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[turtledove]

Hi I'm a long time lurker, been trying and trying to be abstinent and have read a lot that has helped me here (sorry, I'm not in a sociable place at the mo, which is why I haven't posted before), but finding that there are just so many 'excuses' or triggers (like just reading a book and it has references to drinking in it), and that's my hardest thing. Stresses in my life I can recognise as such, but I'm always taken by surprise by tv or books and it does my head in! (also, I usually tend to succomb.) Does anyone have any suggestions re this? apart from not reading or watching tv that is! thanks very much in advance
Sorry - also meant to say that I have so many activities now associated with drinking - like basics like cooking and ironing, but also hobbies (like most people would recommend to distract but which I now associate with drinking, eg, cross-stitch etc). Seems like every new hobby I take up I immediately manage to drink while doing and then - hey presto - that's one more activity I can't do without drinking too. UGH. Any advice really really welcomed! Thank you.
turtle x

[Beachbump]

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Hi Turtledove - welcome to MWO.

Do you have a drinking problem?
Do you want to stop drinking?

[turtledove]

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yes and yes

[turtledove]

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yes I have had a drinking problem for at least 5 years now, and yes I want to stop drinking - except for when I 'need a drink'. ie every day. Or in response to every trigger. Half of my brain tells me no, the other half doesn't give a damn. And I'm drowning in it all.

I haven't been drinking right now and got to go to work (night shift), but I really appreciate your reply. I just found this site and it's the most helpful I've found and I'll definitely check back later. Thank youl

[Chillgirl]

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:welcome: Turtle
Im glad you plucked up the courage to post! This is a wonderful place and you will get lots of encouragement here.

I know what you mean about all the references to alcohol, i was the same at 1st and got really pissed off when in every soap, movie and drama everyone was opening a bottle of wine or drinking in a bar but I can honestly say i dont even notice it anymore. Its because its foremost in your mind at the moment but that will lessen the longer you abstain, I promise.

Re your hobbies, I too did everything that revolved around drinking and we have to relearn how to do these things alcohol free. The good news is that our brains are easily re-trained and once we set a new patttern in motion our associations will start to change. It wont happen overnight but dont worry about it, take it a day at a time, baby step are best!

Try something new that has never been linked with drinking, what about exercising? I used to always love following rituals like running a bubble bath and taking in a glass of wine or having an early evening drink on the terrace. I still do that but its with a tonic and lemon now. All the things we did before we can still do and I now find I enjoy them so much more sober, clear headed and in control.

[Beachbump]

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What you're saying is quite true, Chillgirl - although I'm still in early days and cannot speak with all the knowledge in the world - I can realize now that at first, when stopped with AL I saw everything related with alcohol in every TV show, article, book, etc. But that fades away - it is not foremost in my mind anymore - although today when I drove past abunch of holiday makers sitting in a local pub having fun, I envied them - and I knew I could not join them - something I would have done when I were still drinking.

Turtle - if you realize you have a problem and want to stop - the stop. When you get off duty tomorrow morning - don't drink. Take it as Chill says - only for TODAY - DON'T DRINK. Then the 2nd day will be easier and stay with MWO everyday. Post a thread on how you are feeling, what you are thinking. Be honest with your thoughts and all of us will help you through this.

[turtledove]

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Thank you so much everyone for your replies And I'm glad it's not just me - sometimes it just feels like I am so trapped, doomed to fail because every time I've managed not to drink, something comes along and puts that thought in my head of how nice it would be - and once that thought is there I'm pretty much powerless to combat it. I will definitely check out the tool box and the Allen Carr book - I've had a look at the supplements and diet, not sure if I can cope with all that in one go - trying not to drink is pretty much all I can focus on for now. They do make sense though. Exercise is difficult because I'm pretty low right now (on antidepressants) and it's as much as I can do to go to work and then either sleep or drink. But yes, those endorphins would probably help, if I can make myself get out there.

Anyway, thanks tons again, I really appreciate it

[mario]

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Turtledove welcome to mwo, this is a great community with great advice & support and you certainally are not alone in this,Take it one hour/day at a time as it wont all happen overnight for you,Hope you keep sharing your thoughts here, :-)

[coalfire]

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Hi Turtledove. I have had your problem too and I posted some links in this thread which I found useful.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ion-49109.html

[turtledove]

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Hi and thanks again I've had a read through some of the links that you posted (Sheri and coalfire - tx!) and they are really REALLY helpful - one thing that really struck me was 'urge surfing - for some reason I love this expression and it just feels completely different to what I usually try (and fail) to do, which is just to tough it out. Dunno why calling the same thing something different makes a difference, but it does and I'm very thankful for that, because it gives me hope that I can actually do this, which has been sadly lacking for a long while. 1 day AF and just going to see how long I can continue. I think I'll try and look at one thing at a time for now, because there's just so much here that it's a bit overwhelming (though it's all good) - my hope is that if I don't drink then I'll have more energy (mental & physical) to add different things in. Thanks again, everyone - your replies really mean a lot and hope is such a powerful thing that I haven't felt in a long time. xo

[mama bear]

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Welcome Turtledove and ditto what everyone else says.....hang on to that hope...we are all here for you.....I am finding alot of strength from AA as well as me beloved family here....
Join us on the "Journey" thread if you like...we are a bunch of loons that love each other unconditionally...

[turtledove]

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TY so much mama bear,and yes, I'll do that. Had a couple of days AF, then got sucked right back in (situation normal). But still carrying that hope. xo

[Lavande]

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Hi turtledove,

Welcome to MWO!
What helped me the most was changing my thinking about AL. You need to stop romantcizing it & think about it as the addictive poison it really is. The Hypno CDs helped me tremendously!

Breaking habits takes a lot of work but you can do it. That glass of wine while cooking dinner is now a cup of decaf coffee or tea. That glass of wine while watching TV, surfing the internet or MWO is now decaf coffee or tea. You just have to push yourself to change your thinking & your habits & you will reach your goal. Waking up with a clear head in the morning becomes a great new habit too

Wishing you the best!
Lav

[dancingon]

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You're definitely not alone. We all know where you're coming from, whether we are years AF, or days or still trying to get our heads around it.

Get a plan together in advance for the tough times. Urge surfing works if you are determined because it is pro-active, and the urge, even if strong, goes away after a while.
I tend to drink too much coffee when AF, but I'm trying to drink more water and at least one cranberry juice and take Milk Thistle, vitamins and Evening primrose each day. Some people replace alcohol with sweet things, but this is not recommended in the MWO book. You need to let the sugar levels recede.

Low level exercise is good, even if it's just a short walk around the block - it develops a new habit of which you can be proud, it makes you feel better and it fills some of the urge time when you would be opening a bottle.

Like you, many meals, cooking and most activities used to be associated with drinking so you need to replace them with something else or just do without. Once you've done a few things without alcohol you realise you don't need it, e.g. in February I went to a conference, had a restaurant meal and danced - all without alcohol. It made me feel powerful.

Alcohol is a depressant, so if you're on anti-depressants you are lessening their effectiveness by drinking at the same time. Pat yourself on the back, because deciding you want to change is the first step, even if it's a bumpy ride. :goodjob: