It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

[choice]

Hi everyone. I haven't been around nearly as much as I was in the first few months. I was glued to this site and found such relief in all the support I found here. I'll be 9 months AF on May 23. I turn 38 this month and I'm so relieved I don't drink anymore. When I came here I had no idea what I was doing to my health. I was just concerned with blackouts, violence, shame, guilt, hangovers, worrying what I said did, loosing my personality.... becoming "that girl" etc. All health related issues but I was oblivious. I'm not sure why I'm posting this today except that I felt like reaching out because I had an awkward weekend socially where people just didn't get why I don't drink. I'm not mad or upset.

Just kinda amazed that the peer pressure still exists and it probably always will. I know I won't be hanging out with these people again because I was pretty bored and didn't like being judged. Then I realized.... they didn't start in on me until they were about 3-4 drinks in.... they didn't appear drunk.... but the alcohol must of affected their judgment on how they were handling my not drinking. I feel really comfortable saying no now and don't worry about social events. My personality feels like it's coming back and I feel okay socially. So I had an awkward Friday night at least I could wake up and feel self respect. It's taken a while to feel okay... but it's worth it. So worth it.

[sunshinetoday]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

Nice post choice. I find that people who accept you no matter what, are the ones worth hanging around. I agree, the longer I am AF the more at ease I feel with saying NO thank you, and with myself.

[choice]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

Thanks sunshine. I think being sober can really be an eyeopener. Last Friday evening was a learning experience in a lot of ways. I was uncomfortable with these people in the first place. In my drinking days I would have probably drank more then I intended to try and "fit in" with them. Sober I could just see clearly that we just don't click. Ah well! Better luck next time making new friends. I just wonder when it will happen. I just saw your story and I had a similar move. I've moved to New Zealand to be with my fiance. I'm pretty far away from home so making new friends is a challenge, especially now that I tell people I don't drink. It's like they don't get it and feel sorry for me. I've heard "well once you get it under control you can have a few". My problem with AL is under control if I don't drink. I've been in last Friday's situation so many times before.... I would have been nervous that I was going to drink too much going into a situation then I would have resisted starting drinking, or painfully sip the first 2 drinks (when I wanted to gulp)... then I'd start to "fit in" and my drinking would speed up...I'd drink them under the table and carry on for hours longer even if it was by myself at home. The next day everyone would say that was so much fun! and I'd be in pain thinking "It was?" I don't even remember what happened. I think I'm writing about this more because I just really need to get how I was feeling all night off my chest. There was a part of me that felt deflated. I'm not sure why.

[Guitarista]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

Great stuff Choice.

You are on the right path. Stick with it. There is so much treasure around you, and ahead of you. :l

[Lavande]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

Good for you choice!

It's true, drinkers suddenly feel uncomfortable when YOU don't drink! What's up with that?? Maybe a bit of jealousy??

Stick to your guns, it is worth it!!!!!

Lav

[Doggygirl]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

Hi choice! I think what you described about Friday night is just part of the learning and growth process we have to go through as newly sober people. Finding new place where we DO fit in and feel comfortable involved experiments that sometimes don't work! I love how G-man put it - there is treasure all around us. We just have to keep looking for it.

Congratulations on your fABulous progress!!!!

DG

[spuddleduck]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

choice, i can so relate to your point about being uncomfortable with these people and drinking to fit in..... then taking it further than the people you were fitting in with. i love your attitude about this and you really have made the best choice. well done you!

[JudyBlueEyes]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

Thanks for posting this, Choice, as it's a good reminder that not everyone is going to be comfortable being around a sober person. The last time I made a real effort to be AF, it wasn't friends or acquaintenances who got on me, it was my own mother. I'd gone to a family event and she sneeringly told the whole group in a much too loud voice that I was her "newly straight" daughter and kept pushing drinks at me. It took me weeks to get over the feeling of shame and embarrassment that I felt that night. Cripes, it gives me the creeps just remembering it again now. Anyway, hang in there and know that you're doing the right thing for YOU.

[dancingon]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

You're doing great, Choice. I sometimes wonder if the people who are uncomfortable with you not drinking are a little concerned about their own deep down. Either that or the fact that you're sober makes them feel like you're a party pooper. Of course, there is a binge drinking culture in NZ, and it's hard for some to fathom having a good time without it.
This business of once you get it under control you can have a drink, may be partly to blame on the ads on TV at the moment, advising everyone to tell their mates to slow their drinking down. Most of the characters in the scenarios are probably long past the stage of being able to just slow it down and drink normally. A lot of people probably don't realise how it is.

I agree that it's hard to know who to hang out with.

[witchywoman]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

choice;1115398 wrote: Just kinda amazed that the peer pressure still exists and it probably always will. I know I won't be hanging out with these people again because I was pretty bored and didn't like being judged. Then I realized.... they didn't start in on me until they were about 3-4 drinks in.... they didn't appear drunk.... but the alcohol must of affected their judgment on how they were handling my not drinking. I feel really comfortable saying no now and don't worry about social events. My personality feels like it's coming back and I feel okay socially. So I had an awkward Friday night at least I could wake up and feel self respect. It's taken a while to feel okay... but it's worth it. So worth it.

you know what I think it is Choice, for two seconds they have put themselves in your shoes, ie sociallising sober, and realised they couldnt do it, so they are subconsiously angry at you because you are able to do something they couldnt, they think if they can "make" you drink, then there is nothing wrong with them.
I'm so pleased your doing so well

[mario]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

Well done choice, Same with me with social occasions but I still always have my escape plan if needs be.

[sunshinetoday]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

Choice, I was just reading back through some of your posts. So glad to have you here. Where are you living? NZ?

[choice]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

Thanks for the responces of support.

I was away from my computer for a while and got to log in today and read the responses to my post. I think there is a variety of reasons for my feelings that night and I think it is a mixture of what all of your response express. Mostly I think these ladies probably will just be at arms length with me because I don't feel like explaining myself anymore about why I don't drink. It wasn't very fun to be in the hot seat. It's funny, when I tell people I quit smoking no one give me the 3rd degree. I am just going to stick to my guns and hold out for people who could care less about weather I drink or not. I bet this will take a lot more social experimenting, so I'm sorta looking forward to seeing how things go the next time. I'd thought of that Witchy... I almost said it out loud.... I'm not sure if they could do what I'm doing... It's weird being the sober one and taking the heat I also felt like getting on a soap box too promoting sobriety... but really didn't know if that's the kinda person I want to be now either. It's kinda cool... I get to figure out who I want to be now. I live in Auckland Sunshinetoday. JudyBlue, it is so amazing to me who puts the pressure on. My stepmother did the same thing... My fiance is on the AF board and he gets the most hassle from his father of all people...

[sunshinetoday]

It's worth it!! I know a lot more about where I'm at.

I am proud of you no matter what. I think you will find that the best kind of people to be around are the supportive kind. I visited Auckland, beautiful city. We went to the sky tower for lunch, it was awesome. Especially when all the sudden you see someone flying by the window while you're eating!