Starting over again...

[Excuses]

After another reckless binge I have come to the conclusion that I really need help. My drinking problem is bigger then me and I need to get a handle on it. Its not hard to go a certain amount of days , I just can not stop and once I start I drink myself into oblivion. As of recently I have become violent toward my husband. Obviously this is not ok and now if I dont get help and stop all together, he is going to leave me. I cant say Id blame if he did. I do not want him to go and I want to get better but not just for him, for me. I am very sick and can not live like this anymore. I know I am hurting my daughter even though she doesnt see it or say anything. I am scared , sad and have not gotten out of bed yet today. I really have to do this and I need support. Thanks for reading, just wanted to get it out there.

[mario]

Starting over again...

Hi excuses you need to get a plan in place,There is a tool box in the monthly abstinence thread check it out,it would also be good to start on a 30 day abstinence,let everything settle down and then take a look at what you really want/have to do.dont give up and dont quit quitting.

[Doggygirl]

Starting over again...

Hi Excuses. I was a daily drinker rather than a binger. However something in your post really resonated with me - getting mean to my husband. I wasn't always like that. I look back now and see that was just one of the many signs of the progression of my illness. I know what you mean about not wanting them to go, but understanding why they might. That "Jekyl and Hyde" behavior is scary!

The answer for me has been to figure out how to leave the first drink alone. I'm like you in that regard too - if I have one - Katie bar the door. I have no idea when I'll stop. So I just don't have one.

Like Mario said, visit the toolbox and make a plan. Find people here who are sober and seem to have what you want. Find out how they got there. Do what they do.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[Jolie]

Starting over again...

Excuses, you've definitely come to the right place. We've all been where you are at some level or another. We are here to deal with it. Totally agree with the others - 30 days AF seems like a long time but it is so worth it - not saying it's easy but definitely worth it.

Hope you will stick around. Read thru the other posts - it's truly comforting to know there are so many out there just like ourselves looking for and getting help. MWO is truly a remarkable place.

[leaveinsilence]

Starting over again...

I can only echo what the others have said, yes 30 days seems so un achievable but so worth the heartache getting there might cause you, 30 days as oppose to god knows how many years feeling the way you are now just doesn't compare, this time around I really got the 30 day idea and how it actually helps you deal with things that come along without reaching for that first glass.

I've realised the last couple of weeks too a lot of the tings I thought were wrong in my marriage and the hostility I felt towards hubs was in my mind and fuelled by my drinking, I'm not saying things are perfect now, but I'm seeing things in a clear light... some of the things I was blaming myself for weren't my doing, stuff I thought I was being paranoid over I wasn't, etc etc etc, I see clearer now and deal with them how I should have done.

Like you one drink one sip even and I'm caught in Al's grip, this time it's all about telling myself what will happen if I have that first sip ever again, find your ways of getting yourself through that first few moments of wanting, it does get easier although it seems unthinkable now

I wish you luck you are totally in the right place to begin, you'll find everything you need here
:l

[sunshinetoday]

Starting over again...

Excuses,
I know for me I can be two different people. I can be my lovely self when I am sober, and when I am obliterated, I am not even a small reflection of myself. I can be mean, cruel, uncaring, angry, etc. I just know that when I lose myself in Alcohol and am past the point of no return, that is not who I am in my heart. Now that I am sober I am the person my husband fell in love, a person I respect when I get out of bed in the morning. I am a person that I myself like a lot more. When I started this journey I felt like alcohol had control of me. As I journey on I realize I have the control over alcohol. It takes a while to get there, but it comes. I didn't mean to carry on about myself. I can just relate with you. I wiah you the best of luck, and I will be here cheering you on!