Reading your note made me realize something. I'm closing in on 110 days AF, and for the past two weeks, I find myself thinking about AL less often than I have in at least ten years--and I'm including drinking and sober days in that decade. Some notion about AL will pop into my head for a moment, but I'm able to leave it and easily resume thinking about other things, my activities, plans, etc. This is entirely new to me.
But I don't mistake it for thinking that I'm now in control of AL. I think I need to ask a long term abstainer about this, somebody who's been sober for a year or two. It occurs to me that this new, non-obsessive thinking about AL is the gradual and cumulative effect of establishing new habits, and that it will continue to grow as long as I'm not drinking. Even without testing myself, though, something makes me certain that if I tried to start moderating, I'd end up in that same old obsessive thinking about AL all the time. I hated that as much as the physical and psychological effects of drinking; my own mind, my consciousness, was so wrapped up in AL that I couldn't see the forest for the trees.
If you've got that beat and you can let AL back into your life without all that strife returning, well Softy, you have my total respect (with a big dose of envy, truth to tell.) I wish you much success with your plan.
Jib
I am AF about 120 days and I am having similar thoughts to you at the moment.
Hope all are well
Damo
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