Yet another attempt

[DSLR]

Yet another attempt

Well done mum, that is great, keep going as suddenly it will be 10, 20, 30 .... days and you feel even better.

Have a lovely AF evening.

[stepintime]

Yet another attempt

Hello everyone. I'm checking in again with you all.
Well I'm hanging in there, and if I can get through today will have done 7 days. Had a dreadful day on Monday - craving just wouldn't let up on me. I got through it tho, albeit in a vile mood where I just felt sorry for myself and just wanted to isolate.
Yesterday was much better, with only the odd fleeting thought. This is such a cunning illness. Like I said before, it continually kids us into thinking we dont have it, or ...that I'm not 'that bad'.
I'm up this morning and already it's hit me.
...I have these 2 weeks off on the sick - was so strung up with anxiety my whole body was shaking and BP through the roof. So now My head is now telling me 'Go on - you're off work, there's plenty of time to pull it back together in time for when you go back to work'. It's madness cuz I know I wouldn't. I really hope I can keep it going, but I'm not too convinced. I've failed so many times.
Mond, I been doin that too - putting ticks in my diary for the days I'm AF. On the one hand it really helps to see the days AF increase, but on the other - it makes me think I've earned a 'day off'.
I dunno if I'll ever get it. I do know tho, that I have no idea what I ever did, to get this illness - this heart rending obsession/compulsion thats so crucifyingly painful, and just doesnt let up.
Thank you again, for all your lovely posts. It really does help knowing youre not in this alone, even if your head tells you you are
xxx

[stepintime]

Yet another attempt

Was only a matter of time

Well the worst thing that could have happened, has happened.
I got pulled for drunk driving in the early hours of this morning. A breath test reading of 88.
I just couldn't stay off it, could I !
I'm now scared to death, of the court appearance next Thursday.
My boyfriend is so disappointed with me for being so stupid as to drive, and I feel like lowest low life on the planet. If I thought I knew guilt, shame, fear and remorse before, It's nothing to what I feel now.

[Stargazerlily]

Yet another attempt

Stepintime,
Sorry to hear you are in legal trouble,but thank goodness you did not kill yourself or anyone else. We have all been there done that at one time or another, so believe me when I say I am not judging you, at all.

Now could be the time you really make changes, this could be the event that leads you to a new and better life. You do have the power to change things. There are so many options, please do not lose hope. Ifyou need medical help, please get it. This is an illness like diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. I am convinced that most people cannot do this on their own, they need MWO, AA, medical help or some outside assistance. We are here for you so please don't hesitate to ask for help. Sending you strength today.

[noodle]

Yet another attempt

So sorry to hear your news, no wonder you feel terrible. I'm pretty sure most of us here have done it, I know I have, just bloody lucky not to get caught.
As Stargazy says, this could be the time for you to be even more determined. Keep trying, I know for sure it took me many years before I could get my head around stopping, and a very regrettable incident a few weeks ago was the one and only thing that pulled all the upset, obsessing, illness and guilt together to give me the strength to kick it out of my life. Something clicked with me to see that it was at the root of nearly all my problems and anguish in my life, that was promptly rubbing off on my family. its far from easy, I'm finding it very difficult to hold on, but thinking about how I felt about this 'incident' has given me great strength, my husband reckons it was meant to be by the determination its given me, which has never ever been there before.
Things will get easier, it could have been much worse, and most importantly you're not alone. Chin up honey, and back on board. Hugs and strength your way xx :l

[DSLR]

Yet another attempt

Step, I am sorry to hear your news but am glad that you weren't hurt, nor anyone else. Star and Noodle have said everything I was thinking very well, and as both said themselves, I have done the same in the past, so 'there by the Grace of God go I'.

Be open and honest with the court about where you are with AL, it won't stop you getting a ban and fine, but they will at least see that you have acknowledged that you have a problem and are trying to deal with it, just an idea.

Thinking of you step and send you strength and best wishes.