A Glimmer of Hope?

[wanderbird]

:new:
I'm up in the middle of the night due to screaming dry horrors & and the usual broken sleeps due to alcohol.

I have been drinking for ever, I live alone, I drink alone - every single day I start around 5pm (but it is getting a bit earlier now) I have no recollection whatsoever of what I ate - I always cook, but have to check the pots in the morning to know what it was.

I don't know who I talk to on the phone, or if I did at all...if TV was on I have no idea what/if I watched it

I did a residential rehab in a 'theraputic community ' for an intensive 3 months a couple of years back.....I didn't drink while I was there

I work (at home) exercise...but so many things don't get done, no motivation
I have tried AA, prayer (which does make me feel a bit better, but doesn't stop me drinking) rehab.....

This site has given me hope. I am in tears. I'm just a bloody mess

Q? Do I need to get the Topmac? Not sure how from here...
Thanks for listening

[Kimberley]

A Glimmer of Hope?

Hey Wander and :welcome: to the forum. You are in a safe and friendly place. Hopefully we can give you some advice.

How did you find rehab before? Did you learn anything from your time there? Do you need to detox or could you do rehab again? I am interested that you said it was a 'theraputic community ' - was that for other issues too or just alcohol?

Do you know why you drink? I believe that everyone has their own programme of what will work for them. I tried loads of things and regular AA meetings and fellowship has finally helped along with therapy for my personality disorder.

Sorry to bombard you with questions but it might help us to help you if we know a little more. If you want to stop drinking, you need a plan of action. There is a Toolbox thread on the forum that many find useful.

Sending you my best wishes and a virtual :l
K x

[wanderbird]

A Glimmer of Hope?

Hi Kimberely
Thanks for the response

The rehab was residential, cost a fortune - I have an alcohol problem as
a result of Post Truamatic Stress Disorder. I learned a huge amount while there, also have had many years of private therapy - all self funded, and I no longer have the $ resources to do this. I think I can detox alone
Why I drink? I've never really figured it out. I have hobbies, interests, own home, friends, loved ones. I do get lonely as I find new groups difficult, and can be hyper-vigilant (PTSD) I tend to live safely when it comes to people, thats how I have to look after myself
I will check out the toolbox and try to develop a plan of action

Thanks

[Kimberley]

A Glimmer of Hope?

K, the toolbox thread is here in case you didn't find it yet:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[leaveinsilence]

A Glimmer of Hope?

Hi wanderbird, just wanted to say welcome and let you know we all understand how you feel right now:l

Like Kimberely said you are in a safe place here, we've all been there at some point, you recognise you need to stop drinking and have a plan in place and thats a good start.

I wish you success on your journey, just believe in yourself:l

[Newgrange]

A Glimmer of Hope?

Hello wander bird :welcome:
This is a very supportive website. Keep in touch.
The toolbox is helpful and a plan of action sounds good!

[sapphire1]

A Glimmer of Hope?

Gday Wanderbird,

I have to rush out the door but just wanted to say hello and welcome. I have been to rehab etc etc. almost gave up on getting to where I want to be (sober) but since I joined MWO in July 2010, I have done a 360 turnaround. I will check in later to see how you are doing. If you want to talk to folk closer to your own time zone, click on the Underroos thread (Australian). Hang in there my friend, there is hope.

[wanderbird]

A Glimmer of Hope?

Thank you all for the welcome - it matters, it really matters. I take strength, and hope from some of the stories I am reading.

I am going to seriously work on my PLAN today. I am going for a walk first (dogs are great for that, even in the rain, you gotta go!)...hangover or not

I find myself fear-filled - there is a newly opened (last night) 3litre cask of wine in the cupboard. The fear is about getting rid of it. How did others handle it? Should I just go cold turkey now, or wait till I get the herbs, cd's etc? Is this just the alcohol?

I have ordered 3 books I think will be helpful
The Sobering Truth, which will most likely scare me about my health even more than I am now
The Easy Way
Drinking, a love story
They will take a while to get here unfortunately

Sapphire - will check out the underoos, thank you

[caper564]

A Glimmer of Hope?

hi Wanderbird,
I drank for many years adn it wasn't until the last few months i was forgettting. Like you i was forgetting what or if I ate, if i put the kids to bed and when .. tv shows i would watch the next day and my hubbie would say you watched that last night... I couldn't remember allot of stuff and it was getting increasingly worse every day. I would wake up in the morning hung over trying to think if I had offended anyone the night before. little by little i was going crazy. it was truly scarey.
I can only imagine what would have happened if i didn't stop. I used Antabuse and I've been sober for 6 weeks. it is the best thing i have ever done

Caper

[sapphire1]

A Glimmer of Hope?

wanderbird;1109181 wrote: Thank you all for the welcome - it matters, it really matters. I take strength, and hope from some of the stories I am reading.

I am going to seriously work on my PLAN today. I am going for a walk first (dogs are great for that, even in the rain, you gotta go!)...hangover or not

I find myself fear-filled - there is a newly opened (last night) 3litre cask of wine in the cupboard. The fear is about getting rid of it. How did others handle it? Should I just go cold turkey now, or wait till I get the herbs, cd's etc? Is this just the alcohol?

I have ordered 3 books I think will be helpful
The Sobering Truth, which will most likely scare me about my health even more than I am now
The Easy Way
Drinking, a love story
They will take a while to get here unfortunately

Sapphire - will check out the underoos, thank you

Bird It is just my opinion and youmust do whatever you feel you must do, but I would take that cask and slash it with a knife then throw it in the bin!!! It makes a massive statement to yourself that this is it....I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and it feels very empowering to destroy something that will ultimately destry you. Great stuff ordering those books. Another one that I have found very useful is 'Seven weeks to Sobriety". It gives a very detailed plan for vitamin and other supplements that really help to rebuild the body and soul after alcohol has stripped it all away. In the meantime if you do go cold turkey, have you ever done it before? and if so did you experience bad withdrawals? If you have then you might need some medical advice to prevent any complications. Ihave been able to withdraw safely although very uncomfortably on my own. I load up on lemon juice, Vitamin B, C, Zinc, Multis, Magnesium and Calcium. Then commit to about five to seven days of shakes, nausea, anxiety, sleeplessness etc. It is not the same for everyone though. Some folk get valium from their Doctors to help them out for a few days. It is so worth it to get this eveil bastard out of your life. My life has never been better, I sleep well, have no fears, no depression. I am at a point now where the grieving for my lost friend (alcohol) has been replaced with an utter revulsion to it. Stay strong my friend.:l

[hiddengoal]

A Glimmer of Hope?

Hello and Welcome!!

'Drinking, a Love Story' is amazing....excellent choice. Maybe a library has a copy of one of your choices to get started quicker....just an idea

[wanderbird]

A Glimmer of Hope?

Caper - the memory loss is a real worry, I have been like it for many years now - anything after the first glass and I have no recall at all.
I hope and pray when I have stopped for a while, my general retention will improve, with the help of supplements etc

Sapphire _ i had just come back from the beach and decided I MUST biff that wine, I poured it down the sink and the smell made me heave STILL I wanted to drink it, but its gone and I am NOT getting any more!! (I have said that many, many times, but this time is different, I can feel myself dying) I sdtopped on the way home and bought soda, juice etc as I know it helps to have something.
Also, I never drink after I have eaten - but, boy can I power it away between getting dinner started and having it ready - good at delaying the process as well
So, my committment is to have dinner @5pm, ridiculously early, but it will help
I have gone cold turkey for several days without too much ill effect - does that count?
I will keep an eye out for 'seven days to sobrierty' -
I'm a bit lost, I don't know whether to order here, or get stuff locally....I just want help as fast as I can get it
Thank you all for your support - I don't feel so isolated as I head into my first sober night in ummmmm...years

[wanderbird]

A Glimmer of Hope?

hiddengoal;1109250 wrote: Hello and Welcome!!

'Drinking, a Love Story' is amazing....excellent choice. Maybe a library has a copy of one of your choices to get started quicker....just an idea

Very, very small district here And I have always been one to buy books rather than use the library, I just love them

[Miss Behaving]

A Glimmer of Hope?

Hi Wanderbird!

I love it when I find other New Zealanders on here!!

Good on you for biffing the wine - good choice!!! And also a good plan to have dinner early - that works for me too. So does not having any money in my wallet to avoid impulse purchases!!

I ordered some stuff from here at the beginning, but to be honest I think the quality of supplements in NZ is really good, so I've gone to just buying locally. You cant get kudzu though. I tend to stick to a couple of reliable brands - Clinicians, DNS and ..... and .... another one that I cant remember!! (my memory is a bit shot too!). If they are not available where you are let me know - I'd be happy to send some to you (I'm in Wgtn)

I dont know whether you are open with your Dr or not, but if you are, it would be worth talking to him/her. GPs can now prescribe Topamax here, but are required to do a liver test first (as it is apparently a bit tough on the liver). Some will also prescribe Champix - approved here for use in anti-smoking, but some are happy to prescribe off-label for other addictions as well.

This is a wonderful community here - very supportive and there is someone here 24/7!!!

Stay strong Bird!!! You can do this!!!

[wanderbird]

A Glimmer of Hope?

Kia Ora Miss Behaving - very cool to encounter Kiwis - a sad relection on how global the problem is eh. I'm pleased I got rid of the wine, as I would have drunk it, instead I am sitting down with the book from here and an OJ & Soda by the fire, very nice. Dinner nearly ready, and as I never want booze after food, and that will take care of day 1 )

What a lovely offer to source supplements, thank you so much! I will just order them online from healthy.co.nz they, BTW do hace Kudzu as below, at $59, it looks to be potent enough along with the milk thistle, and I know totarol is a great product

Contains 1000mg of Kudzu per capsule, as well as milk thistle, dandelion & the natural antioxidant totarol extracted from native New Zealand Totara trees. 120 capsules

If I get stuck with something I will contact you, thats a great offer

My prev doctor was wonderful, she hugged me and cried with happiness that I told her I had this problem, regrettably she passed away not long after and I am not confident my new one will be OK with this. However, as I was reading in the book about how the meds affect the dopamine in your brain, I thought 'champix does that!' I have been on it previously, so I know it works and I think that is what I will do, along with all the sups.
I am so relieved to have found all you wonderful folk here