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Deja Vu!

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    #1

    Deja Vu!

    Hello again to all the oldies and newbies

    Well, I've decided to come clean and come back. I am in a huge downward spiral that has seen me drinking from early am to...? I am constantly sick - physically (though I drink so much I don't get a hangover!) I eat sometimes only a slice of cheese in a day (coz I heard it helps the serotonin in your brain:H ). I am on meds for cholesterol, blood pressure, GERD and have gained 20kg. I feel lost, anxious, depressed, scared and lonely. Even when I drank before I didn't get like this. Where did I go to?

    OK, I'm going to have to stop here as I'm starting to cry and my partner willl be home shortly; don't want to look worse than usual (Oh, I'm not drinking just now - had 2 this am and that was all!)

    I shall continue this tomorrow. I think. If there is anything more to say. Anyway, perhaps this is where I need to be; I thought I didn't need this support any more and it's taken me a long time to swallow my pride and rejoin the ranks.
    Thanks everyone.
    Love
    Blondie
    Tags: None
    #2
    Deja Vu!

    :welcome: back Blondie and :l:l:l
    Crikey girl, we've all come back here with our tail between our legs at one time or another ( I have anyhows!). You know the drill - lose the bottles, drink the water, give yourself a stiff talking to, and back up on that wagon!
    It's been said before here so many times, but I cannot fathom why we all keep doing something that plainly makes us unhappy - that is the dangers of the 'beast'.
    Stick around, it does help here, even if it's just lurking, but do try to post everyday, I find it makes me somewhat accountable - every single bloody tool that works is good!
    Thinking of you
    Molly
    Contentedly sober since 27/12/2011
    contentedly NF since 8/04/14

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      #3
      Deja Vu!

      Welcome back blondie, keep posting and I hope to see you around the boards.


      :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

      Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
      I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

      This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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        #4
        Deja Vu!

        :welcome: well done Blondie for coming back :h the fact that you stopped after 2 drinks is good because once i start i cant stop till have had the lot and dont remember a thing!! keep strong youve done it before and you will again keep posting and let us know how your doing x Morning everyone else have a grrreat day

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          #5
          Deja Vu!

          Hi blondie, good for you for coming back. I'd like to refer you to these two threads that I hope will help you get a hold on a new life of sobriety...https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...lan-41280.html and https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html
          You can do this!
          sigpic
          Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

          Comment

            #6
            Deja Vu!

            Hi Blondie. You are not alone. x
            I finally got it!
            "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become" Buddah

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              #7
              Deja Vu!

              Hi blondie,

              Good to see you back!
              Have you figured out what triggered your drinking? Important to know so you can adjust your plan & cover your bases.
              We're here for you!
              AF since 03/26/09
              NF since 05/19/09
              Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

              Comment

                #8
                Deja Vu!

                You are precious

                Hi Blondie

                2 weeks ago I were where you are now. I did'nt thought I will get trough it alive because I was so sick physical. For the first time in my life (and I'm drinking for 25 years) I were so deep in that I phoned my children and tol them - now or never - I HAVE TO STOP. I was so ashamed of myself but you know what - my children and every body else gave me more love than I thought I ever can deserve. THAT is the most precious gift I coul get and that is, along with this community that keep me sober for 12 days. PLEASE REACH OUT as much as possible so that every body here can help you through! Thinking of you...:l:l:l

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                  #9
                  Deja Vu!

                  im stalking you now bb he he!! told ya your doing it!!! keep it up

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Deja Vu!

                    Morning All

                    Thank you for all your wishes and support; I didn't drink any more last night, so feel fresher this morning, but of course my brain is churning constantly with the usual thoughts of self-doubt, etc. Greeneys, many thanks for those links - I am reading through them now and they are great. Not sure what caused me to start again; I think perhaps deaths and then looking at my and my partner's lives and how we're all going to die at some stage, I may as well enjoy myself and block out any morbid thoughts!! No, really, logic at work a la alcoholic!! Of course, these are not reasons, just excuses.

                    I shall get through today and focus on getting off my medications (which is a big scare for me - I keep thinking I'm having a heart attack and ended up in an ambulance to emergency dept) I know it's just excessive alcohol, but my fear that I may have been dying that day was most terrifying.

                    Well, need to catch up on lots I've missed over the months (cleaning!)

                    I will keep checking in as I already feel some release of pressure.

                    Thanks again
                    Blondie

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Deja Vu!

                      Hi Blondie, I remember you! Welcome back.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Deja Vu!

                        :goodjob: Well done blondie on the AF night!! Dont waste your time thinking of death and you concentrate o living!! and getting better!!:h

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