Hello Folks

[Hidden]

:new:

I have been lurking for a while now, I realised about 2 years ago that I had developed a serious alcohol problem. I never used to drink, it just wasn't something I thought about much, then I got with my partner of 12 years (he is in his late 50's, I am a woman in my middle 40's) who is a heavy drinker.

The funny thing is, after I realised how much he drank, i made it a project to try and get him to give it up, which he didn't, and I doubt he ever will. He is what you would call a highly functioning alcoholic.

So fast foreword 12 years, and I now have a huge problem with alcohol. I can't have just one, or 2 as I tried the other night, I will just continue to drink to oblivion. I drink nearly a bottle of wine a night, and have for the last few years.....I have to stop this, I have done things I am deeply ashamed of, and I work in a very male dominated industry, and I am amazed it has not affected my reputation any worse than it already has so far.

I used the name "Hidden" as unfortunatly I hide my alcohol problem very well, most of the time. I don't get slurry when drunk, pass out, throw up, or stagger,and aperrently have very intelligant conversations. The problem with this, is I cannot remember any of it.

I did not drink anything last night, but have felt depressed, hopeless and sad all day, is this normal?

I can stay away from alcohol when my partner is away, but when he is here, there is always alcohol in the house. He knows that I have a problem ( he doesn't know the extent of the collateral damage created by it though, I imagine he would probably leave me if he knew).

I need to get a grip now, as I am going to a conference soon, which I always drink at, and am still dealing with the fallout from the last one.

I have bought the PDF book, and am waiting for it to arrive, any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I have felt the mind crippling anxiety, depression, absolute self loathing, guilt and shame that is so often mentioned here, and I just want to become me again...

Thank you.

[DSLR]

Hello Folks

Hello Hidden :welcome:,

I too was with an alcoholic, although not for such along time, but long enough for it to contribute to me losing control over my drinking I think. Your experience sounds like mine, a bottle a night, doing things that normally you wouldn't even consider, forgetting what you had done, the depression, self loathing, all these things I have felt.

There are some amazing people in this community who will really give you the support and guidance you need right now. Some have taken on that challange to take control back and stop, others like me are still on that journey, but no matter where people are, the one things that defines us all, is we want to stop drinking and CAN STOP DRINKING.

When I started my 30 days AF, which I haven't done for probably over a decade, my depresison seemed to get better, then worse. My weight didn't change and skin got worse, so it is easy to think 'oh what's the point if things are going to get better I might as well drink' but it is the little things that do start to get better and the suddenly you notice the bigger changes.

My skin is still really bad but there may in fact be another reason for that due to my age, which I would never have considered or sort treatment for if I hadn't stopped drinking. My weight has started to go down, but slowly, probably like it should do. I can manage the days I feel depressed now much better than before and I am getting less and less of them.

So Hidden, there is EVERY reason to tackle this head on now and NO reason to drink. Stick around here and let your new friends help you. The Newbies Nest is a great place to hang out with some truely inspiriational people, who know exactly what we are going through.

I look forward to seeing how you are getting on and please remember Hidden, you are not alone here, you are amongst friend. :l

[Hidden]

Hello Folks

Dear DSLR,
thank you so much for reaching out....it is so greatly apreciated.xxx I think I have finally, hopefully realised i cannot drink sensibly. I went out with a friend the other night (part of my collatoral damage) who is a very moderate drinker, I managed to stick to 2 wines, then went home and had a bottle.

Thanks for mentioning the weight issue, I need to know things like this, or the voice WILL say you might as well drink. The funny thing is, before I became addicted to alcohol, I was an addiction councelor, HA!!

Again, thank you very much for replying I will visit here often, as I really need to attend this next conferrance sober.

[mario]

Hello Folks

Hi & welcome hidden to mwo, Great community here with lots of good support and advice, post your thoughts as much as you can and you will see you are not alone in fighting this. stick it out and i hope to see you around.

[Hidden]

Hello Folks

Thanks Guys

So Much, Mario,
I have read some of your posts, and DSLR's, and feel stronger already.

:thanks:

Just a question, how did you guys deal with the social drinking urges?

[mario]

Hello Folks

At the start hidden I made a deision that I just would not go to them as getting my self right was the more important than social functions,They will always be there., So it was maybe 9 weeks before i ventured out, just stead for a bit and then left,

[Hidden]

Hello Folks

Social stuff

Hi Mario, I sometimes do that, don't go to social events because I am trying not to drink......

This conferrance I have coming up, I have to attend, I am one of the chairs of it (amazingly enough and can't not go, it's in 3 weeks ....this is why I will probably drive everyone mad here for a while, I am trying to build resistance. The one I went to last year was a nightmere becuse of my drinking, I fell apart, did stuff I really regret, and hurt someone I care about very much.....

I also find it very difficult having alcohol in the house with my partner.

BTW, I used to be a cocaine addict, I literally just gave it up one day, and now couldn't imagine ever taking drugs.

[mario]

Hello Folks

Well you can certainly use the tools that you used to stay of cocaine to stay of alcohol,

How is your partner with you on your goal to stop drinking ?

[Hidden]

Hello Folks

It was interseting Mario...I battled the cocaine thing for a few years , then i was making my partner a clay sculpture ofor his birthday, a friend brought some stuff around, and I thought, "if I take that, it is predictable what will happen" and i wont be able to finnish my sculpture tommorrow. The urge to take it just did leave me. My partner was highly addicted to it, which is again one of the reasons I ended up taking it....A few months later, i told him I loved him, but could no longer live with him while he was taking it, and apart from a few slip ups, he completely gave it up.

He does not think I have an alcohol problem, I go away for bussiness a lot, and he doesnt see the damage....plus he has already told me he will not give up drinking.

[mario]

Hello Folks

Well hidden your first priority has to be yourself,Maybe you can talk to him about trying to support you as in not drinking in front of you and not putting the temptation in front of you as it all helps,When I stopped drinking my partner still kept drinking but slowly she now rarely does,keep posting and talking to everyone here and dont forget to use the toolbox in the monthly thread. :-)

[Lavande]

Hello Folks

Hello Hidden & welcome to MWO!

This is a great place, you'll find lots of info & support.
After you read the MWO book take a look in the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for some good ideas to help you make your plan.

You can accomplish a lot in a few weeks provided you make a strong commitment to do so. I removed all AL from the house, told my husband he would be drinking in his garage/shop & not in front of me, etc. He was a beer drinker anyway which really didn't interest me, wine was my poison of choice. I vowed to never buy another bottle & to this day I haven't. Set yourself up to succeed right from the very beginning

The MWO Hypno CDs were very helpful to me. Changing your thinking about AL is a must, whatever way you choose to do it - just get it done!

Please feel free to drop in the Newbies Nest thread & say hello
Wishing you the best on your journey!

Lav

[mylife]

Hello Folks

Hello Hidden,

It sounds to me like you need to make the decision internally that you're not going to drink anymore as you did with cocaine. You might also want to keep in mind that in some ways giving up a drug is easier than giving up AL which is socially acceptable and easily purchased.

As for your partner, my husband still drinks, but he's not an Alcoholic. I don't think it's fair for me to put my problems with Al on him and make him stop drinking. However, I did ask him not to keep AL around the house for awhile until I build up my "strength". He now might keep a couple of beers in the pantry or something, but no bottles of wine are laying around to tempt me in a weak moment. (That was my weakness).

Wishing you luck on your journey!

[Hidden]

Hello Folks

Day 3 Feeling Fantastic

Hi Guys,
Well its day 3, gosh, and for the first time in a long time, I have woken up feeling fantastic. Someone here said its like the differrance between night and day, it really is.

The house is sparkling clean, as instead of drinking last night, I scrubbed it out, and it is such a lovely thing to wake up to. Its also a wonderful feeling not worrying if I sent someone a drunken email. I have tried to give up drinking beofre, the longest i lasted was a week, but in that time, the same feeling of security came back. The security of not having to wonder what I have (or who I have ) done, or said.

My partner comes back today, with his bottles of wine and Whisky. I am going to just ignore it.

Cheers Dears.

[Hidden]

Hello Folks

Hello Lave, and ML.

Lav you are right, cocaine is not as excepted. The industry we both worked in, (film industry) regarded it as completly norma thoughl, so i gave up whilst still being surounded by it. I reckon if I can do that once, I can do it again.

My partner will not modify, or not have alcohol in the house or drink somewhere else. I have asked him too, and at this point he can't do it, which is why i have told him I will not go to our holiday house with him, as I need AF time.

I realised last night that my drinking problem started when we moved in together 4 years ago, almost a sort of "if you can't beat them, join them".

With the cocaine, the urge to finnish my creative project was stronger than my urge to take the drug , I didn't drink much then, BTW.

Thanks for the replies, it DOES help knowing people have been through a similar thing.
Cheers H

[joebloggs]

Hello Folks

I'm with you

Hey Hidden,

I found and joined this site yesterday! So I am in the same place as you right now. If you look at my posts from yesterday you'll see "My Confession".

I too hate myself and have done some really sad things over the years whilst drunk!

We will both find this hard as our husbands both drink. My hubby however does not have a problem and can stop after two or three of an evening. I wish!

I downloaded the book in PDF format and read it last night. It's ver helpful. I ordered the starter pack and only had two glasses of wine and two G & T's last night a far cry form the two bottles plus. I feel good this morning however, will I ever stop thinking about booze?? It's on my mind all the time. I'm hopful but can't imagine a day without having it or thinking about it.

Stay in touch and take each day as it comes.

lol
JB