Coping with death

[Softy]

How the hell am I going to cope? My dear old lovely mum will not be here soon, she has been given just days. When my dad died I didn't drink that day but the day after I bought a bottle of whisky and four cans of lager. What do I do this time to cope? Grief hasn't hit me yet but I fear a meltdown:upset:

[vintage girl]

Coping with death

Softy, I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your Mum. I am praying that you stay strong my friend. Please know that all your friends here on MWO are with you in spirit. You have been such an inspiration to me, I wish I could find the words to help you.

AL won't take away the grief, despair and anguish you are feeling, nothing will. That's how you are meant to feel at a time like this. Stay strong Softy, sending you a massive hug, wish I could say or do more. :l

[JackieClaire]

Coping with death

Oh Softy,
What can I say. I feel for you I really do.:l

The thing is,hun, you will cope and you will cope brilliantly. I know you will and without using alcohol to numb you.

Anyway how long would that numbness last, 2 or 3 perhaps 4 hours?

Spend some time with your mum just talking perhaps about old family pets, her youth, her children, even what the weather's like. She'll be able to hear your voice and know some one is there with her.

Big hugs, to you softy.:l

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Coping with death

Oh I am so sorry to hear your tragic news Softy, I wish I had words of advice and comfort to offer you. All I can say is drinking yourself to oblivion is probably not what your mum would want and hiding from your awful feelings of grief through AL will only prolong the pain. Easy for me to say, I know :l I wish you strength.

[madmans]

Coping with death

i am really sorry to hear your news about your mother Softy and i never know what to say at times like these. You didn't think you could get over 2 month's sober but you did. How many other things have you done since you have got sober that you didn't think you would be able to ? . Life is better sober and believe it or not so is dealing with the grief. This is one more thing that life is firing at you right now, you might not think you can do this with out drinking but you can . keep strong, MM

[Doggygirl]

Coping with death

Hi Softy. I'm really sorry to read about your mum. My Dad is really sick too - no idea how much longer he will have with us here. All I know is that if I drink, it makes everything worse - not better. AL won't keep my Dad alive nor will it make his death any easier for me when the time comes.

You are not alone.

:l

DG

[Beachbump]

Coping with death

Hi Softy,
When my mom died a few years ago I drank the pain away. The day before her funeral I flew to the city where she lived. On the aeroplane I were still drinking. With all the family around I could drink. The day with her funeral I had a terrible hangover. I broke down on her funeral creating such a seen - everybody thought I were just the drama queen that I always are... but I knew it was because i were hangovered and could,nt cope. Till this day I regret that because in my I heart I know that my mother knew I went to her funeral drunk...
After I flew back home I painted a picture that simbolize my life with her - that helped me stay sober and deal with the grief.

Your mother would want you te be sober when you say goodbye to her - that I think you know - maybe start thinking of some simbolic act that you can involve yourself with that will help you through this painful time and in the same time - something that will make her proud of you.

Thinking of you and hope you can find the strenght to go through this pain without AL.

[DriftyAlison0]

Coping with death

I am so sorry to hear the bad news. I am there for you. I know how you feel. I lost an aunt this past Feb. from cancer. Just stay here and don't drink. Your mom and your family needs a sober you while they go through this terrible time. Both you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[mylife]

Coping with death

Hello Softy,

I'm so sorry about your mum. I don't even know what to say except please don't drink. It won't make you feel better, only worse and you're in enough pain already. You don't need to add to that and she wouldn't want you to either.

I'm sending stength and prayers your way. :l:l

[startingover]

Coping with death

Hiya Softy.
I think I know how you are feeling. My mum died last october. I looked after her in her home for the last month. When she was ill in previous years, I drank through it. This time, I didnt. the only advice I can give you is allow yourself to grieve. Numbing with alcohol WILL NOT HELP. The feelings are just there to be dealt with at a later date. Seriously consider some bereavement counselling.
We all deal with death differently, big hugs to you Softy.

[DSLR]

Coping with death

Softy, as others have said there are no words that I can add that will make things any less painful. My thoughts are with you and your Mum.

I don't know where you are in the world, but there are often organsations such as Cruse in the UK that can help. They can offer a great deal of support and know how to help people through their pain. Also perhaps you have a friend or relative who could be with you for a few days who could help you get through those difficult days without turning to AL?

Cruse Bereavement Care

Be strong softy I am sure your Mum wouldn't want you to go through more pain than her passing will already bring you. Bless you both.

[Chillgirl]

Coping with death

I just want to add my support Softy, I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you so much strength. AL may numb our feelings for a short time but where is there any real benefit in this? Grief is painful but it's real and the amount of grief felt is actually the amount of love we have for that person.

[coalfire]

Coping with death

Softy I posted in your 10 weeks later thread.

[Softy]

Coping with death

6pm

Beautiful Day. That sounds a weird thing to say but my lovely mum passed away peacefully at 6pm. Thats three hours ago. Without booze I have been strong for the rest of the family. My dad passed in 2008 so it was down to me to be the man of the family and look after my two sisters. The three of us held mum and cuddled her as she gently slipped away. I am relieved her suffering is over and she is at rest. I owe a debt of gratiude to you all for the support you have given. I feel like I have friends all over the world. I have learned today that life is all about sharing your feelings with others and offering a helping hand to those who need it. I think this experience together with kicking the booze is going to make me a stronger, better person and lead a happier more meaningful life from now on. KEEP ON KEEPING ON!:thanks::h:h

[Softy]

Coping with death

Wise words

But I know I will crack soon. It will just take time to hit me then I will be crying like a baby for days and will need my sisters to comfort me. I was happy that I was strong for them today. But you are right, the next week will be a horror show. But I don't drink any longer so I will let the grieving takes it's course and go with the flow without resorting to drinking it