A Good day

[Beachbump]

Today was a good day - although problems to connect. I had coffee on the beach instead of my normal whiskey. I watch the sun set and the dogs play and felt proud. I just wish I can find some one to help me in a therapeutic way because I'm afraid that I will not be strong enough to go through thid process. How do you perservere???

[Kimberley]

A Good day

Hey BB,

Good to hear you had a good day - sounds lovely And you should indeed be proud of yourself.

What do you mean you need someone to help you in a therapeutic way? What do you need? counselling, support, therapy?

If you give a little more info, maybe someone here can advise.

K x

[stashia]

A Good day

:goodjob: well done BB you know your not alone here and i hope you can find the sort of support your looking for here :l you sound lonely you watched the dogs play tho do you have any other family or friends helping you through this? wish you all the best stay close and post when computer is behaving

[Beachbump]

A Good day

Counselling/therapy?

Hi Kimberley,

I'm a binge drinker. I'm 53 years old with a Masters degree in Psychology and Social Work. I'm an ekstrovert - love partying, laughing and fun and adventure. From time to time I just want to break out and have a good fun time. Sometimes I can enjoy it without doing myself or anybody else harm, but then, from time to time, I just go overboard. Getting so sick that I have to carry on drinking just not to DIE! of withdrawl. Then other times I get very aggitated, can't sleep, etc. Then I drink to relax myself. Try to drink 1 or 2 whiskeys a night but after a few days when I wake up the next morning I've finish a bottle! My children want me to address smy demons. I always said that no psychologist can do a better job of counselling myself as ME! bUT i REALISE NOW, that maybe they right! Unfortunately I live in Mozambique, a 3rd world country with no options of therapy/ counselling - I figured out my best bet is to find someone on the internet to help me through this.:thanks:

[Beachbump]

A Good day

Hi Stashia,

Yea I am lonely... live in the bush on the beach in a Shangaan village with only a husband - he is very supportive, but I need more than that. He is also a alcoholic but decided for himself he stop drinking and so far so good for him. My children are in South Africa - they support me but unfortunately they not here on a day to day base. To find friends here? Not very likely. The Mozambique people's culture are different than mine and language is a problem. Only during holidays we see other people but they are themselves then in a party mood.

[Kimberley]

A Good day

Hey BB,

Wow tricky situation and obviously not one I can relate to myself, having never lived in a 3rd world country, but I can throw some ideas out there.

Not all fun has to involve alcohol - children are happy to play and have fun without being intoxicated, Many of the things I do for fun now are pretty childish - I have a Hula hoop and that I love, I watch Spongebob suarepants (it's not really for children), I play games, I bounce on my bed. I am not suggesting you do any of this, but spending time with children is an eye-opener and makes you realise that we DID have loads of fun before alcohol entered our lives. Why can't we be playful as adults? I am for the most part.

I know some people who don't drink feel they can't socialise as well without alcohol - at least to start with. I have overcome that myself and am happy being the sober person at the pub or at a party - no-one really notices the difference, cos I am having just as much fun as anyone else just sparking off the company. Some people aren't comfortable with being around drink and not drinking - if this is you, could you go to cafes or restaurants instead?

I have developed new things I like to do or have re-established old interests: I am back to reading 5 books at a time, long, long walks which I love, experimenting with cooking.

With your MA you're clearly intelligent - are there things you still want to learn? Projects? Goals? Challenges? Learn the language? Engage in the culture? Write a book? Take up photography or painting? Do you work? If not, could you do voluntary work?

I am ignorant of what sorts of things there are to do in Mozambique, but living near the beach, are there no activities you could do there? Swimming, fishing, snorkeling etc?

Re having no access to therapy or counselling, yes thank god there is the internet. You then have this place, and if you did need professional help, maybe you could go for phone sessions or something via Skype? Or use some self-help websites depending on what the issues are as you see them. Ie is there something aside from the alcohol, what really caused you to drink? There are many resources on the net for anxiety, depression etc.

I am glad your husband is supportive - how is he getting through it? Doesn't he need to talk about stuff sometimes too? How does he fill his time now he is not drinking?

As I said, I have no idea about what there is to do where you live, what you have access to, or indeed what you might personally enjoy, so I have only made some suggestions.

Why don't you make a plan? Write out a list of things you enjoy or could get into, projects or goals?

I don't know if any of that has helped, but I tried
K x

[Beachbump]

A Good day

Thank you very much Kimberley. You've got a lot of insight yourself and a would really like to spend more time talking to you. As I said at the moment I'm o.k. I'm just afraid for the times that coming that I will not be o.k. But now, for the first time of got you people and hopefully this can help me through in difficult times. For socialising without a drink - I realise this needs a mindshift from my side. I always said I like drinking, it only that it effects my health badly. We are busy developing a piece of land on the beach for holiday accomodation. The process of get all the legal stuff ready takes a long time and is very frustrating. So, because we are both artists our days are filled with painting. That I must say helps a lot - and when I'm drinking I cannot paint. Im also a published writer but at the moment there is just nothing inside me to write about. This must change. What worries me most is that sometimes it is as if something trigs in my brain and I get like, rebellious??? - and then say TO HELL WITH ANYTHING - I AM WHO I ARE AND IF YOU CANNOT TAKE WITH THE DRINK, THEN IT YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE! My husband has a totally different attitude. He's a loner, very much keeps his thoughts to himself. He decided drinking is making him ill and he is waisting his lefe - so he quit. He did it the past but never really succeeded for a very long time - 2 years were the longest. Now, its about 5 weeks his not drinking. About my issues - I know what they are and I have a pretty good insight in them - it is just that I actually don't know how to put it in the past... although - I don't think that that is the reason I'm drinking...

THANX SO MUCH! WAITING FOR YOUR REPLY.

[stashia]

A Good day

:beach: morning BB and morning kim hope all is well. BB dont know time difference there as we are in uk. hope when you get up you are bursting with positivity!! let us know how you are doing. Begining my fourth week AF have never done before 9 days before that! now im loving getting up early and enjoying each new spring day instead of laying in bed hungover. There seem to be a lot of professional people on here maybe the pressure of work makes them want to chill with alcohol. what time of year is it there? wishing you a grrreat day be strong :h kim hope we are going to have another lovely sunny day and hope you are good!!

[Kimberley]

A Good day

Hey stashia - congratulations on your AF time so far, that's awesome. It is a blinkin gorgeous day today in London- yippeee!!

BB, thanks for your reply. I have been battling problems for all my adult tlife, so i have done a LOT of self-analysis over that time. Unfortunately, with addiction, that can only take you so far, as it is a weird illness of paradoxes and contradiction. The only thing that really helps in the end is taking the right action.

It is worrying that you already 'know' you're headed for relapse, so to speak. That was also in my pattern in the last years. I would binge about every 4 weeks. And I too was constantly fearful as I was aware of this pattern. This last time around, I did not cave in and, having got over my usual hurdle I am now at over 11 weeks sober and am not constantly fearful. In fact being sober feels natural right now. While I often think of drinking (I am an addict, so that's natural), it is accomapnied by a shudder more often than not.

What is different this time around is that I'm not doing it on my own anymore. I attend AA, which is I am guessing not possible for you. But one of the most valuable things about it is the support network - without this I would've been screwed. If I feel wobbly, I can go to a meeting and be honest about how I'm feeling and get support. My usual falling off point was a VERY wobbly week, but I went to meetings and the desire to drink somehow lifted enough for me to get through it.

So although you probably don't have meetings there, could you take the elements of AA and make your own plan. Something like coming on here EVERY day, posting about how you feel every day. Maybe going into chat if you think you are going to drink and share it with people here so they can support you. It is important to be honest about feeling like that - no-one can help you if you're not.

Also, and this wasn't part of the plan, i email back and forth with someone I 'met' on this forum about how things are going in life at the moment, good or bad. We talk about similar issues we have or have had, and it really helps funnily enough. And the fact that he also tells me things about his life takes me out of my own problems for a while.

Oh and I try to keep a journal every day. This is also great for getting out how I feel and I can look back at my feelings form the weeks and days before and recognise that when I feel bad or low, it always passes and more often than not I'm happy again a few days later. This is easy to 'forget' when you don't document it!

With the rebellious streak, yeah I hear you on that. I am rebellious, independent and stubborn and a lot of the time I have hit the 'Eff it' button and got drunk. When I feel like that, I have to remember where that attitude will take me - usually a week-long binge until I can no longer walk and then horrendous withdrawals where I can't get up for another 4 days, then spend another week with crippling anxiety and guilt. Yeah that's not so independent is it, vomiting, crying in pain, having to be spoon-fed soup by my friend, sometimes even taken to hospital. Hmm not such an attractive option now.

With the socialising, it took me some time to get there but now it really makes no difference to me that I am not drinking socially, because I am actually *socialising* a lot more than the others who are drinking. I am relying on my own wit, observations and spontaneity, rather than it being manufactured by fluid. So yes, it is new and an effort at first, but now I enjoy myself as much as anyone and don't do silly things or feel dreadful the next day.

BB despite where you live, it sounds like there are loads of things to keep you busy, which is great. What sort of writing do you do, out of interest? To get me to write again, my dad would set me challenges - like make me write an article to send to him on a certain topic or a short story based on a title of his choosing. Could you try to do something like that? Here you go - write a short story with the title 'Marmite'.

Re putting issues in the past - I actually think this leads to relapse for a lot of people, whether they realise it or not. I did realise it was holding me back, in part because I had this self-image of myself as an effed-up person who had had a lot of things done to them and who had in turn done a lot of bad things. I once asked a counsellor what I could do to forgive myself and put the past behind me. She told me it just takes time - I disagree now, as I was just sitting around waiting for it to happen and feeling frustrated and like a rubbish person.

I now believe it takes striving to become a better person and atoning for any harm you have done to others. And also drawing a line under your past, and leaving it where it is. The past can not be changed, but it can be accepted, and then you can work on the future.

K x

[Beachbump]

A Good day

Hi Stacia. It's 12:36 noon. March is suppose to be autumm but as we are on the East coast, Indian Ocean, tropical weather, its humid. Likely of got the beach in front of me and can swim as much as I like. Yes, I started my day good. Started a new picture although I've got 5 onfinished ones - but I need to do something new and starting a new creative process. Hope you've got a wonderful day as well. How is weather in spring in the UK? wHAT ARE YOU DO FOR A LIVING? Please tell me more about yourself. Good luck for a fantastic day!!!

[stashia]

A Good day

:heartsnflowers: Awsome post kim you seem very grounded guess thats your independence!! BB weather is beautiful here again today have been sat in garden with a friend having lunch. Am off work at min as i had quite a serious accident a few weeks ago and that was due to being drunk im ashamed to say. Glad your feeling creative again and imagine it must be idylic by your beach. i cant put too much detail on here about me as any one cane read but will PM you if you like. hope your day was fruitful take realy good care xs

[stashia]

A Good day

Kim 11 weeks wow!! i hope i can say that soon thats 3 months congratulations!!!

[Beachbump]

A Good day

Stashia

Hi! hAD A DAY TO REMEMBER...
Yes please PM me. Sure you o.k accident - because you talking to me! And, yes in my life I believe it is only because of angels and miracles that I'm still here...:l

[stashia]

A Good day

Am feeling glad and had big wakeup call otherwise would be still drinking!! Great your sounding happier. can you show any of your work on here?? keep it up BB you will be smiling soon all the way to a newly inspired happier healthier you :goodjob: xs

[Beachbump]

A Good day

Hi Kimberley,

Hope I can finish this mail without being cutting off. But maybe...think I will PM you.!

Have a nice day.