Feelings Questions

[Beachbump]

The past few days I'm not feeling good. I'm on a light anti-depressant for the last 4 months and so far I can really say it helped. The feelings that I have at the moment cannot be describe as "depressed", I would say - rather, aggitation, irritation, frustration and anger. My husband and me have problems with communication about certain issues in our lives. There are no one I can talk to. a Month ago he suggested we must go and see a counsellor when we go to SA. We went last week to SA but he decide there is "no time" to see some one. So, we left it.

I'm working very hard on myself, using all the techniques that I can put my hand on to deal with my feelings of anger, but I just cannot get myself to let go. Thinking of the things that upset and making me angry all the time. Try to find an equilibrium to create my own contentment but with the porblems with my husband I cannot find that equilibrium.

I read a lot on the threads about cravings and people falling of the wagon after long times of sobriety. I'm now 41 days AF. I do not get cravings at all and not sure whether the cravings people talk about is physical or emotional. Are the cravings for AL like a craving for a chocolate??? Because if it is, I'm lucky not to get them - BUT i'm afraid of the emotional turmoil I'm in - how can I protect myself not to go so far down in felling bad so that I do not turn back to AL. I AM AFRAID!!!

Best wishes

[hippie37]

Feelings Questions

Beach, when I first tried giving up alcohol and came here I was pretty desperate. I was over the initial craving period but was still looking for that 'reward' to make my life more pleasurable. I was still 'fixing' myself outwardly in that respect so although I wasn't using alcohol my behaviour was still very much addictive. I'd done nothing as far as addressing this, even though I'd tell you differently. Most of the tools I could of used only got a low level processing because I was still emotionally damaged. There is a saying that goes "The good news about becoming sober is, we get our feelings back. The bad news is however......we get our feelings back!!"

I too had (and still do have) problems conveying my true feelings to other people. After 2 years of being sober it's still an emotional roller-coaster some days. I can empathise with your situation of finding that equilibrium and letting go of the pain and anger. It doesn't happen over night I'm afraid. The pendulum doesn't swing as wildly as it once did. But it can still swing in a wider arc than I'd like some days. The point to the pendulum is it's always going to be swinging as that's the nature of life. If it stops we die. So it will always be swinging whether we like it or not. What I try to do is find some acceptance around this and that life is not always easy or fair.

When I finally got sober this time around I was determined that I wasn't going to drink again. But the harsh reality for me is I will drink again if I stay within the 'wound' and don't move forward. It takes courage to do things differently, to act in a different way. So when I know I have an emotional problem I need to deal with it quite quickly before it starts 'gnawing away at me'. The problem can very quickly get out of hand till I'm feeling all those feelings you talked about in your post "agitation, irritation, frustration and anger" etc. etc. They're the kind of feelings that if un-dealt with will cause me to drink again. Maybe not today or tomorrow. It may take a while, but they'll get me in the end. I didn't drink because of the situations I was in, I drank because of the feelings the situations gave me and that I couldn't deal with....shame, guilt, fear, anger for example.

I would suggest that if you really want change it would be easier to face the fear and act positively to deal with your emotions (possibly talking to your husband about the lack of communication). Or you can stay in this position and do nothing and hope things 'sort themselves out' (which I'd imagine they rarely do unless someone takes action). It's ALL about action for me and doing things rather than talking about them or worrying about them. I have to get out of myself and do something about it otherwise it just eats me up.

I appreciate you're afraid of drinking again so isn't more productive to act now rather than end up drinking further down the line?

I hope things improve quickly for you Beach
Take care and many blessings
Phil

[mario]

Feelings Questions

Great post hippie, relate to it a lot.

Dont quit quitting beach your doing so well,it will take time to heal.

[Doggygirl]

Feelings Questions

Hi Beach. Just want you to know that I really appreciate your honesty and the fact you are here reaching out for help. Navigating our live soberly can be challenging at times. :l

Hippie, I love everything you said in your post. A good message for many of us. I'm so glad you choose to share so much of yourself here. It helps me and I'm sure it helps many others too. Hopefully this post will help Beach too!!

DG

[mylife]

Feelings Questions

Hang in there Beach!

Hippie, what a great post. I learned a few things from it as well! Beach, one thing I have noticed as I am still in early days myself, is that a lot of feelings come up that I haven't been used to dealing with sober. Give yourself and your marriage some time to get used to your new sober life.

Life is so much better without AL and drinking only makes things worse! You're doing great, hang in there!

[Beachbump]

Feelings Questions

Thanx for all the support, an specially to you Phil (Hippie) for the effort you put in your answer. Yes, the best will be to try and sort out the problems. When I wrote this thread this afternoon I thought my bad feelings are because of the communication problem with my husband. I think I were not true to myself - although this problem with him does have an effect on my moods and I am battling with it - but at the end I know I can sort it out - with help from an outsider or on my own...

BUT - later this afternoon I really felt that I'm going to cry and cry and cry...and then I realise what teh reason is - tomorrow is the start of the Easter weekend and my youngest son is suppose to be here for the holidays. He decided not to come because he has a very active social life in the big city where he lives and he also want to go hunting with his dad. I saw children driving on quadbikes and knew if he was here - I would listen where he is driving with our quad...this was the first time today that I thought about a drink because of the physical pain I felt in my heart. Because I don't have some one to talk to I did made a plan - my factory workers like playing Monopoly with me - I organized a game with them - just to get my mind off the negative. Although I still feel like crying the urge for a drink is not so strong now.

Thanx for listening and reading - this is the only way I can try to sort out my true feelings.

[Guest]

Feelings Questions

You asked about cravings. I find cravings are very much like hunger, or even love. It's an incredible pull that for me often starts mentally as the result of anger, or frustration then can become more physical moving to my breastbone, or belly. Of course cravings can actually be caused by things like hunger itself, but some of that is because your mental defences are weaker at those times.

[Beachbump]

Feelings Questions

Thanx Uk...when you are feeling good, are active and doing things, happy...the cravings will be less, I presume...

[DSLR]

Feelings Questions

beachbump, you have done so well, you have been an inspiration to me and I am sad that you feel so much pain. Although your son can't be with you, for what ever reason, I am sure he loves you deeply and is thinking about you. Holidays can be a difficult time for people who miss loved ones or are alone, but be strong beach, this period of sadness will pass, you'll see.

Hippie, great post, thank you, I am only day 20 today and have definitely started to 'feel' again and to be honest it has frightened me to a certain extent but how ever difficult it might be, better to be 'alive' and have to deal with the challenges of life, than go back to being the 'living dead' which I have been for the past couple of years.

Wishing you all a lovely AF Friday and Easter.

[Audrey14]

Feelings Questions

Hi beach!!!

I'm only on my day 11 but i know how it is - to feel again..not only joy but also pain, guilt, anger etc.
I started to drink to wash away my pain but i lost the other good feelings too..
To be a monster isn't really good for a human..

You now that if you can cry - it's a very good sign..not tears mixed with AL but true, genuine tears which slowly release you from pain and unsatisfaction..
Physically i'm alone today too but in my toughts i'm with my daughter and my beloved one who's very far from me..

Wish you start to love yourself again in respect of others!! I know we need approval from our beloved ones but we can't force and manage them..Be happy and proud of yourself and your 41 day!!!

Audrey

[Beachbump]

Feelings Questions

Hi Audrey

Yea...don't know whats wrong with me. Not thinking of drinking but feel very depressed. Can't concentrate on any thing. Just lying on the bed and try to sleep but at best of times I'm not a good sleeper...cannot give anybody support and feel bad about it - feels like crying but cannot get the tears to roll out of my eyes. Miserable!!!

Realise it will pass eventuelly.

Thanx for your support

[Audrey14]

Feelings Questions

Hi beach!!!

We are just human beings..it's time to give support and it's time to receive..like you now...sending you good energy and vibrations
I now what's depression, i struggled with it..now my mood changes from joy to sadness but i just appreciate it..

If you can - try to read something healing or watch some movie (you know yourself better what you like)..and sleep!!! Morning will come...