I told you so...

[Softy]

Here is your chance to say it to me. I can't moderate. I now know that. I haven't drank much but the control is not there. I had some beer a week last Friday. Went to a BBQ and on a holiday and stayed dry. One day drinking in 14 weeks. I thought I was winning. Feeling in control we decided to share a bottle of wine last night. I went to the supermarket to buy it. Spent ten minutes finding the strongest ABV bottle and then it happened. I don't know what happened that is the worry. I found myself buying the wine but also buying a pint bottle of Guiness. This was the only bottle with a screw top. I drank it down in one on the path in front of the house before eating a mint and going indoors with the wine. Mrs Softy didn't suspect thing. I was out at five this morning fishing, but didn't enjoy it. Felt a mixture of guilt and hangover. I am such an idiot. You all warned me but I had to learn my own mistake. Now in terms of being an alkie one pint of Guiness and half a bottle of wine isn't over the top. However it is the lack of control and relapse in alkie behavior which has frightened me to death. I have started smoking since giving up drinking and keep telling myself that I don't have a tobacco addiction. Every packet will be my last. I went all last week without then bought some on the way back from holiday. Today is a new day. I cant reverse yesterday but I can take heed. Here we go again. Lets be honest. Day One for me. Time to start all over again. Sorry for letting down anyone soft enough to give me any respect. Respect is earned not given and I have done nothing to earn it. KEEP ON KEEPING ON (and this time I shall do as I say not as I do)

[sunshinetoday]

I told you so...

Hi Softy,

I am really proud of you. You had the courage to find out. You found out that you don't have the control. In doing that you didn't completely binge or go overboard. Don't be to hard on yourself, you did well. I feel that many times we have to do things for ourselves in order for them to have relevance in our life, whether they work or not we hopefully take away a valuable lesson learned. Good job softy. Great to have you back in the swing of things here on the site.

[free at last]

I told you so...

Dear Softy,
I have watched your progress with inspiration and as you acknowledge that moderation is not the path for you, please know we all are cheering for you. I wrote last week that I am following your lead and posting a weekly report on how I am doing. Today is the start of day 10 for me -- watch for those Thursday evening posts!

[madmans]

I told you so...

Hi Softy , you haven't let anyone down in fact you have helped people by coming back and posting how you feel. I tried for years to moderate but if i wasn't drinking i was thinking about drinking or recovering from drinking. It's a hell of a lot easier being AF than moderating

[Softy]

I told you so...

Uncanny

Thanks for the posts. Sunshine today and free at last seem to be darkly coincidental user names to respond to my confession. I have the exact opposite experience at the moment - there doesn't feel like much sunshine here today and neither am I free at last. I have discovered this is a harder more difficult battle than I had expected. Nice to know I am human. I suppose to err is human and to forgive is divine. In the absence of my Guardian Angel this afternoon I will have to be the divine one and forgive myself! Onwards and upwards:h

[Doggygirl]

I told you so...

Softy, you have earned my respect with your honesty. :l

I think we all have to do some experimentation to finally figure out, once and for all, with 100% certainty, The Truth. I know I did. The nice part is that once I was 100% sure, instead of 98% sure, the process of getting sober and staying sober became easier. The whole question of drinking safely again "someday" was totally off the table -a very good thing for me.

Nicotine is a bugger too. I feel for you there. I quit smoking first, and OH MY did my drinking volume go way up. And much earlier in the day. Giving up one addiction accelerated the other one. Glad to have both monkeys off my back today - you can do it too.

DG

[mario]

I told you so...

Softy you havent let any body down and I dont think anybody here will be saying I told you so as we are all different and someones way out is not always everybody else's,You tried and you have found that its not working so your back as good as and honest as ever,I dont know how many times i tried before i realised my way out, anyway wishing you the best as always.

[JackieClaire]

I told you so...

Did some one call my name :angelgirl:.


I can totally identify with searching the shelves for the highest ABV. I also used to do the 'ooh that first drink has gone straight to my head' chatter knowing fine well I'd had a sneaky one before I got into the house.

Softy, hun, not one of us here is going to say I told you so. I think I said I spent way too many years faffing about with modding that it had to go. You know me AF all the way.

Anyways, you're back on track with your absolutely honest and open posts. Hard lesson we have to learn but we get there in the end.

J x
:l

[cpn1004]

I told you so...

You all are aware of the "drink tracker" on this site, right?
Well that wasn't good enough for me. I kept an Excel spreadsheet for two years until I finally admitted I was powerless over alcohol and could not moderate.
Hopefully it won't take that long for others.

[Guest]

I told you so...

Hey Softy

Sometimes we just have to do these things in order to come to the realisation that it just isn't possible. The immediate return to alcoholic behaviours can be pretty scary though. A 'normal', moderating drinker wouldn't hide it like that. At the moment I'm still having the occasional drinking evening whilst on Naltrexone, but it's been scary and I'm trying to recognise any old pattern habits just incase it's simply an excuse to drink.

Lost count of the number of times over the years I tried to moderate...........

[DriftyAlison0]

I told you so...

I am so proud of you admitting this Softy. Modding has its difficulty and there are times when I catch myself slipping on my goal, but then I get it in gear and it is getting easier to stick to my goal. Modding isn't for everyone and for some they don't find out that Modding isn't for them until they try it.

[leaveinsilence]

I told you so...

Just wanted to add my support sweetie:l

Like the others have said you haven't let anyone down, you've just put the idea of being able to mod to bed in your mind now, you know now it's not a choice for you, but you've recognised it and now you can build on it, like JC and I think it was DG said it's got easier for me this time round knowing I can't mod, it's one less thing that comes to my mind, although AL is always going to be there, I can banish the thought of the possibilty as you now can, if I find myself thinking about physically drinking my mind starts panicking about me running out of wine after the first glass so I know it's not a choice for me.

Be kind to yourself:l

[dancingon]

I told you so...

Hi Softy
You live and learn, and unfortunately you have to learn for yourself.
I think there are a lot of psychological issues underlying when and where we drink that makes moderating difficult. It seems like some people who take Topomax can do it, at least while they're on it.
I find trying to moderate at home too stressful. I can have a drink after work or at a restaurant and that's fine, but if I was to do it too often I would be back to buying another bottle to drink at home afterwards. It's not worth it. You have to know your own vice.

[vintage girl]

I told you so...

Softy, just want to say thanks and :l

You know i am only a few days behind you, and I am struggling with these issues.

Fair does, you gave it a go and admitted it wasn't for you. Do you know how big an impact reading this has had on me?

Thank you, so much!

[spuddleduck]

I told you so...

softy you have my respect, both for your af time and your recent struggle.
i can identify with the drinking 'alcoholicly'. even when i have thought i have been drinking reasonably sensibly i still have all the bad traits of an alki.... topping my glass up when its only half empty, sneaking a quick one before i 'offically' drink..... i could go on. as long as i am doing that i know i am still very much in the grips of alcohol.