Day 3 what happened?

[Georgie]

Mornin all it is 7am in NY and I am getting ready for work. Thought I would first share my morning though. I lay in bed after having slept through the night (the first in a long while) I felt great and as I realzed how wonderful it felt to feel so good and not have the lingering taste of alcohol in my throat-----My husband took a pin and popped my balloon. Last night feeling so much better he commented on how good I looked which led to a conversation about my not drinking. I briefly told him about my new friends ( you guys) and he seemed interested. He said he believed in me and that too felt wonderful! But this morning as he looked at me I felt that old familiar judging face (like the kind you get from your spouse after a day/night of heavy drinking. Knowing that this wasn't the case (at least not this time) I asked what was wrong? In not so many words he basically told me that I better get my act together if we were going to make it this time because he was tired of it. Now I know I don't deserve his full trust yet, but what the hell happened? As I look back a big reason I started drinking was his constant judging. I feel crushed. I thought I was doing good and I thought he did too, but now he stomped that out.

[coalfire]

Day 3 what happened?

I think that sometimes we underestimate the hurt and anger that our loved ones feel over our condition.Perhaps try and look at it as if you are both on a journey.You have to deal with your drinking and he has to deal with the hurt/anger your drinking caused. The Rome wasn't built in a day saying will probably apply to both of you in your journeys. A lot of people come on here saying that they feel hurt because their partners don't understand their struggles. It is my opinion that no "normie" will ever understand our struggles fully. Thats why alkies have and always will need other alkies. I would try to be grateful that your marriage is still intact. So many alkies have lost their marriages.Maybe just enjoy what you do have in common and leave understanding of your alcoholism to professionals/AA/MWO. You know the way you wouldnt expect your dog to do the hoovering?Well maybe you could try to take a little of that attitude for a while. The good news is that if you never drink again then your hubbie will stop saying things like that.I think that if we work on our sobriety then other things like that will eventually fall into place. It will probably take a long time though.

[DSLR]

Day 3 what happened?

Georgie, you are doing amazingly well, well done to you. Nobody can ever take that away from you, doesn't matter who they are in your life, even your husband.

I am not making excuses for him or how he has made you feel, but perhaps a couple of these things might be involved. He might not be dealing with his own feelings very well, perhaps he feels inadequate in his ability to help you? He might have slept badly himself or just have woken up in a bad mood?

I would never presume to give anyone marriage advice as I have been married/divorced three times, the last time to an alcoholic. I have tried to cope with the pain these experiences and the 'fall out' from them by using Cogntive Behavioural Therapy and Neuro-linguistic programming techniques(reading books so far)

One of the most useful things I learnt was not to take responsibilty for the emotions of others, particularly those closest to me. I am a very self critical person, quite insecure and always feel that if someone has a negative reaction to something I have said or done, that it is alway my fault.

More often than not, it is just that someone had had a bad day or was 'dealing' with their own issues, but the most important thing, for me, was that I asked what was wrong; explained how it made me feel and why; acted on anything said if it were appropriate or possible; forgave them in my heart for any pain this may have caused me, then set it aside as there was nothing further I could do.

Sorry I am probably rambling now, but I just wanted to say that you are doing great and an inspiration to those of us still trying to get to that starting point. Don't let one reaction from your husband spoil your amazing achievement, and perhaps consider telling him what you have told us, he might not even realise how much he has hurt you?

All the best Georgie, and well done again for Day 3 and the very best for Day 4,5, 6, .......

[Lavande]

Day 3 what happened?

Georgie,

What DSLR said about not taking responsibility for the emotions of others........

It is a hard lesson to learn but a very important one especially when it involves your spouse! In my case my husband of 37 years walked out on me after I was sober for a full year! But I didn't let it break me. I've used this experience to help me grow stronger & more confident in myself.
Like your husband, mine was judgemental, cold & harsh with me & I always knew I deserved better.
I am the only friend he has ever had in his life & he just pushed me away.

I'm telling you all this just so you know that you don't have to drink over this situation or any other!
You have made a great decision to live your life AF - congrats to you! Don't allow his dysfunctional behavior to throw yo off your path!

Wishing you the very best!

Lav

[mario]

Day 3 what happened?

Just saying wishing you the best georgie, as others have said dont let this throw you, keep moving forward.

[Wagoneer]

Day 3 what happened?

Stay strong Georgie. Sometimes people get used to their partner/spouse/friend/family member having a habit/issue that causes lets them have the upper hand. When you take back that control (i.e. getting sober) they think they have nothing to "hang on to". Maybe he feels he won't be needed? Grasping here, I know. But as others have said, when you first get sober, you are also hypersensitive to EVERYTHING and maybe it was not as bad as it seemed. Be patient with him, and mostly give yourself a chance. This is a big change and it takes some getting used to - for everyone! Best of luck friend! Stay stong!