Think I've gone too far this time

[Ronker]

Hi all,

not been good on the AF of late, had a few social engagements n it just went down hill from there.

Bottom line, been drinking as bad as ever of late if not worse.

Last night had 6 beers a bottle of wine n 2 bourbon mixers before bed.

Got up this morning, feeling fine but noticed have those yellowish eyes!!!!!! FARK

Thats liver issues, so taking milk thistle, and REALLY plan to knock it on head this time.

Never had any apparent health issues in past, hoping I have not permanently damaged things.

Seriously worried now.

NEVER been worried before, did my stops for just the better, but now I am seriously worried.

Worry is now added and indeed TOP of my list to stop. THIS IS IT. FINAL.

I think on my daughter and how I owe it to her to be here and be sober.

From this day on...............

[mollyka]

Think I've gone too far this time

Hi Ronker, yep the yellow eyes would be a worry alright. I reckon it's probably your wake up call. Sometimes we need a shock start - use it as such, and as you say, you want to be round for your daughter! Good luck and keep posting
Molly

[Lavande]

Think I've gone too far this time

Ronker,

Revise your plan, reaffirm your commitment & do it!
Don't wait until it's too late.

Do it for yourself & your daughter.
Wishing you the best!

Lav

[Ronker]

Think I've gone too far this time

Thanks for encouragement.

Scared into it this time.

Ive seen Rain In My Heart, and know that if i dont do this now for real, its quite simple, I WILL DIE.

Its like stopping smoking, took me ages, kept stopping n then have one n end up back full on in no time. You gotta quit n its quit, all or nothing.

I need this I guess, its the final kick in the arse, to tell me to stop or die.

It'll be hard but I WILL do it this time n NO turning back, I have to accept that I am alcoholic and WILL be ok, so long as I NEVER drink again, thats NEVER, life without AL is hard, strange since done it so long, but has to be this time, only other option is die.

[Lavande]

Think I've gone too far this time

Ronker,

Acceptance is a great start!
Now you need a good plan. Go to the Tool Box, see what the others have done.
For me distraction was key! Breaking the habit of drinking wine while cooking dinner until bedtime or I passed out. I started at lunch time on the weekends. Keep yourself very busy, get any/all AL out of the house, make a vow to never buy any again, fill in your usual drinking time with healthier activities - I did all this & it worked. You can do it too
My two year AF anniversary is coming up soon & I'm proud........make yourself proud too!

Lav

[Ronker]

Think I've gone too far this time

When i did my 30 days I had alcohol free wine with dinner and enjoyed it just as much, that and appeltise, I shall be stocking up again.

Also of an evening I drank lemonade and lime, which filled the 'to do with hands' habit, and gradually reduced it.

I believe the yellow eyes is not only a sign but an omen, and I thoroughly believe I'm in the "last chance saloon" its now or never, I simply MUST act, I just hope I'm in time before irrepairable damage.

This time I really have learned a lesson. I will see those yellow eyes in the mirror image forever and also every time I contemplate a drink. I will use it as a mental image to scare myself should I feel weak.

I now await my witching hour, I welcome it, so i know I'm started on my recovery time when I'm normally drinking time.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Think I've gone too far this time

Lav...I always luv reading your posts...you so inspire me! By the way...2 years is such an achievement, that is awesome!

Ronker, thank you for your post...you are not alone here. We have all been there. On the yellow eyes issue...I can relate. When drinking almost 2 bottles of red wine every day, I would wake up with the worst bloodshot eyes, it was horrible. I went through so many bottles of Visine drops over the course of my 2 decade drinking soiree that I wish I had bought stock in the company that makes them! And then they stopped working after a while because your eyes do get immune to that sort of thing. Milk Thistle is a great herb to take for the liver...as is Dandelion root and soy lecithin. I had a liver blood test come back showing a swollen liver and I was freaked out to say the least. This was about this time last year and it took me until January of this year to quit drinking and go for the retest that my doctor ordered. I was afraid to see if something was very wrong with my liver after years of drinking. I pampered the heck out of it with milk thistle caps and tea and also ate milk thistle seed by the handful. The good news is that my tests came out in normal range the second time around, after I had stopped drinking for about 3 weeks. Our livers are remarkable organs, really. Once you stop damaging them with AL, they heal themselves from being swollen rather quickly. Your body reallly wants to be healthy, it's amazing what it can bounce back from! PS, my eyes are as clear as day now that I haven't taken a drink in over 50 days. It just takes time. Good to meet you, best wishes on your journey!

[Ronker]

Think I've gone too far this time

Thanks Blondie!

can relate to the visine, carried a bottle of that in pocket for years now.

This HAS to be done regardless how hard it will be, i sailed thru 30days before, this time it may not be so easy, but i have to rebuild my life without AL, dont know what will tell people but I gotta learn to live without it or just not live.

[mya]

Think I've gone too far this time

Ronker let's start together!
AF 3-3-11
I have gained so much weight and so bloated that not even drinking tons of water during the day is helping.
I too need to stop!
I did 6 months a few years back and havent' been able to get back on track.
I'm here for you

[Ronker]

Think I've gone too far this time

mya;1069028 wrote: Ronker let's start together!
AF 3-3-11
I have gained so much weight and so bloated that not even drinking tons of water during the day is helping.
I too need to stop!
I did 6 months a few years back and havent' been able to get back on track.
I'm here for you

No worries Mya, :l, its a partnership.

I have no turning back this time. I think on my daughter who is 6yrs old next week n how she loves her daddy, and how I want her to be able to continue to do so.

The last time weight just fell off me too so more incentive there, lost about 5kg in 2 weeks, prob liver deflating:wow3:

here for ya too:thanks:

[lolab]

Think I've gone too far this time

Hi ronker - I'm with ya. I totally understand that feeling of panic. I woke up just past midnight on Valentine's day after drinking pretty much for 36 hours straight and never went back to sleep. By morning, I threw up and had to stay home from work. I made a decision that day that it was over. So many times I had failed in the past - but each time I got more and more worried about my health. I had escalated to shaking most of the time and I was quickly moving past a "functioning" alcoholic...which I had already admitted to myself that I was. I had pretty much constant pain in my right side but I made excuses - like it was just 'gas" or I'd tell myself that I eat well and take supplements, so I must be ok...or "they say your fingernails reflect your health, and mine are growing great! I must be OK..." LOL! seriously!

Like you, I don't believe I have a choice at this stage in the game. Each time my mind starts playing those silly tricks on me - trying to convince me that I really wasn't THAT bad - I could have a drink or two - common sense and my soul kick in and remind me that I don't want to die.What a mess that would make of so many lives....

You're doing great....keep on going...:-)

[Wagoneer]

Think I've gone too far this time

Best of luck to all of you friends. It is hard, but it is life or death. I chose life and for the past four months it has been freakin awesome. Stay strong and stick around. This place has been a huge lifesaver for me. I love these people.

[Ronker]

Think I've gone too far this time

first day over, had fruit juice last night.

woke up this morning, feel bit better but eyes still a mess...... on the milk thistle

still worried, ive learned my lesson, just hope the yellow eyes will go away to show liver on mend!

thanks everyone

[mya]

Think I've gone too far this time

Day one for you and Day one for me!
Great job!

[louie]

Think I've gone too far this time

Ronker,

I am back on this site (again) as i know I have serious issues with AL, and like you, the 'yellow eyes', which I am seriously worried about. I am extremely bloated and am totally over being presumed I am heavily pregnant when I am not, and i know all of this falls plainly on alcohol abuse - mine.

But I want to live, I have so much to live for and look forward to. I am only 40 years old, and I look like crap, but I am lucky to have a wonderful life, if I just open myself up to it and let go of AL which quite frankly is f#@$ing it all up. I'm an intelligent woman (I would like to think) and I hope I have not left things too late health wise.

So this is Day 13 AL free, and every day is tough for me unfortunately, but i have to do this. I hope you don't mind me posting on this thread, but I am sending massive cyber support!! Like Wagoneer I choose life.

Congrats on Day 1, and you too Mya!!

Oh, and Ronker, see you are in Sydney, my home when I can get back there, I miss it terribly. You are very lucky to live there.