Losing my way..again..

[keep smiling]

Hi there

I was AF for 4 months and even though it was tough at the beginning I really got a sense of wellbeing and confidence having given up the grog. Well 3 weeks ago I made the decision to try moderating. One beer one thursday night, lead to 3 on Friday, a bottle of wine on saturday etc, you get my drift. Thought I was in control of it all and felt ok with my decision to start the drinking cycle again. I was still getting up going for my early runs in the morning, being there for my kids and husband and even telling my friends I'm off the wagon, which now I feel stupid for announcing and felt i've let myself down. Just wished I could've kept it all to myself because I now know that my mental edge is falling a bit and I'm back to square one.

I can moderate on occassions; I've always given myself 3 alcohol free days a week and I'm generally a healthy person. I know my own self though and as much as I love the feeling and general sense that alcohol gives me I can feel myself dipping into that dark place again.

I really thought I could be one of those fortunate people to go out socially and have a few and enjoy those few without thinking of where my next drink was coming from. Well I have failed that one miserably and it has confirmed what deep down I already knew.

So I need some support. This looks like a lovely caring site to tap into when I feel my resolve weakening.

It feels good to write this down and if anyone is also reading thank you for taking the time.

[vintage girl]

Losing my way..again..

Hi keep smiling

Well done on your 4 months, that is a fantastic achievement. You sound as though you are coming to terms with things, and I can't give you any advice other than stick around here.

There are many long term sober with lots of great advice. There's also people like me, a relative newbie with just over a month under my belt thanks to this place. There are also lots of people struggling with where to start.

I think it helps to know you are not alone, whatever stage of your journey you are at. So stick around and let us know how you are getting on! :welcome:

[Lavande]

Losing my way..again..

Hi keep smiling!

Welcome to MWO, this indeed is a good place, glad yo found us!
Congrats on your 4 AF months, that's terrific & you can do it again. Making a good plan for yourself is a big help. Look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for some good ideas.

If you haven't already download the MWO book from the Health store, it has lots of good info for you about the program.
You have not failed - you have learned a lot about yourself & your abilities. You know that you feel better not drinking & that moderating is just not possible for a lot of people, including me. Life became easier when I accepted that fact & made the decision to remain AF.

Please feel free to drop in the Newbies Nest for more support.
Wishing you the best!

Lav

[mama bear]

Losing my way..again..

Welcome!!!
We are here for you....

[Anjicia]

Losing my way..again..

Just to say welcome and keep posting and reading. I've been there myself and i can't moderate either as my old cycle creeps in and its back to square one. Just take it odat.

[Jolie]

Losing my way..again..

:welcome: Moderation was not for me either. Never thought I could give up the AL but someone on one of the threads here said that you have to want to stop drinking more than you want to take that next drink.

If you've already gone 4 months AF, that is a huge accomplishment! You are on the right track! Keep coming back here and you will finds lots of support!

[allswell]

Losing my way..again..

Hi Keep Smiling and welcome,

There was a post several days ago (Fluff's post about why people drink again after abstaining for so long) and Sheri's response can really apply to situations we find ourselves in with alcohol. When our resolve weakens often it's because of thoughts, which turn into actions, which turn into habits, etc. Letting the initial thought go immediately before it goes any further is key. Although I am not there yet I am sure this is the most important factor in obtaining long term sobriety. Best to you.

[coalfire]

Losing my way..again..

Take a look at kimberlys post as well in the GD section-forgetting what actually happened syndrome.

[hillsidetime]

Losing my way..again..

Hey Keep Smiling, and welcome to you. We are all here because we have lost our power over alcohol. Like written above, the fact that you had 4 months under your belt is a great sign.

To moderate or not is a tough one. Some people can do it, others can't. I know that I can't, so I don't drink at all. It sounds like it might not be a bad idea for you to get some sober time under your belt, to clear your head, and give it some thought.

Hang in there, day by day,
Hill

[spuddleduck]

Losing my way..again..

keep smiling. i totally understand. i had 3 months af last year and i agree, the sense of well being and confidence was amazing. i havent slipped right back into my old ways but i am drinking weekly. be very careful not to slip back. i agree with allswell. sheris reply to fluffs post was excellent. have a read of it if you can

[damo180]

Losing my way..again..

Hello KS,

I really think your 4 months AF will help you this time around.
You know the good feeings and reward that you get from being sober.
And you also know that it can be tough at times, so stick with it and you will start enjoying being sober again.
Best of luck to you.

Damo

[dancingon]

Losing my way..again..

I had half of January and all of February AF, and had just put my name on the Marching through March thread when I was invited to a social occasion and decided to see if I could drink moderately. It went fine and I had two drinks, but afterwards I thought I would've actually enjoyed it just as much without, as I did when I went to a dinner and dancing AF in February.

Then I thought I might try it at home. Again, I successfully moderated, but I just thought "Why am I doing this?" After so long AF my tolerance was so low that a half glass made me tipsy, and it no longer tasted good. But (and this is the crux) I drank the glass anyway. That felt a little dangerous, so drinking at home is still not a good idea for me. Most of the reason I started drinking to excess has gone now, but I don't think that necessarily means the habit you started goes with it.

I agree with the others that you haven't failed. The fact that you could go 4 months AF and have 3 days AF a week, while drinking shows that you can do it if you want. If moderating makes you feel like you might slip back to the dark side, then either stop now, or surround your drinking with more stringent rules.