Back at the bottom of the barrel!

[mollyka]

Back at the bottom of the barrel!

Quick dip in Hips - you doin great girl!!! Love it when the first week is done - its like you reclaim yourself isn't it!
Funny, the couple of times I drank in the last year, both times I was conscious of the fact that in the past I used to drink to make me more socially 'ept' - I've sort of conquered that, and also to deal with nasty situations - I feel I've conquered that so in a way a lot of the reasons I drank have become redundant - now the 'buzz'???? Wasn't that buzzy at all towards the end so QED maybe? Love ya and leeave you the shops are beckoning!!!
Molly

[mama bear]

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Shit Hispter..I juist saw this. I am here for you and I still fight the demon too but doing so much better. When I first started you were one of my inspirations....great job so far and I so sorrry for all you are going through..
Hiya Molls!!

[Hippy Chick]

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Hi Mama. Nice to see you are still around. Sorry to hear you are still fighting the demon but at least you are still trying. It certainly isnt an easy journey. I bought my relapse on myself. I didnt put the effort in as much as I could have so I paid the price. But I am back and am going to give it my best this time. I feel confident and eager to get on with it. Thanks for popping in.

Hi Moll, hope you enjoyed your shopping trip and didnt spend too much! Shopping was one thing I got addicted to last year - I was trying to replace AL with shopping to make myself feel good but because it didnt I just kept trying. It feels different this time round. I havent had any cravings (thank goodness) and really havent thought about what I am missing. I think I was trying to replace AL with food, shopping, knitting (yes, i know, I am sad!), etc rather than look at what it was that made me desire the booze in the first place. I know the anti-depressants are helping me alot as I dont feel that helplessness and despair anymore. I am glad you and I have kept in touch and I feel rather humble and special that so many of my old traveling companions are offering their support and encouragement. It is great to see so many old faces still around the site.

Gotta go and pop into the nest them get the CD's out to send me to sleep. So will talk again tomorrow.

Hipster

[Hippy Chick]

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I have to admit that I am very humbled by the welcome back I have received. I am touched by all the support and comments from you all. I didnt realise how much I had contributed to helping some people. I am so pleased that I was able to help in even the smallest way.

I am extremely committed to staying sober now, something I havent felt for a long time.

This site is truly amazing. Together we can beat this beast.

Thank you all. :l

[Meech]

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Hi HC,

Welcome back. I am sorry it's been a tough go but you are on the right track again.

I too have been struggling. Tried to do the old "6 week detox" a few weeks ago and that failed.

Boredom and Reward seem to be my reasons lately! You have given me some motivation with this post.

For me this will be Day 1 AF. I have company coming over for dinner and I really need to stay sober as they have seen me sloshing drunk too many times.

I know how you feel when you first posted this thread (because that's how I feel today). Worn out and disappointed in myself.

You sound so much better, more energy and positive in the last few days then a week ago. Good work, you are doing great keep the momentum going.
:l

[jane jane]

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HC, you might want to pop in to the "Monthly Abstinence" group. I have found that not wanting to disappoint the members there acts as a pretty powerful motivator, when I have that little sneaking "Oh, I'd really enjoy just one glass of wine..." I so enjoy posting there, and being able to say honestly, "Well, I had a craving but said NO to it!"

You're doing so well. Keep on!

[noodle]

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Hi HC and thanks for my welcome!
Hope you're doing o.k. Bracelet sounds a good idea - I think I may indulge in one too!
x

[Hippy Chick]

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Hi Noodle and Jane Jane. So glad you stopped by. Maybe we should start a new trend and design a sobriety bracelet! JJ, I am going to lurk in the Ab's threads for a while but dont feel "qualified" as yet to say I am an abstainer with only a week sobriety.

Meech my friend! Lovely to see you. Am sad you are still struggling so much. It is so bloody hard, isnt it? I couldnt believe how quickly and deeply I feel back into that desperation and horror my life with AL was. I feel really different now about people struggling on a daily basis as I did that for the last six months. Every day I woke up thinking that today was the day I would stop .... again. But I knew I had to reach (yet another) rock bottom, which I did last week. So here I am. I feel so much stronger and determined this time. I can honestly say that for the first time in a long time, I can look in the mirror and know I am serious about staying sober. I am walking the walk as well as talking the talk!

Well got to go and get ready for my day with the horses... so thanks for your support. I love this site and I love being sober today.

Hipster

[mylife]

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Hello!

HC, just wanted to say your post really hits home. I have been really realizing lately that I need to be very serious about getting sober. It's a big thing to get our minds around, but I feel it's absolutely necessary. For me, the hardest part has been making that decision to say "I quit". Despite all the wonderful things that happen when I do!

Have a great evening guys.

[Hippy Chick]

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Hi Mylife.

Yes it is a struggle. It is probably one of the hardest things to do. I have been drinking for 30 + years since I was 14 so I grew up using AL rather than learn how to deal with the things life throws at me. So now I feel like I have to go back to being that teenager and learn the correct way of living. I have been drinking longer than I didnt. So it is a struggle but I think it will be one worth doing. Good luck.

[Doggygirl]

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HC, just noticed your post about feeling not qualified to post in the Monthly Abs section. Please don't feel that way!!! If you think any of the threads there would be helpful for you - POST AWAY!!!

I really struggled until I FINALLY surrendered 100% (or maybe 120%??) to the idea that I simply cannot drink safely, ever. So long as I was entertaining just the slightest hope of "drinking just one" I could.not.stop.

One day I actually sat down and tried to think of the times in my life where I had just one drink. Guess what. I couldn't think of any. Not even one time. So why on earth did I keep thinking "just one" day after day after day in the later years of my drinking????

Anyway - I too had a 30 year drinking career. Hard to figure how that happened since I am only 29. (:H) (ALL AF Daily people are 29 in case you didn't know that already. Another benefit of posting on that thread)

What kind of horses do you have?

DG

[Hippy Chick]

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Hi DG.

I think I am finally getting it that I cant drink just one either. Now when a drinking thought comes into my head, I quickly try and distract myself with another thought. Or I ask myself what will AL do to improve this situation/feeling/etc. And so far the answer has been - nothing!
Might have to join the AF daily thread if I loose 17 years!! That's my kinda thread....
I dont actually have horses. I volunteer at a riding for the disabled school where we take kids with disabilities for rides on horses. It is amazing to see both the horses and the riders - the horses seem to know they have special cargo and the kids just come to life on the backs of the horses. It is theraputic for me as well as the kids. However this stupid mare yesterday made me think twice about doing it. No not really. I have a fear of horses after being thrown from one about 25 years ago so I am trying to conquer that fear. Just another step in me getting my head together.
Nice to hear from you
HC

[mario]

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Hi hippy chick just droping in to say hello & wishing you all the best. you can do this & i am with you every step of the way :-)

[Hippy Chick]

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Thanks Mario. I appreciate your support. Tried to do it on my own, but this site and all the lovely people here are what gets me thru.
Take care.

[Jolie]

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Hippy,

You are doing great! Glad to see you have caught up with some old friends here. I post in the monthly abstinence thread as well, even though I still seem to be struggling at times. Great group of people there (heck all the people at MWO are great!)

Hope you are having a good day!

Jolie