New to posting here, but have been lurking on and off for maybe a year. You all have given me hope that it can be done.
i posted this in the meds thread, but then thought it might be better in the Just starting out threads? Not sure, so will post in both. Hope that is OK.
Here?s my story ? I?ll try to keep it brief. I am in my 40?s, have 4 kids and am married. I started drinking in high school. Went to college, met a great guy, married him. (Also a drinker, which didn?t help me much when I was looking to cut back) (Now, while he still drinks, it is not as much as me and isn?t negatively impacting his daily life) It has been so long ago, I don?t remember the frequency of drinking then, but I know it was every weekend. Not sure about during the week. Thank goodness I went to college in a city with public transportation or I probably won?t be alive today. Anyway? I have continued to drink. Not sure when it became daily, but it has been at least the last 5-6 yrs that it has been more likely that I drink daily, than not. It wasn?t so hard to not drink when I was pregnant, but when I wasn?t preggers? Really hard. I could go 3-5 days max and then once the weekend hit? back to drinking again.
I haven?t hit bottom yet, or the thought of giving up would come easier to me, I think. I don?t know. Maybe I?m in denial. I don?t want to stop ? the thought of never being able to have a drink out on the porch with my DH is not something I want to even think about. I just want to be able to better control myself when I do have a drink. I?m not getting drunk everyday, but I do go to bed buzzed about half of the time. I don?t start until 6 pm and am usually in bed with the kids at 9pm (except on the weekends). I can easily, and usually do, have 4 drinks in that time period. I would say 1-3 days a week I wake up and feel like crud. Not down and out crappy, but foggy. If it weren?t for the calories in alcohol, I might not even be posting right now. I have put on 10 lbs a year, for the last 15 yrs, all in part to alcohol. You know the drill, feel like crap in the morning and craving hi calorie/hi fat foods. Then once the day is blown, why try to make good food choices?
I went to Weight Watchers last year and lost 40 lbs and was feeling really good about myself. I didn?t stop drinking, but cut back considerably. Everyday was a challenge. Then we went on vacation, without the kids, and alcohol was free flowing. It was so hard to get back to moderation ? I just couldn?t do it. I?ve put back on 35 of the 40 lbs I?d lost I started back to WW this week. ( I am 2 days AF and counting) I know that I have to cut back considerably on the A for this to work and lose weight. I have 150 lbs to lose ? that will take at least 1 ? yrs ? probably 2 yrs. And to keep it off? I have to figure out a long term solution to the drinking.
I made an appointment last spring with a psychologist ? I thought she was a psychiatrist and could prescribe meds. It took everything I had to call and make the appointment and then everything else to actually get there. I spilled my guts to her, told her I was struggling with Alcohol etc. Told her I wasn?t interested in stopping yet, just wanted better control. She wasn?t really listening. She suggested AA and that yes there were some meds out there to help and that I should talk to my Dr about that. Or she would make the call for me to my Dr. But I would still have to see my general Dr. I was so mad at myself for not researching her more. I wanted one stop shopping. I didn?t want to go to 2 different Dr?s. I never went back to her and never talked to my general about it. I was embarrassed. And still am. I know that I shouldn?t be, but I am?.
I have an appointment with my general Dr tomorrow for a blood pressure check and get a script renewal for the BP meds. Part of me wants to ask her about baclafin (sp) but I part of me doesn?t?. it is so hard to admit you need help? I am a very emotional person - I cry at the drop of a hat. I know that I will be in tears in the Dr?s office if I start talking about, which is another thing that is embarrassing for me. Then what if she doesn?t know anything about it? I?ve looked through posts here to try and find info that I can bring with me that talks about the drug, what it has done for people etc, but then what about the dosing? Specific info on that is hard to find here. Trying to decide if I should just call Dr. Levin like some people here have done, Then it would on the phone and I?d be less likely to cry, and he already knows the ins and outs? or find a shrink that specializes in addiction?
I didn't do a good job of keeping it brief - sorry! If you have gotten down this far, thanks !
Any suggestions and thoughts are welcome.
i posted this in the meds thread, but then thought it might be better in the Just starting out threads? Not sure, so will post in both. Hope that is OK.
Here?s my story ? I?ll try to keep it brief. I am in my 40?s, have 4 kids and am married. I started drinking in high school. Went to college, met a great guy, married him. (Also a drinker, which didn?t help me much when I was looking to cut back) (Now, while he still drinks, it is not as much as me and isn?t negatively impacting his daily life) It has been so long ago, I don?t remember the frequency of drinking then, but I know it was every weekend. Not sure about during the week. Thank goodness I went to college in a city with public transportation or I probably won?t be alive today. Anyway? I have continued to drink. Not sure when it became daily, but it has been at least the last 5-6 yrs that it has been more likely that I drink daily, than not. It wasn?t so hard to not drink when I was pregnant, but when I wasn?t preggers? Really hard. I could go 3-5 days max and then once the weekend hit? back to drinking again.
I haven?t hit bottom yet, or the thought of giving up would come easier to me, I think. I don?t know. Maybe I?m in denial. I don?t want to stop ? the thought of never being able to have a drink out on the porch with my DH is not something I want to even think about. I just want to be able to better control myself when I do have a drink. I?m not getting drunk everyday, but I do go to bed buzzed about half of the time. I don?t start until 6 pm and am usually in bed with the kids at 9pm (except on the weekends). I can easily, and usually do, have 4 drinks in that time period. I would say 1-3 days a week I wake up and feel like crud. Not down and out crappy, but foggy. If it weren?t for the calories in alcohol, I might not even be posting right now. I have put on 10 lbs a year, for the last 15 yrs, all in part to alcohol. You know the drill, feel like crap in the morning and craving hi calorie/hi fat foods. Then once the day is blown, why try to make good food choices?
I went to Weight Watchers last year and lost 40 lbs and was feeling really good about myself. I didn?t stop drinking, but cut back considerably. Everyday was a challenge. Then we went on vacation, without the kids, and alcohol was free flowing. It was so hard to get back to moderation ? I just couldn?t do it. I?ve put back on 35 of the 40 lbs I?d lost I started back to WW this week. ( I am 2 days AF and counting) I know that I have to cut back considerably on the A for this to work and lose weight. I have 150 lbs to lose ? that will take at least 1 ? yrs ? probably 2 yrs. And to keep it off? I have to figure out a long term solution to the drinking.
I made an appointment last spring with a psychologist ? I thought she was a psychiatrist and could prescribe meds. It took everything I had to call and make the appointment and then everything else to actually get there. I spilled my guts to her, told her I was struggling with Alcohol etc. Told her I wasn?t interested in stopping yet, just wanted better control. She wasn?t really listening. She suggested AA and that yes there were some meds out there to help and that I should talk to my Dr about that. Or she would make the call for me to my Dr. But I would still have to see my general Dr. I was so mad at myself for not researching her more. I wanted one stop shopping. I didn?t want to go to 2 different Dr?s. I never went back to her and never talked to my general about it. I was embarrassed. And still am. I know that I shouldn?t be, but I am?.
I have an appointment with my general Dr tomorrow for a blood pressure check and get a script renewal for the BP meds. Part of me wants to ask her about baclafin (sp) but I part of me doesn?t?. it is so hard to admit you need help? I am a very emotional person - I cry at the drop of a hat. I know that I will be in tears in the Dr?s office if I start talking about, which is another thing that is embarrassing for me. Then what if she doesn?t know anything about it? I?ve looked through posts here to try and find info that I can bring with me that talks about the drug, what it has done for people etc, but then what about the dosing? Specific info on that is hard to find here. Trying to decide if I should just call Dr. Levin like some people here have done, Then it would on the phone and I?d be less likely to cry, and he already knows the ins and outs? or find a shrink that specializes in addiction?
I didn't do a good job of keeping it brief - sorry! If you have gotten down this far, thanks !
Any suggestions and thoughts are welcome.
Comment