My Confession

[joebloggs]

II have been hooked on this site ever since I found it earlier today. How inspiring.

My confession... I open a bottle of wine at about 3pm, drink it, hide the empty and open another, have one glass from it just before my husband gets in at 7pm. He thinks I've only had one glass so we then go on to drink together until bedtime. This has been going on for too long. It's scary how normal I am after a bottle of wine. Normal, in my mind only I guess.

My husband only has two or three glasses a night whereby I will be topping mine up secretly in the kitchen and can often open another one without him noticing for myself. On top of the bottle sunk in the afternoon.

My biggest shame is that I have a 3yr old and an 8mth old. My excuse has been that after nursery pick up I have no reason not to drink and I'd prefer to "float" through the dinner, bath and bedtime hrs rather than pull my hair out. I feel like a terrible terrible mother, however my kids think I'm fun when I prance and dance around after my wine. NOT good.

This is going to be hard as my husband drinks and so does his nearby family. Sat and Suns bottles are open by noon. I'm not sure any of them know I have a problem.

I'm hoping the book which I have down loaded and will start reading tonight will help me get over these excuses/hurdles I put in the way.

Today I have just had my first glass of wine and it's 7pm, that's progress but I have along way to go.

[tlrgs]

My Confession

in life you are the only one that can really change how you feel or do things and you are doing it .. just by coming here and looking for ways to help yourself ...
so just keep it going but one day at a time ... good luck and rememeber we are here for the same thing so keep on posting and asking any or all of your questions and you will get to where you want to be in life

[lil.michelle]

My Confession

Oh hunni, i used to be just like you. I would drink as soon as my lo came home from nursery, better if she had the day off cause i could start of sooner. i drank cause of the 'stress' of the kids (crap) Drinking just made me a lot more stresses and edgier towards them. I drank to give me energy.. Crap... it made me tired after the 'buzz' it gave. I had soooo many excuses to drink while 'looking' after my kids. I say 'looking' after as clearly anyone who has a bottle of wine while looking after kids are NOT looking after them, the kids are looking after themselves. The sad fact is, you can't hide from the fact (nor could i) i was putting AL before the well being of my children. I just thank the stars above that nothing happened to my children while i drank. It is neglect even tho you love your children to bits. it's hard to accept but when i was told this, it was the only thing that kicked my ass in to gear to become sober. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Even when my little girl was 2, she knew what what mummy was doing when i picked up that bottle when we went to the shop... She watched me, she watched EVERYTHING i did, she took notice, she took it all in to that beautiful little head of hers ='( I remember one day, she just looked at me with these eyes that looked like she was crying inside when i picked up the bottle, did i stop me.. no, i was sooo selfish.
HOWEVER,
I have been sober for 7/8 months (maybe longer i don't know, i don't count anymore) It can be done. I NOW do soooo much more with my kids, i have the energy, no stupid reason to run home after nursery, i enjoy them, i remeber everything, i go to bed with NO regrets, i go to bed knowing i'm now a GREATmummy.

Just a question... Do you/have you suffered from post natal depression? I found that this had a lot to do with my drinking.
How about making a plan.. Instead of picking your kids up and going home to drink... You take them to the park instead? take them to the river to feed those ducks? When you get home.. get the paints out and get messy.. Enjoy your children and for goodness sake, don't drink while they are in your care cause you'd never forgive yourself if something happened.
You CAN do this, hell if i did it, ANYONE can. You just need to really want this.

[joebloggs]

My Confession

Oh My God

Hi Lil,

Thank you so much for taking the time to share with me. Your email has hit me hard. NEGLECT just keeps ringing in my head. What a disgrace. I don't want these precious times to be a blur. What am I doing.

Yes, I have post natal depression too. I guess the two are linked. I've never drunk like this before and it's been a slippery slope for the last four months once I stopped breast feeding.

You are right I need plans. I often do but end up bailing as the bottle is calling.
Does this sound strange, but I feel like I'll miss my little private rituals and the buzz. I guess with two little children I always felt like it was a peice for me, some time for me, something just for me. Very stupid I know but I think that's how and why I got this way.

Last night I only had two wines and two G & T's (little ones). It's a start and much better than two bottles plus. I've arranged a sitter tonight for 7:15 pm so I can go for a bike ride. I hope this will prevent me from drinking today or even if not until 8pm when I tend to be thinking about bedtime any way.

Again, thank you and you have given me much hope and a massive reality check.

lol
JB

[lil.michelle]

My Confession

Hi hunni,
You keep saying things like ' I'll miss my little private rituals and the buzz, I always felt like it was a peice for me, some time for me, something just for me'... All of that is your addiction talking. It's not true at all. Adiction plays with your mind, makes up excuses WHY you do what you do and why you want to keep doing it. That is one of the main reasons quiting AL is soo hard.

I remember ages ago having a conversation with my mother inlaw snd father inlaw. They were saying how they don't drink and i sat there and i honestly hand on heart couldn't imagine how ANYONE could go a day without drinking.. to me, it just couldn't be done. Thats how bad i got.

Give 30 days NO AL ashot, after 2 weeks you'll realise that you CAN live without it, you CAN have you time. The thoughts you are thinking about why you do it are the thoughts you MUST fight! It's going to be hard but wow, once you've got a few weeks under your belt, you'll be surprised how great you feel and how can you think straight.

[jellybabyboo]

My Confession

Hi JB. Your words could have come directly from my mouth. I am still pretty much a daily drinker who at one point was downing well over 2 bottles of wine per night. I am doing much better now, but still binge more often than I would like. I am a stay at home mom of a 3 year old. I used to have a very high profile career that had me traveling all over and speaking with interesting and intelligent people. I was lucky enough to be able to make the decision to stay at home to raise my daughter, and I thought I would really enjoy the downtime. Instead, it ended up making me nuts, not having adults to talk to all day and a husband working very long hours. I don't find it strange at all that you feel like you would be missing your ritual and used the drinking as something to define you as a grown up. I used to crack open a beer or have a mixed drink around 4 to loosen up and, just like you, float through the evening, I thought it made me a "happy" mom. From there, the wine would open while I was "cooking dinner". More wine with dinner, and then after the baby was in bed a very strong "night cap". I did all of this because I thought it was helping me to save the "adult" in me. Instead, I ended up being less involved in raising my daughter than I would have been had I kept my job and sent her to daycare. Every morning I would wake up feeling miserable, resentful, guilty and like the worst mom in the world. If I was hungover, we'd just sit in the house until it was time to begin the drinking ritual again. It was a year ago that I decided I had to cut back (I'd love to quit totally, but I can't face that decision right now) and have been doing much better. I find that if I make plans to take my daughter out of the house for as much of the day as possible I can hold off having that first drink. Try to fill your days with activity. I joined our local YMCA and head out there every day for a workout class that starts at 5:30pm. They have free childcare too! I know I am going to leave to workout at 5, and wont get home until around 7. Then with so much to do to get dinner ready and baby to bed, I don't have time to crack open the first drink until well after 8. I make myself go to bed by 10 so I've axed my drinking time substantially. Don't get me wrong, I still have my occasional binge nights, but forcing myself to get out there with my daughter has made a huge difference. I think you are on the right track with adding a bike ride late in the evening… pushing your drinking ritual to as late as possible.

Just wanted you to know that I know exactly how you feel and there is a way to climb out of it. Hang in there… it is a tough road and I'm still riding it!

JBB

[Guitarista]

My Confession

Hi Joe Bloggs,

Here is a link to some essential reading, and great information and strategies for staying off the booze. It's our Toolbox, so have a read.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Great post's Michelle.

Best wishes, G-bloke.

[scottish lass]

My Confession

Hi Joebloggs - so many have such similar stories, and it is such a relief to find out that we are not alone. My girls are 10 and 12, and I have such a similar tale, though I am still working! I think we can find great rationales for drinking no matter where we are or what we do. The great thing is that we are realising it, acknowledging it and then taking steps to change. I found these posts end of March, had a great April and am struggling so much in May - but I have new "friends" (whose faces I will never see, nor whose real identities I will know) who allow me to be honest, who pull me up when I am down, who have such sage advice and really care about us all.
I will succeed - to feel better about myself, to be a better mother and to be a great role model to my girls - hopefully before it is too late.
Welcome, and glad to have another person who does understand, to share with

[joebloggs]

My Confession

Thank you all for your posts. I think part of the problem/excuse is that having an ickle baby has meant a 4 - 5pm nap (for her not me!!) so we have had to be home from 3:30 ish and in my mind 3:30 till 7 when my hubby gets home just seems like such a long time. The tasks/duties I have to carry out in that time, feeding the kids, clearing up, bath time, bedtime seem so monotinous and I have them down to a tee. Drink has seemed the only way to make it fun. Hence the 2 bottle habbit.

As someone who did have a responsible challenging sales job and independence, motherhood and an addictive personality has bought me here.

I'm really fu**ed off that I'm one of those people who just can't do things in moderation. I have however been better over the last couple of nights. since joining this site I still can't get that NEGLECT post out of my mind which is good.
I'm preparing to tell my husband tomorrow night when he gets home. I worry though that as he comes from a family of drinkers he may think I am being a dramer queen (has been known!)

I know I don't just drink for pleasure or as a social activity, so it has to stop. My trouble is that with a young baby I can't really fill my time with other activities as she is still sleeping allot in the day and that restricts us to the house allot. I'm sure she will soon drop the late afternoon nap and then I can get out and about more.

Today went to a Toy Story party, had fun with the kids, came home at 3, played a few games with my son, got both off to bed and have only just opened a bottle, 7:30! If I go to bed at 9 surely I will only do a bottle. That's 50% less in just three days. Hope my starter kit arrives soon. I really want to do this.

lol xxx

[papmom3]

My Confession

Hi JB-I'm not a mom to human babies so on one level I can't really relate to you BUT I am a furmom to 5 gorgeous babies-3 dogs and 2 cats.

I can however totally relate to the "grown up" ritual of drinking. The minute I turned 18 I started drinking as soon as class was out for the day. That's what adults do right? They have a few cocktails after a hard days work. That ritual followed me through my whole life, through college, through many jobs, through grad school. I always felt so "adult" having my cocktails. Problem is it was never just one drink. So many times during my adult life I knew I was neglecting my kitties. Forgetting to feed them at night mostly because I would end up passing out. Then I got dogs. Walks became non existent-too hungover in the mornings to get out of bed in time, too drunk and passing out at night. Besides, walks cut into my drinking time. The forgetting to feed them continued. Not every night mind you. And I would play games with myself: Ok, you have to do the dishes, walk the dogs, feed the animals, vacumn, do one load of laundry THEN you can open your bottle of wine. Trouble was, I then didn't go to bed at a normal time. Because I was drinking later, I stayed up later, ate more crap later, had reflux later, woke up later, got to work later and later and later or not at all.
I have been sober just over a year. What do I do to fill my "me" time and to feel like an adult? I take a quilting class, I do dog agility, I do the house work, I do projects around the house, I go shopping, I read, I take care of my pets instead of neglecting them. You will be absolutely AMAZED at what you will find to do in the time you usually reserve to drink. You will wonder how in the world you had the time to drink!!! You say taking care of the kids is boring and you can do it in your sleep? Then shake it up! I bet they are bored too! If you get them to bed and you have 1 or 2 hours before you before dinner or your hubby comes home, then come on here and post post post, read read read. Go into chat. Pick up a book. Learn to knit or crochet or sew or paint or whatever. The world truly will be your oyster, the kids will truly love their new mom and as far as your hubby's family goes? Feck 'em. We always think people are judging us for NOT drinking. Did you ever think they might have been judging you anyway for drinking too much? Once you get over caring what other people think (and believe me, they really don't care if we drink or not), you will be surprised at how natural it is to just ask for cranberry and seltzer or a DC or tea or whatever. And you will be soooo surprised at how great the conversations are because it won't be all about you anymore. You won't be worrying if you are slurring your words, dropping things, spilling things, laughing too loud, walking to unsteady. There is such freedom in being sober it's unbelievable!
Do it for you and if you can't respect yourself enough yet, do it for your kids. You won't be sorry.
:l :h

[joebloggs]

My Confession

papmom3,

Thank you and you give me hope. I'm building on the mental strength to do this.

I worry that without a drink in me who or what will I be. I have such little self confidence, my drink has always been my courage. Jesus, I've been through enough, maybe if I don't drink I'll be o.k, and then my self confidence will actually grow. Now there's a thought!

I really can't believe how much this site is making me think. It's fantastic but also a bit dark. I guess dark is good because it's making me repel the booze.

lol x

[papmom3]

My Confession

JB-without the booze you will find so much self confidence and you will finally find you! All the booze does is keep you down. Just to recap what has happened to me in the past year in order to help you see what the possiblities are:

• Got past a big health scare
• Competed in my very first agility trials
• Dealt with some very bad crap at work calmly and as an adult, not a spoiled child
• Negotiated the sale of a camper-$400 off the asking price
• Interviewed for 2 jobs, got offered one and in salary negotiations
• Dealing with a lemon of a car and trying to figure out how to buy a different one without any extra money available but doing it sober and logicallyHave become a valued member on this site and have actually helped a few people. Some even say I'm an inspirationHave become a role model to my teenage nephews and neiceCan finally have a calm and productive conversation with my dad and sisterHave gotten into meditation and quiltingFinally like ME!!! Most of the time :H

Have faith-if I can do this after 30 plus years of abusing my body and AL you can do it. You'll never find out who you are if you keep hiding behind AL. And that is a fact.

:l