fellow closet drinkers?

[AKwineo]

fellow closet drinkers?

I am a "craft room" drinker. It started with wine, but in the last few weeks has turned into vodka. The worst part for me is when I have to empty all my stash bottles. Thats when it really hits hard, when I have to sneak out the trash, and it is usually over 10 bottles. So embarrassing. I don't know what I would do if someone saw my stash of empty bottles. It has gotten so bad, that I have to think this is rock bottom. I need, no, I WANT to quit before something really bad happens.

[lolab]

fellow closet drinkers?

Ak wineo - I know the feeling....I was a wine lover for years - but for convenience it changed to vodka - and things got really tough to quit. I'm pretty new at working through it all and can understand what you're saying. It's astounding isn't it - how many bottles there are to dispose of? I think the switch to vodka is a real red flag....I just wanted to let you know that I understand...and it sounds like you're fairly new with the switch to vodka, and maybe the perfect time to put the brakes on...I'd be happy to chat with you more...:-)

[Softy]

fellow closet drinkers?

Last week I bought a bottle of beer in the supermarket alongside the bottle of wine I bought to share with my wife. I drank the beer half in the supermarket car park and the other half in the car outside my house. This was a stark reminder of my behaviours that caused me to try to stop. I had got to the point of buying half liter bottles of spirits which I could hide in my laptop case. I would pour a glass of wine each for my wife and I then make an excuse to go into the room next door to use the computer. It was there that I guzzled the spirits in secret. How many empties I had to get rid of! I used to stop on the way to work near some shops and drop my empty in the bin. I cannot describe how low this made me feel.

[AKwineo]

fellow closet drinkers?

lolab;1112567 wrote: Ak wineo - I know the feeling....I was a wine lover for years - but for convenience it changed to vodka - and things got really tough to quit. I'm pretty new at working through it all and can understand what you're saying. It's astounding isn't it - how many bottles there are to dispose of? I think the switch to vodka is a real red flag....I just wanted to let you know that I understand...and it sounds like you're fairly new with the switch to vodka, and maybe the perfect time to put the brakes on...I'd be happy to chat with you more...:-)

Thank you LoLab! I needed someone to say it outloud. I am realizing that I just can't be alone, or I drink. I don't want to have to ask BF to not leave me alone cuz I cant stop. I will conquer this and will not buy vodka anymore. I have stopped taking my wallet to work, in fear that I will stop after work to purchase the poison.
I needed slap in the face. (in a good way) from you. :thanks:
thank you!

[dancingon]

fellow closet drinkers?

Like many of you, I would drink a bottle with my husband, but have a bottle or half bottle somewhere in my room and I'd have a glass or two before he came home. If he went out I'd sometimes have more. I wonder who I thought I was fooling, but then had his own substance abuse issues, so didn't always notice.

I know it's shameful to admit you have a problem, but often your loved ones have noticed at least part of your problem and either don't know how to raise it, or they're in denial.
The one thing I have noticed is that it's easier to stay off alcohol if you're accountable to someone. If your husband genuinely hasn't noticed and disapproves of a second wine, that may be awkward and embarrassing. But are you sure he hasn't noticed the smell of it, your behaviour as the evening progresses, the flush on your cheeks?

[sunshinetoday]

fellow closet drinkers?

Good thread.
Closet drinker, yup, that was me. I think I used 2 closets in the house, a suitcase, and wherever was easy for me. I to switched to vodka and would place it in the water bottles so I could carry them around with me. I agree the switch is a red flag, because before it was always wine. Towards the end it was a few mini bottles instead of all the other stuff. I was always tired of having to go through all the trouble of sneaking, disguising, hiding, ridding of empties, and restart cycle:zonedout:. I think the only one doing any fooling was me fooling myself, because hubs knew. Oh, so glad there is no more of that. Glad to have fellow hide and seekers here. And yes, it is a very lonely feeling.
Take Care

[Jolie]

fellow closet drinkers?

This is such a good thread and I've already posted once but just wanted to comment back to mylife on being so "clever". I guess reading it here at first (hiding wine in a chicken stock box), it was funny and I can so relate with everyone else about the huge effort it took to "hide" all the bottles. Like others here have said, I think the red flag is raised as well when we switch to something like vodka. I like the taste of wine but not vodka so obviously I was drinking for the effect and not the taste.

It's just amazing how much AL takes control of our life - where to hide the bottles, how to get rid of them, worrying about a security camera catching me while dumping bottles at 6:00 in the morning outside a little convenience store, worrying whether I would have enough without stopping off at the store, mixing up the places of purchase so no one would get too used to me on a regular basis. So much damn energy spent on this - where was there time for really living in all of this madness???

Thank God for this site and all of you guys. Don't ever want to go back to that way of life again!

[JudyBlueEyes]

fellow closet drinkers?

Oh boy, do I see myself here! I always have to have that secret stash so I can sneak away and add to however much I've already had to drink. Drawers, closets, backs of cabinets...maybe the only place I didn't think of was the chicken stock container! Every once in a while, I'll be looking for something and run across an empty I'd forgotten about. How sad is that? Right now, I can't imagine living a life out in the open, as I've been hiding this addiction for years. I'm not sure if I've been fooling anyone or not, but surely not myself.

[spuddleduck]

fellow closet drinkers?

so horribly familiar.. and yes i thought i was the only person so clever/stupid to do this. popping to the 'laundry' room every five minutes for that quick glug. i found white wine in a teacup looked very much like chamomile tea...... hmmmm did anyone ever notice.... or did they just think i was keen on my laundry and loved chamomile tea. well i think we know the answer to that one.

[autumn]

fellow closet drinkers?

This has been actually quite painful to read. I could of written any of the above, and my god do I share the pain and guilt too.

However, chicken stock! I roared, that has to get the 'most ingenious stash' award, painfully brilliant!!

I had been questioning the whole sober thing today, and reading this thread has kicked me up the pants and reminded me why I NEVER want to go back to those bloody awful days. The swapping from wine to Vodka really was the red flag moment I crossed over and thought I was never coming back. I never had to drink wine to be normal, but my god I had to chugg vodka just to stop the hurting.

Everything became a military operation on an epic scale, the buying it, sneaking it in, decanting it into a water bottle, hiding the empties, disposing of the empties! Sneaking them out of the house and dropping them in bins, crazy crazy days.

The 'oh I've just had one glass of wine', whilst being topped up all day on vodka. Instigating going out for lunch so I could legally have a glass of wine to then hide the smell of vodka I would have to knock back. Cooking in the kitchen was my thing, dinner would take hours to make, with my one glass of wine, whilst knocking back huge glasses of vodka. And yuck, even pouring neat vodka into my wine to drink with dinner. That tasted vile, I used to sip whilst trying not to pull that neat spirit face.

Yep the glass of Vodka mixed with squash by the bed, praying Mr A would not pick it for a sip, and the horror when he would clear it away and pour it down the sink, whilst tidying up and loading the dishwasher. Or trying to retrieve the bottle stashed in the wardrobe in middle of the night whilst praying he wouldn?t wake up and catch me.

I utterly despised the burden of carrying round such a huge secret. Having to drink large vodkas to feel normal is not normal!

But chicken stock, priceless !!:H

[lolab]

fellow closet drinkers?

it's funny Autumn...I could have written everything that you just said.....and you were the one who started the thread that most affected me here at MWO when I first joined...I guess we are kindred spirits...it was "what I really don't miss" in the general discussion. I don't know how to link to it. But it was and is very powerful to me....thank you.

[autumn]

fellow closet drinkers?

Thanks Lolab,

I hope you are in a good place, and getting as much from this site as I do. When I go back and re-read that posting it feels like it was someone elses nightmare life!

It's moments like this when a wobble is sneaking up, that MWO comes and puts it all back into reality as to why we need to work at this.

The support on this site is awesome, and no one here judges, and every one utterly understands what each of us are going through.

I cant easily get to AA meetings due to my job, but here, I feel like I can have a support meeting anytime of day

[Doodles123]

fellow closet drinkers?

fellow closet drinkers

Hi,

My husband does not drink so when I do he criticises me. So, I started hiding it. Things are getting out of control.

I joined this discussion - maybe we can all help each other.

[prayingitsnottolate]

fellow closet drinkers?

I have empties right now that I hide in bins, under blankets in baskets and I always know that my bf knows I have been drinking when he offers me a beer. After that one beer I am already buzzed because I had been drinking before he even showed up. One of my sneaky ways was to buy vodka and pour it into a bottle of gatorade or powerade and sip all day especially after a night of binge drinking. It's an awful feeling when you find bottles or empty cans that you stowed away because you thought you just might be caught. I think part of the reason I started sneaking drinks is because I was in denial when my boyfriend would tell me I had enough I felt like he was putting me down and knew I could handle more to drink if I wanted it. I am now sure that I can't handle more. For me one is not enough and two is too many. Because once I drink one, I keep on drinking.

[bettygirl]

fellow closet drinkers?

glad this thread was brought back up, it reminds me of the misery I was living ion for so many years, and it makes my resolve to stay sober that much stronger!
I hid my drinking from EVERYONE. my husband is a physician, and he didn't know how bad I was, because he is a trusting soul, and he believed me when I said I had quit years before. my kid thought I had quit too. I had to hide it, or I would disappoint them. well, I ended up in the er with withdrawals, and they found out anyway...

you don't have to live like that!

peace