Hi all,
I feel sad posting here but I have to. I have been wrestling with a drink problem since 2004 - so for 2 years- and I desperately want to stop. Prior to this, I was an abstainer. I had previously had problems with alcohol due to depression and had been through therapy to quit drinking. I managed to stay sober and abstain for 8 years. Then I found out my ex husband was having an affair with my brother's wife. 3 months later I took my first drink and things have gradually been spiralling out of hand since...
We are now divorced. I divorced him. To top it all, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease earlier this year. My drinking is not helping this condition at all.
I am a binge drinker. I have no doubt about it. For example, this weekend, I consumed 2 litres of white rum in 2 days. I can then go for days without touching it. And then the cycle starts again. I didn't start out this way. When I initially started drinking again, I was drinking half a bottle of red wine a night. then it increased to a bottle. Then wine became spirits. I was drinking half a bottle of something every night. Then I thought this is ridiculous, you are drinking every day. So I said I would try to cut back. I now drink less frequently but I drink more in a session. When I drank those 2 litres of rum this weekend, I drank constantly, from Friday night until the bottles were empty - the early hours of Sunday morning.
As well as the binge drinking, the thing that really disturbs me about my drinking is the blackouts. I honestly lose whole weekends and cannot remember what I did, said, whatever. Thankfully I don't go out so I don't throw money around/end up in bed with strangers, which I think would happen if I was not at home. All my drinking is done at home. I usually start on Friday evening after work and am often sitting in the same place, in the same clothes, come Sunday. Then there are the injuries. I try to cook when I am drunk and often have burns on my hands and arms (though none at the moment, thank God). And I keep falling over and hitting my head. Yesterday I came to with a huge lump on my forehead. I honestly cannot remember getting it but I am assuming I feel and bumped my head. It is the second time I have hit myself there.
Obviously the worry is I am going to kill myself. I have bumped my head hard enough to see stars at least 3 times to my knowledge. I have fallen over and been too drunk to get up again. At the time I always say I am going to stop and I do manage it for a few days. Then it starts again. I never get hung over. I do shake sometiimes, especially when I have been on a real bender, as I was this weekend. But today, I feel as right as ninepence - like nothing happened. And this is the problem. If I suffered more, I thnk that would be a bigger incentive to stop. But I don't. What is more, like many others, I drink because I love alcohol. The taste, the altered feelings, the buzz.
I don't think I can do controlled drinking. I have no self control. I need to abstain completely. Has anyone got any tips to help me stay off the drink? As stated, I can go without drink for days. I just need to find a way not to start again. I feel too ashamed to go back to my doctor over this. She was so good, getting me into rehab that first time and I didn't drink for so long. I was so proud of my sobriety and feel like the biggest idiot in the world for starting again. At the moment, my liver function tests indicate that my liver is distressed but not yet damaged. Obviously I do not want liver damage on top of everything else. I desperately want to stop doing this to myself.
H
I feel sad posting here but I have to. I have been wrestling with a drink problem since 2004 - so for 2 years- and I desperately want to stop. Prior to this, I was an abstainer. I had previously had problems with alcohol due to depression and had been through therapy to quit drinking. I managed to stay sober and abstain for 8 years. Then I found out my ex husband was having an affair with my brother's wife. 3 months later I took my first drink and things have gradually been spiralling out of hand since...
We are now divorced. I divorced him. To top it all, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease earlier this year. My drinking is not helping this condition at all.
I am a binge drinker. I have no doubt about it. For example, this weekend, I consumed 2 litres of white rum in 2 days. I can then go for days without touching it. And then the cycle starts again. I didn't start out this way. When I initially started drinking again, I was drinking half a bottle of red wine a night. then it increased to a bottle. Then wine became spirits. I was drinking half a bottle of something every night. Then I thought this is ridiculous, you are drinking every day. So I said I would try to cut back. I now drink less frequently but I drink more in a session. When I drank those 2 litres of rum this weekend, I drank constantly, from Friday night until the bottles were empty - the early hours of Sunday morning.
As well as the binge drinking, the thing that really disturbs me about my drinking is the blackouts. I honestly lose whole weekends and cannot remember what I did, said, whatever. Thankfully I don't go out so I don't throw money around/end up in bed with strangers, which I think would happen if I was not at home. All my drinking is done at home. I usually start on Friday evening after work and am often sitting in the same place, in the same clothes, come Sunday. Then there are the injuries. I try to cook when I am drunk and often have burns on my hands and arms (though none at the moment, thank God). And I keep falling over and hitting my head. Yesterday I came to with a huge lump on my forehead. I honestly cannot remember getting it but I am assuming I feel and bumped my head. It is the second time I have hit myself there.
Obviously the worry is I am going to kill myself. I have bumped my head hard enough to see stars at least 3 times to my knowledge. I have fallen over and been too drunk to get up again. At the time I always say I am going to stop and I do manage it for a few days. Then it starts again. I never get hung over. I do shake sometiimes, especially when I have been on a real bender, as I was this weekend. But today, I feel as right as ninepence - like nothing happened. And this is the problem. If I suffered more, I thnk that would be a bigger incentive to stop. But I don't. What is more, like many others, I drink because I love alcohol. The taste, the altered feelings, the buzz.
I don't think I can do controlled drinking. I have no self control. I need to abstain completely. Has anyone got any tips to help me stay off the drink? As stated, I can go without drink for days. I just need to find a way not to start again. I feel too ashamed to go back to my doctor over this. She was so good, getting me into rehab that first time and I didn't drink for so long. I was so proud of my sobriety and feel like the biggest idiot in the world for starting again. At the moment, my liver function tests indicate that my liver is distressed but not yet damaged. Obviously I do not want liver damage on top of everything else. I desperately want to stop doing this to myself.
H
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