Decision Day looming

[Softy]

Way back in November is was in a pretty bad place mentally and boozing beyond myself to "cope". I started hiding bottles of spirits in the house and was drinking most weeks six days out of seven. I tried half hearted to give up for a month before Christmas but failed. Tried again 1st Jan. Failed again. It got to 28th Jan four weeks into the New Year and something clicked. I have had enough of it. Booze was running my life and I had to get control. In 2006 I did 90 days AF. In 2008 I did 90 days AF. In 2011 by Thursday this week I will have done 90 days AF. Now I want to moderate but am a little scared. The difference between the 90 days this year and in previous years is that I have MWO and I have talked through the abstinence. At all points I have made it clear that I have a 90 day target because I was too scared to say no more forever. Now that Friday is nearly here I have a decision to make. Friday is a UK holiday, I am off work next week as well. I will take each day as it comes but I am starting to plan how I would drink if I did try to moderate. I would need to set my ground rules and stick to them. I will need my wife and MWO friends to police me. My ground rules would be

No drink above 4.5% ABV
No drink in the house
No drink on consecutive nights
Only drink two nights per week max
No more than three drinks in any day

I am beginning to think this would be harder and a tougher challenge than just not drinking at all, full stop.

I want to find the balance. You onlybget one life and a drink can be a pleasure. Why deprive myself of a simple pleasure.

The answer is it is only a pleasure if it is controlled by me and taken in moderatio .

ODAT and no decisions needed.

I may well just get to Friday and say why bother and not drink.

It seems easier to not drink when you are committed to not doing.

Not drinking when you know you could (in line with my own rules for life) is a lot more of a quandary.

Ho hum. KEEP ON KEEPING ON!

[JackieClaire]

Decision Day looming

Oh Softy,
I wish I could give you bags and bags of advice and encouragement, but as your drinking pattern is so similar to mine and the rules I could have written myself I can't.

To be honest you'll loose the freedom that AF gives you as you now have to live under rules. Being AF means not having any rules as I don't see not drinking as a rule.

Just be very,very careful,hun.:l

[Kimberley]

Decision Day looming

Hey Softy,

All I would say is if you are a true alcoholic, really you can't ever drink safely in the long-term. If you got to the stage of hiding bottles around the house, you might want to ask yourself if the shoe fits...

You have done amazingly well coping with such tough times recently witout resorting to the bottle.

All I know is for me I tried to moderate for a few years, failing miserably the vast majority of the time. It was a massive relief when I realised that the only rule I needed was: No drinking at all.

I wish you luck and we will support you here on MWO whatever you choose to do.

K x

[KateH1]

Decision Day looming

Hi Softly,
Most of us completely understand the fear and anxiety of "never drinking again", brings during the initial quitting period. So, we try to convince ourselves that "We can control alcohol, by self imposed Rules". For me, hard as I tried, this never worked!

I would suggest following the MWO guidelines for moderation by abstaining from AL for at least,30 days before attempting to moderate. This time period helps to clear both body and brain to some extent!

You might download the MWO book. ( from the health store here!) An excellent starting point IMO! I found that reading this book gave me a lot of very useful information as well as food for thought!

I absolutely Love Sober Living!!

Good Luck!
Kate

[Softy]

Decision Day looming

Thanks

Still sober today is Day 88 AF. I am not intending to rush out and drink on Friday but now I have accomplished my self imposed challenge I need to asses where I am, how far I have come and where I am going. Just the normal big things that no one knows!:h

[dancingon]

Decision Day looming

Congrats on the 88 days, Softy.
Maybe because you always slip after 90 days, you should aim for more days to get past that psychological link. It would be a shame to undo what you've done. My forays into moderating have shown me that the danger of allowing yourself to drink is not that you can't stick to some rules, but that you lose the edge that stops you in your tracks when you feel like getting wasted. Are you sure that if you start drinking moderately you would be able to resist abusing it if anything stressful happens?
I don't know. Good luck with it anyway.

[damo180]

Decision Day looming

Hi Softy,

My drinking patterns are also very similar to yours and I am Af only a little while longer.

I have tried moderation quite a few times and found it so difficult, and always only lasted about 2 weeks.
I DIDNT get any pleasure from it because I was counting how many more I was allowing myself which made me miserable and even more so when I wasnt allowing myself any Al the following day.

I have now accepted that I will not be happier moderating so AF is the only way for me.
I STILL find it difficult at times but overall, I am a much happier person AF, as is my family.

I wish you well Softy,I know its a difficult time at the moment.
I admire you for the way you stayed strong in recent weeks, and best of luck.

Damo in Dublin

[mylife]

Decision Day looming

Hi Softy,

I ask myself if I will really be okay with one or two drinks max. I visualize having just one drink and whatever situation I might be in to have that drink, and how I will feel when I have it. If I don't feel in my heart the honest answer is a wholehearted "yes, one drink is fine" then I know I'm not ready. (And I may never be ready!)

Good luck with your decision!

[RedJib]

Decision Day looming

Softy, I mean no disrespect, but please, take a second and look back to what you wrote up above on this thread. After describing your troubles with managing/moderating prior to the end of January 2011 (including hiding bottles, drinking to excess most days, etc.) you said explicitly: "Booze was running my life."

Plain and simple, you stated it: alcohol was controlling your whole life.

Three months later, do you honestly believe it won't continue to do so?

[Jolie]

Decision Day looming

Softy,

First of all - congratulations on all you have accomplished so far - you should be very proud of how far you have come.

From everything I've read here, moderating is a slippery slope. Like Damo said, will you really really get any enjoyment out of drinking if you put so many limitations on it? For me, one drink will just never be enough - period. I know that in my heart. I also know that I do not want to go back to how my life was prior to January of this year.

I am 108 days AF since the 3rd of January. I can't tell how much better every aspect of my life is right now. If you have any reservations at all, please re-think your decision to moderate.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.

Jolie

[vintage girl]

Decision Day looming

Hiya Softy

Well, here I am, five days behind you in my bid for 90 days, I really know where you are coming from. I have thought long and hard about what I am going to do when that day arrives too.

Like you, I don't feel like I am in a position to say 'never' yet. At the same time, I am terrified of trying to moderate because I know my drinking self too well. I remember the guilt and the shame too well, and I really don't want to go back to it.

On the other hand, the idea of 'never again' being able to enjoy a glass or two of Cava with friends, or share a bottle of wine over dinner with my husband is a huge thing to think about.

All of which tells me I don't think i am ready to moderate yet. I don't know if I ever will be, but I don't trust myself right now. I am setting a new goal softy. 120 days...one day at a time.

If I can't make a decision about moderating or completely abstaining right now, I might be able to by then.

What I can say is that I am really enjoying being AL free at the moment. Had a bit of a wobble over the weekend what with easter and the birth of a new baby in the family but I didn't have any AL and I am glad.

Let us know what you decide. Your plan for 'modding' sounds like a good one, but as someone else said, restricting it like that might be more of a prison that actually avoiding it altogether.

Let us know what you decide, whatever road you do go down, you have people here that are behind you 100%.

[Softy]

Decision Day looming

Opinions

Lots of opinions and I value them all. What is clear is that nobody said "modding is a great idea softy go for it" not that I expected you all to say that but it does make me stop and think. So ODAT it is. Maybe I will just aim for 100 days and take it from there. I don't actually have the urge to drink. I just have that little old devil on the shoulder telling me if I want to I can. Whatever I choose to do I can't go back to the way it was so I have to bear that in mind. KEEP ON KEEPING ON! :h

[scottish lass]

Decision Day looming

Hi Softy - thank you for this post. I am new to MWO - got to 21 days AF and fell badly on day 22, now ready to start again. I would love to moderate as I love wine, live in the california wine country, but also work with transplant as a health care provider so understand the life of liver failure - and DO NOT WANT THAT!
I am following your posts, and you got thru a bigger challenge than the one that drove me to finish a bottle and more of wine. You are a success..
Your plans mirrored what I had thought of for my future - and agreed, I got nowhere close to 90 days, but the day I allowed AL in, I did not stop easily at all...
I want what you are asking for - I hope that whatever path you chose it works for you. Good Luck, and please bask in the glory of what you have already achieved....