Self Destruction

[LtLM]

Sometimes I think there really is something in my brain that makes me self destruct.

For instance, there are many, many times when I really do not feel the need to drink. I even feel like I DON'T WANT to drink but I do it anyway. Like maybe my DH and son have gone hunting or something and I'm home alone. I'm not having any real urges to drink.....I just do it anyway.

Same thing last night. I made huge dinner of pot roast. We all ate until we were stuffed. I mean almost miserably stuffed. Then about an hour later I got up and got an ice cream. I was FULL. I didn't really WANT an ice cream. I'm not really even a big sweets eater. All the way to the fridge my brain was saying "your full, what are you doing?" and then I got the ice cream and ate it anyway. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

I have considered getting Topamax but if I'm going to override my brain, I'm not sure it will work.

Can anyone else relate?:nutso:

[Laurav]

Self Destruction

yea, what she said!

[twest]

Self Destruction

I totally can related, I wish is was ice cream, I wake up in the morning not going to do it tonight, or I'm going to just have a few and lowel and behold I have to rebel against myself, so I have no idea how I'm going to do this, if only I could have will power like I would over ice cream won't eat ice cream because of the calories, but will drink 12 beers, go figure.

[tumadre]

Self Destruction

...Well, if I'm going to have another glass of wine, I really should eat something to help with the hangover in the morning, you know, coat the stomach, so, since there's food on my stomach, I'm good to go, so I can go ahead and have another glass of wine...

[Rusty]

Self Destruction

LtlM,

I can totally relate. I just starting drinking vodka a few months ago....I have always been a white wine drinker. I can stop drinking wine very easily, but vodka is something else and I have NO idea why I can't stop drinking it once I start. One of my friends who overcame a heavy drinking problem suggested that I just not go to the liquor store. If it were only that easy. Hang in there!

Rusty

[wwbarb]

Self Destruction

LT, the topa will help you. I am up to 150 mg a day and don't want to go any higher than 200 because I am not willing to spend any more money. It'll cost me about $120 a month to be at 200 mg. Physically, it is doing me a world of good. I have to get with this mentally. If I really want to drink, no pill in the world will stop me. When I am really strong, no temptation in the world will keep me from my goal.

I am letting all of the sadness of the week, some stress at work , some celebrating (hubby's birthday and our wedding anniversary - I'm dealing with cake, not ice cream) and frustration at meanspirtedness - let's not forget a teenage son - lure me into putting off getting serious for a couple of more days. I have cut down immensely and I am still not where I want to be.

You have to grit your teeth and say what your gonna do - not what your not gonna do (good point Fan you professional you) and just do it. Accept nothing less of yourself. You deserve nothing less.

Topa is a great tool. Use it to get you over the hump and keep coming to this wonder place.

By the way, I've seen you've asked a couple of times where to order, I use www.riverpharmacy.com. Orders over $100 don't have shipping charges. My last order did come from India, tho. The one before came from Canada.

[Noelle]

Self Destruction

I've heard that when you quit drinking, you'll want sweets. That's because alcohol has a lot of sugar in it. I wasn't a big sweets lover either, but I sure do want them now! So it appears to curb the alcohol urge, although not all the way. Sucking on small hard candies is good. Good luck!

[LtLM]

Self Destruction

Thanks everyone! I know that at the end of the day it really is just mind over matter......good ole "just say no"!

Thanks for the pharmacy tip Barb!

[newbegin]

Self Destruction

agree all the way

I also find myself trying to use food the way I used to use alcohol. I have been abstinent for 2 months tomorrow. I am 59 and drank socially since about 28, then with more regularity. Till the last few years. Daily, with morning drinks to make it through the day only on week-ends that is............seeing my quantity continue to rise. My constant consumation about alcohol, making sure I had enough to last the week. Putting hard alcohol into wine to make it strong enough; when sipping wine with friends. Hiding the fact that I was consuming so much from everyone; but myself. Realizing the only thing I really care about or plan on is alcohol. Afraid to begin a new relationship and have them see my abuse of alcohol but afraid to live life without it. I put myself on vitamins and had no trouble at all. I guess I had just gotten to the point where I either did it or died as that was what was waiting for me. My humor returned after a week, started sleeping better, started reading anything I could get my hands on to on alcohol. Read Susan Powter's book and she really got to me. I had orderd MWO and it came and I decided to try that route as well. I got the vitamins, c.ds and Meds. Day one for me so I am anxious to get started. Hopefully the meds will stop the replacement of food for alcohol. Having some support will surely help as well. I feel better than I ever thought I would or hoped to. At first it was to proove I could; now not sure if I even care to have one or two. But not worried about it; don't want to now, so won't. Plus no plans for in the future; just feeling like a new life has been given to me. Life is so much easier living it without the damage alcohol does to us each day. newbegin:new:

[theislandbaby]

Self Destruction

My 2 cents

I just wanted to share a known fact with you, to possibly make you feel better. Alcohol is LOADED in calories (and sugar, grains, rice, whatever else there is). When you quit drinking, your body is craving all of those calories and a replacement would be eating (whether it be junk food, good food, any food).

Just think that the ice cream cone you ate has way more nutritional value than any alcoholic drink. And really, it is better for you too!

Don't sweat the small stuff. Eat if you have to eat, your body probably needs the nutrients.

I am on day three without a drink and find myself wanting to eat more often. If I didn't have a few feet of snow out my front door and a sheet of ice for a road, I probably would have a few junk food treats in my home to get me through the first few days of the cravings. Unfortunately, (well maybe fortunately) I have lots of whole grain breads, cans of tuna and everything else in my place is utterly day-to-day boring stuff!

Now I am craving an ice cream LOL! I never even eat the stuff! Hang in there!

[Guest]

Self Destruction

Hi everyone.

I find that I cannot eat whilst trying to stay off the stuff. But I forced myself to eat a Chinese last night, and BOY does it make a difference. I think that when you drink to excess and don't eat, you are getting calories but no nutrients.

I take the supps, but they do not supplement your energy levels. Or maybe you just feel LOW whilst drinking . I don't know. Perhaps I am contradicting myself here.

Anyway I have gotten up and drunk 1 glass of wine. and that is it ( until I get shaky - prob 4 PM )

Hang in there guys... I am trying to.

Cait x

[newbegin]

Self Destruction

I have no problem eating; in fact seems to be my new best friend. Haven't started the exercise routine regularly yet. About 3 times a week is it so far; but my plans are to increase it from 1/2 hour to 1hr 3 x's week. Find as long as I stay off sugar I am fine; but once I get it in my system; it's hell getting back off. But well worth it to just not indulge. Today marks 2 months............just for reference. But not counting down to when I can drink; have no desire at all. For me this is a miracle; as the longest I have been abstinent is one month, 21 years ago. Actually have a 1/2 of a fifth of Crown Royal in the kitchen that might as well be shampoo................I could care less. I love my clear head, able to answer the phone without slurring, wake up sharp, happy and eager to take on the day. Life is just too damn good to want to change. To be in control, NOT CONTROLED............love it.:happy:

[LtLM]

Self Destruction

newbegin

newbegin,

Your posts are very inspirational to me!! Thank you! Have you been using Topa? It sounds like you have basically done this on your own (well, you and Susan Powter ) but it is amazing to me that you have no desire to drink ....that's FANTASTIC!!

I can easily not drink. It doesn't bother me at all.....no headache, no shakes, no moodiness. I just drink anyway. I guess I love that high, that euphoria, that calm....I can actually feel happy.....unitl the morning.

I really, really just need to get a hold of myself and set some boundaries and follow them to the letter, no matter what my sick little brain is saying in the background.

[newbegin]

Self Destruction

LtlM
I am on day 4 of Topa and wondering if I really want to do this> given what I have been reading about the lack of energy that people have described. I am still on the fence about that; but am listening to the hypnotic cd's and giving that a shot to rienforce my new convictions.

Like you I had no headache, no shakes, no moodiness, just easily irritated I guess you could put it. But it wasn't my sick little brain; it was that voice inside my brain that was the culprite............trying to tell me it was Ok, why not have just one. Knowing full well I wouldn't have just one................that I wouldn't stop till I had many; so better make sure my supply was stocked up. If I was going to just have one would I have to go to such extreme's? I don't think so! Make sure I didn't have to be somewhere the next day; as I knew I would feel like death. All the lost days of just wanting to dissappear. A 59 year old woman having a full blown battle of wills with herself, the real me and the drinker me that wanted it's way, trying to talk me into just one.....................Finally I saw how damn easy it was to say "Go to Hell". I'm not listening and that was it. Before I allowed it to have the floor, wanting to be talked into it. No more. I liked taking the Control instead of being Controled and It feels so powerful. You might find Susan Powter's book stimulating as well. I know I read it on my 2nd week AF, and it gave me yet another tool to move forward. Thanks for the words of encouragement. Newbegin

[Scarlet]

Self Destruction

Curbing Our Appetite

For LtLM (and everyone else) who is having trouble curbing the appetite, I have tried to quit drinking so many times before that I always experience the sugar cravings during withdrawal. I have always loved my sweets....I LOVE Gummi bears. I could live without chocolate, but gimme Gummi Bears! I think that there is definitely a link between sugar cravings and alcoholics....brain receptors, etc. AND, I always overeat when going through withdrawal. BUT, as others have reiterated, FOOD is better than the alcohol. We've been robbing our bodies of nutrients for so long, we need to get back into the healthy habit of feeding ourselves regularly. I've read that it helps so much to eat at regular intervals when avoiding alcohol, because it's those times when we have low blood sugar that the alcohol cravings come on - at least for me. I've also read (Roberta actually said this in her book, I think) that avoiding sugar can help with the alcohol cravings. I have found this helps as well. ALTHOUGH, in the beginning - those first few days of withdrawal......if I have to choose between Gummi Bears and alcohol......I am thinking that the Gummi Bears is the obvious "better choice".

A few months ago when I was being rather "good" for a couple of weeks (abstaining), I found that being on the South Beach Diet helped curb my alcohol craving. I am sure that this is because for the first couple of weeks, sugar is eliminated from the diet. Not advocating a specific diet for ANYONE, but trying to give some friendly advice.

And LtLM.......overindulging in roast beef and ice cream is a far cry better than overindulging in alcohol

I believe that most alcoholics tend to overindulge in most everything anyway......when I exercise, it is to excess........when I eat, often it's to excess........and when I drink, most definitely it is to excess. I most definitely choose abstinence when it comes to alcohol. I have tried moderation too many times to know that it just doesn't work for me. BUT, if I can find some moderation in eating, exercising......and the rest of my life......then life will be good!

Scarlet