its been along time

[candycow]

i think i have hit my bottom dec 22 i got too drunk and dropped a cig and burned my house down
we were working for a farmer now 3 months later they fired us after 7 years
a fire had been my deepest fear and my night mare came true and i cant wake up from it
thankfully we are all ok and my children didnt lose much of there things i myself lost everything
i think god was punishing me for my stupid behavior
i am so deeply broken hearted
i had a greenhouse they gave me 2 weeks to get everything out my friend took my beloved green house but i have about 10000 dallars of perennials which are in the frozen ground and i can not have
i have cryed amillion tears

[candycow]

its been along time

i dont know how to deal with the guilt of the fire has any one else done this
am i the only one
my husband just shruggrd his shoulder and said he knew it would happen some day

[dancingon]

its been along time

Candy, that's so awful. Thank God you all got out. The rest is just stuff you can replace, although heartbreaking.
However, you could really use this as a springboard to getting well.
Imagine if your kids hadn't got out! Imagine if you hadn't.
We may not have all set a house on fire, but there are plenty of us who have done stupid/dangerous things. I know I've driven my kids while drunk and risked their lives. I have also been so drunk that if there was a house fire in the night I would've been useless.
You have a fresh chance. Forgive yourself and take it.

[candycow]

its been along time

i have been trying to stay sober most days i dont feel i have anything to stay sober for
i wish i wouldnt have gotten out im tired of fighthing this damb disiese
im tire of letting my family down and always being the reason no one likes us

[dancingon]

its been along time

Have you considered that you might need outside help? It might be that you need AA or rehab, or at least medication from your doc to help you get started. Read the midation threads and decide.

I've found it's hard to get a grip when I'm feeling depressed, and you sound depressed. Alcohol is a depressant too, and it will keep you there. Your kids are a good motivation, so is your partner and the fact that people are pissed off with you. But if you're feeling down it's hard to care about any of that. Do you have a good relationship with your doc?
If so, it might be time to confess.

[candycow]

its been along time

i went and did just that yesterday and he put me on antii depprents and sent me to a counslor but all that will take time
also gave me 7 ambien
so right now im falling asleep but i am sober today

[dancingon]

its been along time

Hey good for you. :l
It does take time. You might need withdrawl drugs of some sort, but if you can notch up a few alcohol free days you might find you can come off the anit -D's one day.
What part of the world do you live in? Those from USA and UK are often asleep at this time, but they'll be along. The downunders are usually lurking around this hour.
Be kind to yourself. You are also a good reason to quit drinking.

[Anjicia]

its been along time

Oh hun i'm so sorry to hear you lost your home and most of your possessions. Its good that you all got out alive. Keep checking in here take your pills and keep up with the councilling it will help and the ant-pressants will kick in within a few days, Where are you from?:l

[Chillgirl]

its been along time

Candycow - Im so sorry to hear about your situation.
As Dancingon says we have ALL done insane things through drinking and I have put my life in danger too many times to mention. I just grateful today that I got out relatively unscathed. You have to look at the positive side that no one was hurt and that you have the opportunity to put it behind you and move on.

I dont think God was punishing you but he might have been trying to give you a wake up call.

[Jolie]

its been along time

Candy,

So sorry to hear about your problems. You have already received tons of good advice from everyone else here - sounds like you've been given a second chance to really turn things around. Even thought the things that happened were bad, there is no reason why you can't look at your situation as an opportunity to take today and start over.

Hope you get things sorted out soon and feel better. AL never helps and like dancing said, it is a depressant so that's the last thing you need right now. Is there any help from the community you may be able to get?

Hang in there - we are all here to help you in any way we can.

:l

[candycow]

its been along time

onother day

to answer i am in usa
i have mixed feeling s when people talk about god
i have 1 dear friend that does not knows anything about al she has never taking a drink she says he does everything for a reason i guess i would like to believe that but right now thhat is hard to see
besides that one friend i have no others i am alone my husband does not understand
all he tells me is when our 16 yr old turns 18 he is leaving he has told me this for years

[stashia]

its been along time

:l:l:l Oh candy my heart goes out to you. i cant say more than the members have already but hope you are able to see this as a wake up call and find the strength to stay away from the deadly drink xxx

[candycow]

its been along time

iam just so d*** lonely i know my husband really blames me for all of this he says he will never throw it in my face but ive been with him for 23 years i know him he told me long ago there is no forgiveness for stupid things you do when your drinking
i wish i would have died that night my miserable life would have been over then im tired of fighting
iknow i know im sitting on my pity pot its just i see my dad he is whatt we call a wet brain he is only 65 and has been this way for 20 yrs now oh god i dont want to end up alone and soo messed up in the heaD he fought all his life to many treatments and tryed everything to no avail
i just dont know what to do im not drinking now have been staying dry because husband says he will leave i wont say sober because all it is is a dry drunk not really sober its just because i have to because i truly believe he will leave

[Beachbump]

its been along time

Also feel very sorry for you and all of us did things terrible that would not happen if we were sober. Yes, you do sound depressed - and no WONDER!! tHE ANTIDEPRESSANTS WILL TAKE ABOUT 2 WEEKS to kick in - in the meantime try to be good to yourself and see this bad experience of a "loving" wake up call - because you and youre family ar SAVE!! You have the opportunity to start again. Do some reading - holistic stuff - read, read, rea - anything that can lift you up. To feel guilty is natural but if you linger too long - youre depression will get worse. BUT PLEASE - STAY SOBER!!! And visits MWO everyday. Best regards and thinking of you!

[candycow]

its been along time

oh how i wish i could be numb right now we just went and got the rest of our stuff off the farm my butiful yard is never to be seen by my eyes again candycow perennials is now gone 7 years of work and money thousands invested god how i wish i could not feel the pain i wish i could be numb i dont really want to be drunk just numb my heart feels so empty how am i going to get through this my husband says bawling wont help i didnt want to leave the farm must have taken 200 picts he said were done time to go
oh how i wish god would take this pain away oh god my yard i just want to die soon my tulips will be up
how can there be a god and he be so cruel