fellow closet drinkers?

[looking for peace]

I'm just taking an informal poll on just how many of us are/were secret or closet drinkers.

I am a closet drinker. I use drinking to numb out life, or to enhance it if I happen to be in the rare good mood or socializing. In otherwords, most evenings for over 20 years I drink. I drink in secret hiding it especially from my husband. I have a stash in my closet. If not, I sneak gulps of anything that's in the liquor cabinet, watering the bottles down if it's obvious and replacing whats missing with a trip to the liquor store the next day. My family thinks I drink socially and maybe just a few drinks during the week. I haven't always pulled it of and have been caught several times. I just tell my husband I will stop and eventually it dies down and I go back to my old routine.

This is the reason why I can't get rid of the liquor in the house. My husband drinks
responsibly. I can't tell him any of this, I don't want to explain why. I just want to know how many people do the same thing.

This is so humiliating, I can only admit it online. But getting it out feels really good. You are the first people I've told about the secrecy. I'm actually a memebr for over a year, but posted here by mistake. I am doing better tha a year ago, but want to do much better that now.

[lolab]

fellow closet drinkers?

hi LFP and Molly. I'm another one. well, maybe a "laundry room drinker" I guess. I did exactly what you did Molly. We've even been best friends with our neighbors so get togethers at their place would always have me running home for "something" - chugging some vodka and then going back and acting like "oh NO, I just can't have another glass of wine!" It's been going on for years. And then got to the point where I was taking some vodka to bed with me in a "water glass" in case I woke up - and when I woke up in the morning, if there was some left? I'd drink it. Get started all over again. It sickens me to think about it.

It was all very secret - but also out in the open. Not my husband, son, other family, or friends know the extent of it.....I don't know why - maybe the shame? I don't know if I'll ever tell or not - I just don't want to right now....just working through it on my own. The bottles were stashed in the laundry room somewhere, but the water glasses were usually in plain sight. Nobody checked. my weekends and afternoons/evenings were spent looking for an "opening" where I could go out to the laundry room and refill. It definitely makes quitting pretty tough - but everybody has to do things their own way, I guess.

[leaveinsilence]

fellow closet drinkers?

Hi LFP

Your post sounds so familiar, why? because that is me to a tee, I always had a supply in my wardrobe, a bottle stashed away in the bathroom just incase my hubs came to bed and I didn't get chance to sneak my wardrobe bottle back downstairs, of course if I did I'd drink that and the bathroom one too. Molly that was me too with the vodka glass, (how I ever thought it looked like water I don't know now, water certainly doesn't cling to the glass the way neat vodka does.) I'd have a glass at bedtime (Half a large hiball glass at least) to wash down the wine with, or to settle my stomach no matter how much the thought of drinking it made me shudder, then knock the rest back the following morning, take the kids to school then if I was at home, I'd finish the bottle then so I wouldn't have any left so I couldn't drink anymore that day, sleep it off then start it all over again once the kids were in bed.. the thought of me doing that sickens me now..


The stress of not having to worry about someone finding the empties or having to down a glass in one when I heard hubs on the stairs is so wonderful.

[Jolie]

fellow closet drinkers?

Me too - me too!

I was a "basement" drinker. Use to have a shelf where the bottles/boxes of wine were kept. Would go down to "look for a recipe book" and fill my 16 ounce container with what everyone else thought was chicken stock that was stored on the refrigerator door. Now who in the world would use chicken stock but me? My husband every once in a while would say "you smell like alcohol" and I would play it off. He has no idea the extent of my drinking and neither does anyone else. I have never told anyone - the only people that know are God and all my friends here at MWO - and I thank God every day for all of you.

Do you think we were really getting away with it? I honest to God think my family was oblivious to the fact that I drank every single night until I went to bed and passed out.

Seems so pathetic looking back.

[azmarkm]

fellow closet drinkers?

god I have it wrong

Seems I have it wrong. Let the hope run.

[Jolie]

fellow closet drinkers?

Azmarkm - you okay?

[looking for peace]

fellow closet drinkers?

Your posts remind me of all of the years of my secret drinking. The closet was not the only place I kept my stash . Over the years I have hid bottles in the hamper, garage, backyard, under the bathroom sink, in suitcases etc... There were so many places that when we moved, I consolidated to just the closet and behind the towels in the linen closet.

I have had a pretty good week and don't have any bottles in my closet now, I hope I can keep it up. I had one half glass of wine at a wine a cheese yesterday.

Azkarm, I hope everything is OK.

Lolab, I know exactly what you mean about dealing with this on your own (with the help of people on MWO). I am like you, MWO, God and I know the full extent to my problem. It may be part upbringing, I am really concerned about what other people think of me. It may be fear of being abandoned by my family and friends if they find out how pathetic I am. I really don't know, but I am dealing with it my way.

Jolie, I laughed at hiding the vodka in the chicken stock box. Clever! We can be quite a creative bunch.

[CakeQueen]

fellow closet drinkers?

Me too , my husband know I drink but not to the extent I do I have drunk bottles of vodka during the day and refilled them with water so he doesnt know that I had drunk it all , I always have a spare bottle hidden and some in the car I am too horrified actually typing this

I too chucked at the chicken stock box ... would have made nice gravy though lol

[azmarkm]

fellow closet drinkers?

OK

Jolie;1110042 wrote: Azmarkm - you okay?

I am just tired of being drunk. It is the stopping that I fear most and I will feel.

[damo180]

fellow closet drinkers?

I was such a big secret drinker.
It took over my life.
Always looking for ways to have an extra beer.
When I went to the pub with my wife , I would always look for a seat where you couldnt see the bar, so when I went to the bar to buy a drink, I could sneak a half a beer most times through the night.

Hope all is ok azMarkm.
Tomorrow is another day, but you really need to get some AF time going.
Best of luck pal.

Damo

[foxtrott]

fellow closet drinkers?

I thought I was the only sneaky drinker aka closet drinker. In reality I know I'm not alone in this but being sneaky makes me feel so alone. I spend so much of my time and energy on hiding, sneaking, plotting and planning where to hid it and incorporating it into social and family situations without anyone knowing. My husband is gone during the week, however I have an adult alcoholic son who lives with us.....so I have to be doubly sneaky.
I have spent so much of my adult life on the other side of addiction. Having family members who were alcoholic, my sons father drank himself to death at the age of 49. It has been in the last 5 yrs all this has overtaken me.....I use to never drink - I wasn't raised in a family that drank. Then slowly over the last 5 yrs I have gotten so I drink at least 5 of 7 days. I get up everyday and say...today is the day - I will not drink. I started counseling over a yr ago.....going weekly, then every other week. I got to the point where I was lying about the drinking, acting like everything was fine.....now how low is that? I stopped 3 months ago, as I just couldn't go in an keep lying to the counselor. I have the tools-books, CD's, supplements, the knowledge of addiction, but I can't stop. I am at a point I am afraid for my health what I have done to it. I have to stop. I have considered a rehab but I just cannot go locally, I know too many people that work there....I confided this secret to a dear friend over a year ago, she was very understanding....but has never once since talked about it or ask how I was doing. I work daily at a large company and function fine....if I went up to anyone at work other than my friend I confided in....they would laugh at me. I am secluding myself and avoiding my family....I have 6 beautiful grandchildren that I want to be here for but I am fearing I won't be if I don't stop drinking. I pray to God and go to church.............so far today I have not drank so I will have 1 day sober....I will pray for two.....I do apologize for rambling......at least coming here we see we are not alone, no matter what our behavior.

[madmans]

fellow closet drinkers?

I use to drink and then top up bottles all the time , that was fine until one day trying to make a hot whiskey for my MIL and ended up pouring a lot of brownish 95% watered down whiskey into her glass while she watched. The woman never even said a word about it but i think she new.
Foxtrott how are you today? we are never alone hear , don't be afraid to ask questions or for help .

[Doggygirl]

fellow closet drinkers?

The funniest thing for me was realizing that all the other alkies in the world thought up the exact same "sneaky tactics" that I did. And here I thought I was so smart and clever and unique! :H

In some circles, I was the last to know I was an alkie.

DG

[mylife]

fellow closet drinkers?

Wow, I have to say this was really enlightening for me!

My hubby being a 1/2 glass of wine drinker always frowned if I had more than one glass. So I quickly became a secret drinker. I started with drinking a glass before we had dinner or whatever, and then it quickly escalated to hiding bottles etc. I thought I was unusual there!

Jolie, that chicken stock is so creative! Wow, I have to hand it to you! :H I was so NOT creative, and I frequently got caught!

So glad those are things of the past now! I also don't know if I'll ever share with my family (other than my husband no one had any idea there was a problem) and friends the extent my drinking got to. It makes me sick to think about it and I'd rather just put it behind me!

[Doggygirl]

fellow closet drinkers?

mylife;1110735 wrote: So glad those are things of the past now! I also don't know if I'll ever share with my family (other than my husband no one had any idea there was a problem) and friends the extent my drinking got to. It makes me sick to think about it and I'd rather just put it behind me!

It's interesting to figure out where honesty is important and where it's best to just carry on. For me, I think the acid test is whether I find myself in a continuing lie. As long as there is nothing to lie about, then my past can just stay there. If I find myself keeping up a charade of some sort, then I have to think harder about what to do. Living lies in the here and now is what I'm trying to avoid. I have been 100% honest with my husband and that has sometimes been hard, but I'm so glad I'm clean on everything. Most of the stuff he knew anyway or could have easily guessed. Lots we laugh about now which feels cathartic. I don't have to pretend like I am Super Perfect Wife, the new action hero.

DG