept. Depressed. I kinda felt not worthy of being happy or getting up. Does that make sense? I wrote to somebody on facebook that I might have offended that night and apologized to them. I kinda want to post my real picture up so I can be more honest, not hide from this anymore....I feel I need to talk to somebody...

[Jennifer]

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Hello,

I am sorry you feel this way today. Yesterday was my AF day one again! I understand where you are. I had a similar Friday night. I don't know the answers to the why's or what's of our situation, I can tell you that I understand, I am in the same place, I am here if you need to talk. I came clean with everyone around me this weekend. I posted here admitting that I was an alcoholic and that I need help. I know you are tired of being ashamed and hiding and feeling alone. Everyone here knows these feelings all to well. I think we are all capable of change, we just have to be ready. I am ready, I am here to support you if you are ready also! You can do this, we all can! Let me know if you need someone to talk with. You are not alone and I do understand

[okkslady]

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tired

englishwriter77 I do have to stop associating myself with the same friends. The friends that i have all drink. That is what we really have in common is going out and partying. When I stopped drinking for the 3-4months that I did, the calls from them came few and eventually stopped. I am the one who reached out to these friends just because I had feelings of isolation. Cheech I have decided that I cannot do moderation. I cant go out and have a few. it just isnt possible for me. So I have to quit. lil.michelle It is an addiction...I found myself actually crying because I wanted to go out so bad and drink. I was thinking it was because I was lonely but really it is the addiction pulling me...frustrating. Jennifer I felt so ready last time I went alcohol free. I just wonder why those feelings fade? I struggled so much. I dont want to drink now, or tomorrow but this weekend I am going to struggle again. I dont want to do it. I feel so bad today. I cant wait for this feeling to leave.

[prancy]

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Such a sad, sad cycle we struggle with. We drink and feel horrible, humiliated, sick, remorseful, and ready to quit. We can't wait for the feelings to go away. Then they go away and we feel good. Then we feel so good we want to have fun and we convince ourselves we can go out and have a little fun like other people. Then we go out and do it again . And then we are back here asking ourselves why. Every morning there is someone else saying the same. It was me three weeks ago .

Maybe what we need to do is come on here before we go and drink. And give others a chance to remind us of where we were last time. And I love the idea of a wing man....reminding us not to drink. But that would be my husband for me and if I really want to drink, I would be furious with him for
reminding me so it best not be a spouse!
What do you say? To come on here for support before we pick up the drink?

[Lavande]

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Welcome back okkslady,

Good that you have come to the realization that you can drink like a normal person - most of us just can't! Once we realize & accept that fact we have a good start.

Don't waste your day on the sofa worrying - look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html & make yourself a good plan. Don't let yourself get into this situation again. With a good plan & a firm commitment you can turn things around - I did!

drop in the Newbies nest each day & let us know how you are doing!
Wishing you the best.

Lav

[Dewdrop]

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Hay Okkslady it's great to see you back again.

I wondered where you had got to and nearly pm'd you. You know you did amazingly well to get through the previous 3-4 months and I know you put a lot of effort into it especially for your son and you guys had some good times together when you were sober. Like everyone says don't beat yourself up just brush yourself down and start afresh. Tomorrow is March a new month and the beginning of Spring so make it the new start of your AF life.

Hang on and get through the next few days ODAT, you know the drill and don't worry about Friday night at the moment put it out of your head simply get through today :l

Dewdrop :h

[JimG]

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If there's a fortunate thing of sorts it is that none of us are alone and we do the exact same thing and feel the same way about ourselves. Here we're not judged, we support and acknowledge as well as empathise.

Best of luck with your efforts okkslady. I think you're doing great by talking on here as I intend to do.

[okkslady]

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awake

Thanks for everybody's support. I am sitting here just thinking and thinking. I dont want to do this anymore. There are so many underlying issues that I know I need to get resolved before I can move forward. :upset: Tomorrow Im going to make some steps forward. I wish I had somebody to hold my hand and be there every step of the way! I know I have support on the boards but I am alone in this around here.

[Spinning J]

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Hang on in there it will pass. I've been there many times and just the other night I was in your situation! I'm on day 3 today and feel so much better. Take care and keep strong.
SJ

[okkslady]

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day two.

Its day two for me and I still feel effects of alcohol. I think I tried to drink the entire bar. I fought with myself so much before I even went out. I do that everytime. I was with my parents who wanted me to go with them to the casino. I said I would go with them, then changed my mind. It was either go out with them where there would be no drinking at all, or go out with my friend to a bar. I kept changing my mind I did it at least 4 times. Finally I said ok im going with my friend. I am sitting here thinking now that if I did go with my parents I would still have that urge to go out and party. Now that I did go out and party the remorse n bad feelings are here. Hopefully a lesson learned but I had so many. I have to break ties with my friends. I wrote to a guy thru email who really is a trigger for me. We can never be together unless alcohol is involved. We have had some good times but several bad times together while drinking. Im not blaming him at all for my actions but I know I simply cant be around him without drinking. There are other issues as well to where I shouldnt be around this person (long story) but I finally ended the relationship/friendship that we had. It was hard to do but felt right. I have to worry about my well being so I can always be here 100 % for my son. My posts make no sense sometimes...I just start writing and what comes out comes out, Thanks to anybody who reads, relates, listens and responds.....

[Dewdrop]

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Don't be too hard on yourself just take it one day at a time, 2 days is brilliant so give yourself the credit for recognising your mistakes and taking the steps to rectify them. Get your plan sorted out and stick to it no matter what.

Dewdrop