Only Human (13 weeks later)

[Softy]

Having achieved my 90 days AF I am now in a quandary. A big part of me has enjoyed being AF but I has meant a change in lifestyle. I am now in a position where I feel strong. I have proven I can get through the worst of times without booze. I now want another challenge. I want to drink in moderation. The decision is mine and has yet to be ratified. However I am preparing to go back to Day One in a controlled environment policed by Mrs Softy. I may well have two or three drinks this weekend and a may have some wine when on holiday next week. When I return to work I return to sobriety and start all over again. Five days per week without two days in moderation. I feel like with a crash diet if you are deprived of things then you crave them more. I have not been able to get the mentality that life without drink is possible. Sorry to you all if this disappoints. You have all been so kind to me. I hope by moderating successfully I can inspire people still. Be careful who you look up to me dad always said. All people are mere mortals and will disappoint you or fail. I don't feel like I am failing I am making a rational choice. If it turns out to be a mistake I will have to deal with the consequences and go tee total again. Thanks for all your help.:thanks::h :h:h


(KEEP ON KEEPING ON EVERYONE!)

[caper564]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

I think you have to own any decision you make, I am sure some will judge but it is yours to make. I applaude you for attempting this and I feel somewhat envious that it is a possiblity for you. It is however NOT a choice for me and I know this. Moderation is not in my cards. When I quit smoking 9 years ago I wished I could be just a "social smoker", but I could not be. and now I wish to be just a "social drinker" but again I know I can't.

Bravo Softy and I truly hope it works for you

Caper

[Wagoneer]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

Softy - you have to do what you feel is right. We are in no position to tell you what to do. It is personal, completely. I am almost 6 months booze free and I cannot lie that as of late, I too, have thought of the moderating route. I have not made any decisions and have no reason to go back to drinking even a little bit. I guess I am under alot of stress and have alot going on at home. Drinking will not help, but I will not lie and say that it has not crossed my mind. I don't forsee it happening though.

Best of luck to you. It is a slippery slope, so bring your ropes. X X O O

[Newgrange]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

Well done softy on 90 days.

We each have to follow our own path and good luck to you. A few years go I reached 90 days, thought I could moderate, did for a while and then slipped back to nearly drinking one bottle of wine a day. I was never a hugely heavy drinker but i got on the wretched alcohol treadmill, heavy head etc. Took me three years to get back on track again. I am only at day 52 and fingers crossed I will never convince myself that I can moderate. I am alive again.

I am justing saying how it is for me. Everyone is different and I wish you well and I hope it works out for you.

[damo180]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

All the best with it Softy.
Hopefully you will stick with the site and let us know how you are getting on.

And you know if it the modding doesnt work, there will always be people on here to encourage and support you if needed.

Damo

[mylife]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

Good luck with your decision Softy! We are here to support you no matter what you decide.

[mario]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

Good luck softy, keep us updated and wish you the best.

[madmans]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

best of luck from me also Softy and well done on 13 week's , Do come back and let us know how thing's are going for you . MM

[JackieClaire]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

Best of luck, Softy. Take care hun.:l

[vintage girl]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

Good luck with it Softy, I said before no matter what you decide you have friends here who support you. Everyone is different and this is a huge learning curve for all of us, so please let us know how you get on.

Succcessful moderation would be an absolute dream for me, but we'll see in a while if I can trust myself to try it.

I really admire your openness Softy, your honesty is so refreshing. Just remember, you have to get up really early in the morning to catch those tiddlers you are so fond of! Good luck! :l

[lil.michelle]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

hunni, i totally understand and it can be done. Hopefully, just remembering how you used to be and how far you've come, you'll not slip. I did 5 months af and had a drink at a wedding, not a lot at all, but funny how it just completely stopped all the thoughts. I haven;t drunk since and have no erge to drink or cravings. I wouldn't ever get drunk again or go back down that road but it has taken off the huge pressure of not drinking and counting the days.. if hat makes sense. I just don't drink anymre but if i feel like a sip or a glass, i can without feeling i've let myself down and the world.

[leaveinsilence]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

hi softy

this is something you' ve obviously put a lot of consideration into and i wish you luck, you know how it is to have al have a hold on your life and ehow to stop if it begins to feel it is doing it again. as the others have said keep us informed how it goes on your new journey as a "normalie"

[Kimberley]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

Just wanted to wish you good luck Softy. If it works, great. If it doesn't, you'll have learned more about yourself. At least trying it, you'll know either way. You seem sensible enough to me to be totally honest with yourself about your success or otherwise about this. It's your journey and you have to know for yourself and I understand that too.

Good luck and keep us posted,
K x

[Softy]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

Thanks all

It is so far so good but a long test ahead (eg the rest of my life)

I had three pints of beer on Friday. It was amazing how quickly the old bad habits take hold. This was the first drink for 90 days. At the end of my third pint my brain tried to trick me into the old "one more won't do any harm". I knew I wouldn't but wanted to test Mrs Softy's determination to help. She had had two glasses of wine. So I asked if we should have one for the road and she went mental on me. Told me not to be stupid and if this was the way it was going to be then all the hard work would be undone. I knew she was right and this was the reaction I had hoped for. I finished my drink and we went home. Yesterday I was at a family BBQ to mark the third anniversary of my dad passing. The drink was flowing but I stayed on water. So happy to report that today is day 94 (minus 1). I have four days holiday ahead of me. We will share a bottle of wine on Thursday. I hope I can stay this strong. This is where I want to be. Eventually I want this to be the norm and not have to plan it, think about it and discuss it. I am a long way from getting to that stage. The battle to drink "normally" is so much tougher than the battle not to drink at all. KEEP ON KEEPING ON!

[RedJib]

Only Human (13 weeks later)

Hey Softy, glad you were able stay in control of the AL, instead of the other way around. That's great!

Reading your note made me realize something. I'm closing in on 110 days AF, and for the past two weeks, I find myself thinking about AL less often than I have in at least ten years--and I'm including drinking and sober days in that decade. Some notion about AL will pop into my head for a moment, but I'm able to leave it and easily resume thinking about other things, my activities, plans, etc. This is entirely new to me.

But I don't mistake it for thinking that I'm now in control of AL. I think I need to ask a long term abstainer about this, somebody who's been sober for a year or two. It occurs to me that this new, non-obsessive thinking about AL is the gradual and cumulative effect of establishing new habits, and that it will continue to grow as long as I'm not drinking. Even without testing myself, though, something makes me certain that if I tried to start moderating, I'd end up in that same old obsessive thinking about AL all the time. I hated that as much as the physical and psychological effects of drinking; my own mind, my consciousness, was so wrapped up in AL that I couldn't see the forest for the trees.

If you've got that beat and you can let AL back into your life without all that strife returning, well Softy, you have my total respect (with a big dose of envy, truth to tell.) I wish you much success with your plan.

Jib