My story with alcohol is pretty long. About 20 years ago I had my first panic attack and I started having a glass of wine or 2 before bed to make me tired so it wouldn't happen again. I onlly had them at night and they were terrifying. My therapiist said something that made a lot of sense to me. At night its like all the stuff you shoved into a closet that is way too full comes bursting open. Very true for me. By this point I had 2 small children and and an irresponsible husband. My drinking didn't really escalateat this point but I would have a glass of wine or two before bed to help me relax.
The marriage got much worse and I knew I wanted a divorce. Never in my life could I see myself doing this! I convinced myself many times (at 40) that I could DO THIS (marriage) for the rest of my life. My drinking increased. Never passing out and only in the evening but daily. It calmed me.
I got the courage to end the marriage, very stressful! During that time my oldest at 14 went off the deep end. Drinking, sex ,running away. Called the police several times. I was so ashamed. Drinking helped dumb that too.
Its been 5 years since my divorce and the alcohol use stayed about the same until this last year when both my girls have been on their own and I have been alone. I work from home and found myself starting earlier and earlier until my whole evening is involved. If I have to go somewhere I have a drink before I do. I've been numbing myself.
Every day I have wanted to change. Last Sunday was it for me. I know most people here are AF and I may end up there, but the last 5 days I have had 2 glasses at most at night versus 8-10, and I feel so much better! I used to drink up to 2 bottles a night! Had to numb myself sufficiently so I wouldn't worry about falling asleep.
Anyway, the day after I decided to stop destroying myself, I found this place. I read rh posts every night. Very Inspiring. I want MYSELF back.
:new:
The marriage got much worse and I knew I wanted a divorce. Never in my life could I see myself doing this! I convinced myself many times (at 40) that I could DO THIS (marriage) for the rest of my life. My drinking increased. Never passing out and only in the evening but daily. It calmed me.
I got the courage to end the marriage, very stressful! During that time my oldest at 14 went off the deep end. Drinking, sex ,running away. Called the police several times. I was so ashamed. Drinking helped dumb that too.
Its been 5 years since my divorce and the alcohol use stayed about the same until this last year when both my girls have been on their own and I have been alone. I work from home and found myself starting earlier and earlier until my whole evening is involved. If I have to go somewhere I have a drink before I do. I've been numbing myself.
Every day I have wanted to change. Last Sunday was it for me. I know most people here are AF and I may end up there, but the last 5 days I have had 2 glasses at most at night versus 8-10, and I feel so much better! I used to drink up to 2 bottles a night! Had to numb myself sufficiently so I wouldn't worry about falling asleep.
Anyway, the day after I decided to stop destroying myself, I found this place. I read rh posts every night. Very Inspiring. I want MYSELF back.
:new:
When we finally acknowledge to ourselves and others that what we are doing to ourselves with alcohol is not good (putting it mildly) then we are in a position to change.
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