Alcohol to deal with stress/sadness

[Frenchman]

Dear friends,

I am sad today. I went back to drinking after I made myself a promise and stayed away from AL for 5 days. The trigger was a loss of employment coupled with the denial of my home loan modification. I turned to alcohol for instant relief and it did the job very well. I numbed my pain and forgot my worries all evening with the help of half a bottle of wine and four beers. I wake up this morning and I am sad to have broken my word again and to have damaged my brain again.

What is the threadhold of time needed to overcome those reactions? Those of you that have abstained from AL for weeks or more, how did you deal with pain as it came to your life initially? When did turning to AL wasn't such a powerful solution anymore?

Thank you, Patrick.

[mylife]

Alcohol to deal with stress/sadness

Hello Frenchman,

I think many of us used Alcohol as a way of self-medicating. I had to realize for myself it was okay to feel bad and just feel the pain of it without having to run to AL. All the Alcohol does is postpone and the bad feelings and then they are worse as a result of adding the drinking to whatever the first problem was.

It is also just a bad habit that takes time to break. They say 21 days to make or break a habit but I think with AL it's more than that. However, eventually those feelings of wanting to run to AL for relief will go away if you stay away from that habit for some time.

Good luck to you and so sorry to hear about your problems! Things will get better!

[Audrey14]

Alcohol to deal with stress/sadness

Hi Frenchman!!!

Wine for me started to be as a remedy for pain and loss 8 years ago... During divorce..Than after each broken relationship or death of close person dragged me to more ml of this drink..
Than i understood 2 important things: i have addiction..from relationship..and AL.. i have to cure both..al is never a solution because you need more and regulary..you have to heal your pain and sadness..

I'm still on the road which leads to sobriety...

Audrey

[Lavande]

Alcohol to deal with stress/sadness

Hi Frenchman,

Like Sheri, I too develop a zero tolerance policy toward AL, had to!
Once you accept that AL never ever really helps you it gets easier.
Last April when I was 1 year & 1 month AF my husband decided to walk away from our 36 year marriage. He gave no warning whatsoever. Something in his head just snapped & he ran. That would obviously have been a good time for me to give up my quits but I honestly never considered it. When I took some time to process the whole situation I realized that drinking & smoking again would not make anything better. He's been an unhappy person all his life & I can't do a thing to change that.

Look for a more positive outlet for your worries, solutions for your troubles. Do anything but don't continue to add problems on top of existing problems. I have found a lot of comfort in reading, meditation, listening to music from happier times, spending time with my kids & grandkids.

I hope you find your way back very soon & continue on your journey.
You deserve it!

Lav

[JimG]

Alcohol to deal with stress/sadness

Gday

The reason al seemingly 'helps' in times of stress and crisis (for me) is because it has a numbing effect. As with Audrey I have a habit of being in dysfunctional relationships which affect me during the time we're together then when we separate. The alcohol relaxes my mind but after the fact when sober, all the trauma is magnified by the depressive effects of drinking.

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for relapsing. 5 days abstinance is a fantastic effort and you should congratulate yourself for that. Also, look at it as learning. You know what may trigger you in the future so you may need to think about what you may do when tempted to drink when traumatised / stressed / upset.

Take care and best wishes

[Bean]

Alcohol to deal with stress/sadness

Hey Patrick

I read this somewhere (probably on here): "Feelings are just feelings, they won't kill you. Alcohol will".

It's a good sign that you slipped once, you know exactly why you did it and you came right here to ask for help to figure out how to break the feeling numbing cycle. I wrote in another post about a talk I saw on TED.com ("The Power of Vulnerability" by Brene Brown) - the speaker pointed out that when we drink to numb the bad feelings, we also numb the good feelings because we can't selectively numb.

I finally decided I was sick of living a largely joyless life just for the opportunity to numb myself through the really really sucky bits (oh, and the normal bits, and because it was Monday or Wednesday or the weekend, or not the weekend, or a party or I was lonely/bored/tired/hungry/feeling reckless etc etc).

Good job on your 5 AF days. Just keep plugging away at it and they will start to add up more and more. I've got 60+ AF days under my belt now and even though there are (naturally) still temptations to drink, each day AF makes me more determined not to break this good streak I am on.
Good luck to you, keep reading and posting and I'm sure we'll be hearing success stories from you soon!

Bean

[coalfire]

Alcohol to deal with stress/sadness

"Feelings are just feelings, they won't kill you. Alcohol will". Thats really good Bean. One to remember the next time the beast strikes.