Failure

[vintage girl]

I think it's important to make this statement. With one or two exceptions,I only really feel connected on this site to the people in The Nest. I can't seem to hook up with long termers, possible exceptions are Damo and Softy...(where are you guys?)

Is this really the welcoming place we all want it to be?

I see threads all the time from newbies, I can't answer them, someone always gets there first with a lecture.

We all tried and failed numerous times, We all stumbled. Maybe we should be humble enough to remember it.

[mario]

Failure

Dont really understand this post vintage can you explain more please.

[vintage girl]

Failure

Happy to, Mario. We are all quick to lecture, forget the hard times. A lot of my friends are struggling tonight, just trying to lend my support.

[mario]

Failure

Well I cant speak for anyone else, But I just share my journey and how I dealt with it, wouldn't call it lecturing. Try to be here as much as I can to lend support, the same with a lot of other people.

[rosyreal]

Failure

I definitely hear you. Post and wait. Nothing.

[Doggygirl]

Failure

I'm with Mario. I try to lend support as best I can. I have offered the brutal truth about the depth of my despair in active alcoholism, and the truth about my journey up to this point. Also like Mario, I can't speak for others. My perception of what I read is that there are a lot of people who put a lot of time and energy into this forum speaking the truth about overcoming alcoholism.

Speaking again for myself, I didn't always want to hear the truth when I first got here. In my heart, I wanted there to be an easy way to stop the consequences from happening. I didn't REALLY want to stop drinking. Especially since that's where I was coming from, I got angry with a lot that I read, which I now see as truth and good advice. FWIW - don't know if that's relevant or not.

Help is here if you want it. Sobriety isn't going to fall in anyone's lap. At least it didn't fall in mine. I had to reach out for help in ways that weren't always comfortable. I had to listen to the truth from people ahead of me on the path, and that isn't always comfortable. I have to bite my tongue sometimes until it practically bleeds, rather than knowingly say things that will be unproductive, and that isn't always comfortable.

I hope you find what you are looking for. I hope you will ask more directly, because I'm not sure at all what you really mean.

DG

[sunshinetoday]

Failure

Hiya VG,
I'm just throwing stuff out there. I guess there's always different way to see things. Maybe someone feels their advice is honest and helpful, while the next person that comes along perceives it as not helpful and hindering. Then the next person comes along and finds it inconsequential. I'm not really sure. We all have perceptions, and it is hard to perceive someone as they meant it on here in a written form. I do understand some of your points.
My own opinion is You're Awesome.
I think we all come here to better ourselves, and however we can do that on here is a plus. Whether it is revealing ourselves, lurking and finding our own truths in peoples shared pasts, or support from daily interactions. what works for some will not for others. Kindness and care should always be a given here, and I think almost always is at the heart of each person here.
I'm babbling. Take Care Friend.

[spuddleduck]

Failure

hi vintage and rosy. its a shame you feel that way. when i first came here i was overwhelmed that anyone responded to my post and that i wasnt alone. i found it very welcoming. i know that sometimes you can post and not get a response. i suppose sometimes posts can be missed here. if thats the case its always worth posting again, perhaps being more specific about what you are needing..... even if its just an ear to bend when struggling. as for connecting, for me i tend to hop about the boards and sometimes i get interested in a certain thread and follow it which in a way is connecting. i for one appreciate every single person here for the help and support and hope i can also offer a bit back.

[Wagoneer]

Failure

I wasn't sure about that initial post either - did not fully understand it. You are mad that people post and you don't get to anwer first? Huh??People don't lecture here, although I am sure that I have once or twice by accident but people share their stories to help others - newbies, oldies, whoever. People on here actually have lives - work, kids, all kinds of stuff. We don't sit here with bated breath waiting to answer everyone's posts.

And to the poster that said that she "got nothing" from her post: Posts get missed, it happens. It's nothing personal. If you want to get involved and get interaction, well, INTERACT YOURSELF. Don't whine about nobody answering your posts, just start offering your feedback adn insights - it helps others, gets yourself involved and you get to know these great people. This does not pertain to you, but over the years I have seen people post, not get an immediate response, start boozing again and posting, blaming it on "nobody cares so I drank again". Sorry, but that is bullshit. It is up to us not to drink and to find our way. Not trying to be snarky, but come on now. We are all struggling, some more than others and there is no rule here that people have to respond to anything they don't feel moved to respond to. I hope you give us another try. We are not bad people, just busy with life sometimes and trying to find our way out.

[RedJib]

Failure

After we make that decision to quit, and then after we get through the first several weeks of withdrawal (not just the physical symptoms, but all the little mental games that our psyches throw at us, even when we think we're doing great...), there comes a point when we begin to really understand that term "magical thinking." It's sometimes talked about in AA and other self-help and mutual aid groups, but until we're looking back at magical thinking from a bit of distance, it's hard to understand what that term really means.

Once we do begin to get it, though, it becomes harder to fool ourselves, and harder to go along with someone else who's trying to do it to themselves, too. That's not lecturing, it's not judgemental behaviour, it's just understanding, expressed (hopefully) with tact and concern for others. But pretending that someone's words/choices are congruent with their stated goals, when all the evidence is to the contrary, well..... that's not really helpful to anyone.

What I've seen on this site is consistent care and concern for others as they start out, even when the newbie is very ambivalent about making a change. It's so very encouraging, even if you're just reading and not posting about your own experience. And even when a 'long termer' tries to 'call' it after a member has written something that sure sounds like a recipe/plan for failure, most people who respond do so with respect and caution. If anything, people sometimes seem too gentle, too reluctant to point out the magic of others' thinking.

Anyways, I just want to say that I don't see much evidence of disrespect or lack of caring; just the opposite, actually. There are a fine bunch of folks here, who've made a huge difference in my life. I couldn't be more appreciative.

[vintage girl]

Failure

I honestly think that I have had a valid and honest reponse to my post from a lot of people, and that's great.

The truth is it is not easy. It's really hard. And I just feel that when someone, anyone posts that first cry for help we should be all over it. Instead I get the impresssion that this is some kind of 'Glee' club, and if you don't get with the programme immediately, you are a lost cause. And the 'in' threads are really hard to get into when you are so low on self esteem.

I stopped drinking on Feb 1st this year, yet I can only post in two threads and feel comfortable about it?

I seriously though about abandoning this place, but I don't want to. But I also don't want to keep feeling like an outsider, and having new members feel that way.

[Guitarista]

Failure

High Vintage girl,

Here's a lecture for you.....'Don't feel that way!'

Most folk's are very welcoming here i find, but can i suggest a couple of threads that i find will tolerate and welcome with open arms a character like me?

The 'Underoos and friends' thread, in general discussion, you'd be welcome on, though time frame difference probably, but what about the 'AF Daily' thread in monthly abstinence. A great thread, and very welcoming. Also would you consider 'moving through May', or 'May movers' thread in monthly abstinence section? The 'Army thread' in general discussion is very welcoming and supportive too.

I've posted on these very different threads regularly and quite often, and have found them supportive, welcoming, and open to new folk alway's.

But maybe i should post a little more in 'just starting out' and 'Newbie's nest' more often too.

Great stuff on your AF time, and keep it going! Do you get into much addiction related reading material, or inspiring books/movie's? Google 'Spiritual river'. It's a good site to check out too, for addiction related info, strategies, and inspiration.

Best wishes, and i'm interested to know how you go.

Greg.

[rene1]

Failure

If What I have read here is lecturing...please, keep it up. Sometimes the brutal honesty of being "impeccably accountable" for my own actions is exactly what I need to read or hear. I am new to this forum too... However,I am not new to recovery but I have slipped in the past. I don't ever want to go back to the false idea that I can be a "normal" or "social Drinker". It won't happened (i mean being a normal drinker). I've proven that to myself. For you "old timers" that were a little uncomfortable with the original post... please know that some of "newbies" truly appreciate your insight and your combined years of sobriety....
thanks for letting me say my peice.
rene1

[vintage girl]

Failure

Guitarista;1118079 wrote: High Vintage girl,

Here's a lecture for you.....'Don't feel that way!'

Most folk's are very welcoming here i find, but can i suggest a couple of threads that i find will tolerate and welcome with open arms a character like me?

The 'Underoos and friends' thread, in general discussion, you'd be welcome on, though time frame difference probably, but what about the 'AF Daily' thread in monthly abstinence. A great thread, and very welcoming. Also would you consider 'moving through May', or 'May movers' thread in monthly abstinence section? The 'Army thread' in general discussion is very welcoming and supportive too.

I've posted on these very different threads regularly and quite often, and have found them supportive, welcoming, and open to new folk alway's.

But maybe i should post a little more in 'just starting out' and 'Newbie's nest' more often too.

Great stuff on your AF time, and keep it going! Do you get into much addiction related reading material, or inspiring books/movie's? Google 'Spiritual river'. It's a good site to check out too, for addiction related info, strategies, and inspiration.

Best wishes, and i'm interested to know how you go.

Greg.

Hi Greg. The threads you mentioned? I have posted, got no response. Or very little. Maybe given the respect and love that you so obviously command, along with a few other long termers, you can think of ways of making this place more inclusive?

[Guitarista]

Failure

vintage girl;1118095 wrote: Hi Greg. The threads you mentioned? I have posted, got no response. Or very little. Maybe given the respect and love that you so obviously command, along with a few other long termers, you can think of ways of making this place more inclusive?

How's this? :h:h:h

I often feel as though i'm talking to myself half the time on these thread's, but all i can do is presume that folks are busy surfing the net on other sites, popping back in an hour or 2, or day or 2 later, or off dealing with household/family issues, who know's? So i just have to be patient, and persistent. It can be frustrating not getting a response, but i can never take that personally, and i don't. There are far too many variables, non?