Advice needed

[geranium]

Have posted a couple of times and lurking around the a site for over 2 years.......today, I finally had the big "outing" to my Doctor, who I must say was fantastic. I initially went for a skin complaint with no intention of this being "the day" but somehow it came out and I am relieved.

What I really need advice on is how to get my drinking problem over to my husband. Obviously,I need to get rid of all the booze and he will notice. My husband is away during the week and I am a supreme liar about by drinking habits. Anyhow, when I have tried to discuss it before he just answers "what problem?"................he cant see it......in fact he brings drink home constantly and yet only drinks a couple of beers in a night. A full wine rack to him is something to be proud of, yet for me its like being a 6 year old in a sweetie shop.

Have my liver function tests tomorrow and I am very nervous. Wish me luck and any husband advice greatly appreciated
Thanks x :thanks::thanks:

[mario]

Advice needed

Wishing you the best of luck tomorrow,and well done in taking this first giant step in talking it out with your doctor,I cant really say much about your husband but if you sit him down and tell him exactly what you have been going through hopefully he will understand and be supportive of you.let us know how you get on.

[geranium]

Advice needed

Thanks Mario. Telling my husband the extent of my drinking means that I have to face it myself and perhaps most significantly, it means a change to both our lives.
Being honest is very hard and I am very devious with hiding my drinking problem.
thanksx

[JackieClaire]

Advice needed

Hi Geranium,
First of all well done talking to you doctor openly and honestly. I have to say when I saw mine he was brilliant.

Now the husband thing. I wrote my husband a letter. In fact I wrote about 10 before I came up with one I was happy with and gave it to my husband while we were sitting together. My husband knew I was drinking far to much than was good for me but I had never been totally honest with him. I won't lie and say he wasn't shocked but after that first initial reading he hugged me while I cried (and cried and cried). He's been my biggest cheer leader ever since.

Hard to do, hun,not easy but probably the best thing I've ever done in my life.

I wish you well.

J x
:l

[Lavande]

Advice needed

Hi Geranium,

Just wanted to say hello & welcome, glad you are with us & ready to take positive steps toward a brighter future.
I highly value truth & honesty, always have. I never bothered hiding anything from my husband. I think I was hoping that he would change his unusual behavior so I wouldn't continue to feel the need to numb myself. Well, obviously that did not work! My situation is very unusual but having the support you need from your spouse would be wonderful yet not absolutely necessary.

I hope your journey is smooth, wishing you the best!

Lav

[geranium]

Advice needed

Thanks so much for the advice.

Jackie Claire, a letter could be the way forward and, indeed, a way to organize my thoughts in a rational way. I think that sometimes its harder to open up as we don't live together regularly. He works away and comes back most weekends, so we both lead a double life in a way. This work situation has put us under stress and I can not deny that it hasn't contributed to my drinking. It has allowed me to drink freely and abuse myself in private, alone. However, its very sad to face the truth that it has also led to my isolation and anxiety.
Sheri, thanks for your wise words. Allowing myself to accept support is one of the issues that I need to deal with. I feel very isolated and ashamed and I don't yet know if I am able to open up and allow myself to be vulnerable. Its complicated and so deeply ingrained in my very being it seems. I seem to have spent so much of my life so far (I am now 40), hiding who I am and drinking has become an integral part of this.

Lavande, thanks for your post. I am fearful of his response because in previous times when I have been to counseling for my overwhelming emotional issues, and needing his support when my mum died he could not cope. he turned away, slept in the kids room , often with the door locked. In fact, me disclosing my alcohol abuse could lead to the opening up of may painful wounds that we have both brushed aside to get on with life for the sake of the kids. However, your are right, without honesty, whats the point? I see to be asking that alot at the moment as I don't think I have been honest with myself for many many years. Thats sad and I realise that I need to engage with myself, and him (somehow), to truly understand how to conquer my drinking problem.

Thanks so much everyone x

[mollyka]

Advice needed

Good on you Geranium! The doc is huge - brilliant to have him behind you anyway! I understand (I think) where you are coming from with your hub. If you tell him the true extent of your drinking, it leaves you exposed if you fail? That's how I felt anyway. To this day I don't think I have ever fully told him just how much I was drinking - I think as a normal drinker he would be gobsmacked. I didn't hide it, just didn't vocalise it - I'm certainly not saying that was the right thing to do, but now it seems irrelevant. Only you know how 'accountable' you want to be. If I could go back I think I'd have bared my soul 100% - good luck with the liver function tests
Molly

[KundaliniGirl]

Advice needed

Geranium, my husband was very supportive. Hope yours comes around!! Wishing you the best.

KG