Want to tell you a story - a true life story that happened to me about 30 years ago, which from time to time bucks me and today I'm thinking about it all the time...I never told anybody ever about it.
When I were a young Social Worker, newly wed, no children and worked in a small country town I had an experience that till this bucks me-
I went to see a client (a "case" as we called it) who was an alcoholic and she neclected her children because of her problem. This was my first home visit to her. When I got to her home she was lying in her bed with a glass of booze next to her on her bedside table. The room smelld of old, sour alcohol mixed with sigarette smells. Her hair was in a total mess - I remember she had blonde dyed hair they grew out at the roots. It was filthy. Her complexion was reddish,her face swollen, her eyes bloody, with mascara all over her face. You could see she was crying a lot. She was screaming and swearing at me with a hoarse, slurred voice. I realised that she is in no stae to have a interview with so I left. When I stepped out of her front gate I felt I want to vomit and I had a terrible anxiety attack. I also felt a very deep feeling of guilt - as if it was me lying drunk on that bed. At that time I did'nt drink at all!! Alcohol was not part of my life - I hated the smell of it.
Through the years, specially when I started drinking socially I always thought of that day and spesifically of my unnecessary feelings of guilt. Why dir I feel guilty about some else's problem? Could it be because deep inside I knew that I'm vulnerable to the same problem? Was it suppose to be a warning that I decide to ignore?
30 years later - and still remembering it???
When I were a young Social Worker, newly wed, no children and worked in a small country town I had an experience that till this bucks me-
I went to see a client (a "case" as we called it) who was an alcoholic and she neclected her children because of her problem. This was my first home visit to her. When I got to her home she was lying in her bed with a glass of booze next to her on her bedside table. The room smelld of old, sour alcohol mixed with sigarette smells. Her hair was in a total mess - I remember she had blonde dyed hair they grew out at the roots. It was filthy. Her complexion was reddish,her face swollen, her eyes bloody, with mascara all over her face. You could see she was crying a lot. She was screaming and swearing at me with a hoarse, slurred voice. I realised that she is in no stae to have a interview with so I left. When I stepped out of her front gate I felt I want to vomit and I had a terrible anxiety attack. I also felt a very deep feeling of guilt - as if it was me lying drunk on that bed. At that time I did'nt drink at all!! Alcohol was not part of my life - I hated the smell of it.
Through the years, specially when I started drinking socially I always thought of that day and spesifically of my unnecessary feelings of guilt. Why dir I feel guilty about some else's problem? Could it be because deep inside I knew that I'm vulnerable to the same problem? Was it suppose to be a warning that I decide to ignore?
30 years later - and still remembering it???
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