I guess I can't moderate....

[WineBGone]

I went all of January AF, and decided that in February, I would try to moderate. Well guess what?

yes you are right, it didn't work. Within a week I was back to drinking a bottle of wine a night and feeling like crap the next morning. Today I start over again, this time knowing I cannot moderate.

I do this with mixed emotions. When I quit in January, I always knew I would go back to drinking, once I proved to myself that I was not an alcoholic and could go a month without drinking. Now I know that I must quit completely and forever....... And this is a difficult realization for me. It means a complete lifestyle change which unfortunately may mean new friends and activities.

Please wish me well as I now start a lifetime ahead alcohol free.

Jim

[Doggygirl]

I guess I can't moderate....

Hi WBG. I too really struggled with the idea of never drinking again. The way I view it, I COULD drink - free country and all that. The truth is, I cannot SAFELY drink, ever. End of story.

Finally accepting that has been the best thing I ever did for myself. Yes it was hard at first. Yes, my life is vastly different today that how it used to be. But you know what? For me, in the later years, drinking CONSUMED me. If I wasn't drinking, I was thinking/ planning to drink or recovering from drinking (hungover). I wan't really living any more. Drinking certainly ceased to be fun.

I have new friends today. I have new hobbies and interests today. I have new business ventures today. All because I'm sober. It's FABULOUS.

The changes will seem scary at first, but I'm betting this will be the best thing you ever do for yourself as well.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[Wagoneer]

I guess I can't moderate....

Jim - I wish you the best. Stay around, read, post, vent and know you are among friends who have gone through what you are going through now. You can totally do this.

[damo180]

I guess I can't moderate....

Hi Jim,
Dont be too hard on yourself. You know now moderating doesnt work for you.
I know its very difficult to think "I cant drink EVER AGAIN", try not to. As they say ODAT.
I am sure real friends will still be there for you.
I had and have to stop seeing my "drinking buddies" for a while.

Stick close by here and your AF days will start building again. You abstained for January, I know you can get going again.
Give it your all, we are all rooting for you.

All the best
Damo

[Lavande]

I guess I can't moderate....

Wishing you the best WBG!
Once I quit I decided to just stay quit. I didn't think I had it in me to attempt to moderate.
Nearly 2 years later I am very, very happy I made that decision. You can do it too

Lav

[greeneyes]

I guess I can't moderate....

Jim, I tried to see if I could drink like a normal drinkers after a year AF. I can't. For me it was a relief. I much prefer not having to think about drinking. I can't describe the freeing effect of being AF in a manner that does it justice. It is incredible!

[mylife]

I guess I can't moderate....

Hello WineB,

I went through something pretty much the same. I really hate to admit that I just can't moderate. It's really hard when no big thing has happened in our lives and we just realize internally -- a bottle of wine each night is NOT okay.

I wish you the best. For me, it's been easier just to focus on One Day At a Time and not focus on Forever.

Good luck with your journey.

[Sarasmiles]

I guess I can't moderate....

I too wish you well, WBG. I've made the same decision for myself. I was AF for almost six months, then tried moderation once again for six months. Although I kept the amount I drank under pretty good control over that time, it took a lot of effort. I was anxious a lot of the time. On days when I'd decided not to drink, I craved it. On drinking days, I always wanted more than I allowed myself. I was depressed. I thought about drinking way too much...when? how much? what if I over do it again? was I okay? I'm so happy to be free of that. I hope and pray and feel determined that this time it's going to stick. I'm finally going to some support group meetings (SMART) and doing a lot of work on myself. I do not want to go back again, and I'm happy for you that you don't either.

Sara

[Cinders]

I guess I can't moderate....

I have to agree with Sarasmiles. If it takes that much work, is it worth it?

Sometimes it seems it is. Such as when you are out and about with family and in a restaurant that serves. You see the bar and think, "one would be nice," but in reality, one just doesn't "do it" anymore and in my case neither does two or three.

I am way beyond you in consumption but we are in the same place.

AF is the only way to find real happiness. Beyond there, there be dragons.

Cindi

[rubywillow]

I guess I can't moderate....

I think it's the hardest thing we face, 'I can never drink again'. But when we really look at that statement, think about other things we might have to give up forever, it seems selfish, doesn't it? What are other things I can never do again? What is important to me? Once AL is gone from our life, our choices become so much easier. There is so much more free time, what do we do with it? We can rediscover ourselves, our former sober passions. Taking AL out of the whole equation just makes it all easier. And, truly, after a while, it becomes a non issue. We may think about it, but watching others do crazy things makes us realize more what we looked like. It's so sad that it becomes so important that it consumes our lives.
Where I live, you can buy beer and wine, but not liquor. I think that was a blessing for me, really. And you can't buy any spirits on Sunday. You do NOT want to be on the roads here on Sat night, when the drinkers are making their last run to get beer/wine for Sunday, after they've been drinking all day on Saturday. Lives are ruined by something we think we have to have, and for what??
I'm older than most here. I can only hope I can inspire people to take stock of their lives when they are younger. I wish I'd found this place when I was younger. It would have saved me a lot of heartache, and loss.
Sorry to ramble on, but there is so much I want to say to help younger people find their way out earlier than I did.

[not tonight]

I guess I can't moderate....

Hello winebegone,
I have come to the same conclusion. I relapsed in October, believing that as I had maintained sobriety for 5 months I could moderate. Was not the case, I quickly got back up to my normal drinking levels and life became an unhappy place again. If anything I now have proof positive for myself that drinking is not a responsible option for me.

Giving up alcohol permanently seems daunting now, but in the long run it is a much better option than slowly rotting away. I am right there with you, shoulder to shoulder fighting this thing.

[Jolie]

I guess I can't moderate....

"I do this with mixed emotions. When I quit in January, I always knew I would go back to drinking, once I proved to myself that I was not an alcoholic and could go a month without drinking."

This happened to me on 2 different occasions since 2009. The third time was when I made up my mind that I could never go back to drinking. As you look thru the posts here, I think you will find that very few if any of us have been able to successfully moderate.

Now I'm not saying that it's not possible - really wish it were for me, but this is your journey and only you know yourself best. For me, I now try to look at AL as the enemy poison, the reason for so much guilt and self-loathing, wasted money, etc.

My life without AL is so much better - you have to find your way and just know that whatever that way is, we are all here to listen and give you support and a shoulder to lean on when you need it.

Good luck :l

[Jolie]

I guess I can't moderate....

Sorry - will someone please tell me how to copy something someone has posted into my own reply Excuse me for my lack of computereeez!

I was trying to hi-lite the part of your statement that said "I always knew I would go back to drinking".

Sorry for my ignorance

[lolab]

I guess I can't moderate....

Hi Jolie. click on "quote" at the bottom of the post that you want to quote - then you can delete the parts of the quote to leave only the part that you want to quote...LOL. If that makes sense.

Today is my 3 week mark. I am still taking one day at a time - and not sure what the future holds. I haven't been presented with a social situation yet, really that tempted me, just the "alone" drinking that I have attempted to conquer so far. It is scary hearing of so many that have attempted to moderate and end up - quickly - right back where they started or sometimes in an even worse place...All of this knowledge and honesty from people is so helpful for those of us just starting out. Thank you.