don't know what to

[Beachbump]

don't know what to

Mondmobil,

My best friend and also the only real soulmate I have is a huge drinker and definitely also has a AL problem - but she is o.k with it. She's 60years old, a "old soul", a hippy, no responsiblities than herself and lives from day to day. She has a great personality and a lots fiends who always stand in for her. a Week ago I had a crisis and was thinking of going to her (she lives 2000km form me) because she is the only person that really understands me and she always helps me to find perspective when I neeed it most... I realized that I cannot go to her NOW - because I'm still to vulnurable. She is drinking as are all her friends (that are also my firends) and when I show up there it will be one hec of a party! That would definitely put me in a situation which I would not be strongh enough to resist. I know she will understand why I don't want to drink and that she will support me in my decision - but she will live her life as she wishes, so will our friends, and I would not be able to resist it - that will be my problem and not theres. So, I decided not to visist her. When I'm much stronger, then I will - because she always will be my soulmate!

[mondmobil]

don't know what to

Hello noodle (what a nice nickname )
what you wrote is exactly what I was trying to express.... a friend of mine who I meet sometimes but who is not that close to me is also drinking excessively, and I decided that I won't see him for a while (I think he will understand)

And you addressed the problem I am trying to deal with - if I stop drinking with my friend then I maybe have to realise that there is not very much that we have in common anymore. I really don't think so, he is a wonderful person, but I can't be sure, can I? I am very afraid of losing him. I know that in theory if our friendship breaks up because of this, it does not deserve the name, but in my opinion there's more to relationships, love and affection than theories can explain.

I knew that we had a problem when I noticed the thoughts running through my head in the days before we were supposed to meet: ".. maybe I should cancel, I won't have the strength to NOT drink in his presence..." "...when we meet, I'll have a perfect excuse to drink..." or "I have not seen him for so long now, it's time to celebrate"
This is sick, isn't it? Instead I want to think: "maybe it will be a sunny day, we could go for a walk/swim...", something like that..

I think I will learn a lesson from noodle - I will tell everyone that I don't drink anymore - no more loopholes and those never-ending "exceptions"...

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with me!

And coalfire: you are wonderful with words! your metaphors really stick! I wrote "oxygen mask" on a post-it and pinned it to my bathroom mirror....... (even though I am terribly afraid of flying )

[Bluejay]

don't know what to

:welcome: Mondmobil :welcome:

[dancingon]

don't know what to

Mondmobil, you may find that your friend is also secretly worried about his (I think you said it was a guy) drinking.

If he's OK with your stopping drinking for a while, maybe you can kind of make a game out of finding ways to spend the day that don't involve alcohol. There may be things you haven't done for years, but they seem too much trouble when drinking is a way of life.

I have drunk friends who I'm avoiding, sober friends who like to drink whenever they're with me (Is that because they like to drink, or because they know I do?) I still meet with them occasionally and either suggest coffeeor tell them I'm not drinking at the moment. I haven't come clean with anyone about my "problem", but I agree with the person who says that it's easier if you tell someone of your intention to not drink. Otherwise nobody will care if you don't keep up with it, and what other people think can be a great motivation