5 months AF struggling

[damo180]

Is this normal ?

For no particular reason, I have been feeling a bit crap for the last wk or two, and tempted to drink again !!!

Have been so positive since Jan 3rd when I quit, but have been finding it really tough recently. Cant explain it ?
Yesterday was really tough as the weather was so nice as I watched so many people coming out of supermarkets and off licences with trays of beer. I was very envious :upset:
Went out with my wife for a meal and couldnt help feeling that a few beers would have improved the night.

I will fight this, just hope the mood lifts and It is just one of those things when quitting that I will have ups and downs.
Dont get me wrong, I have no regrets about quitting.

Thanks for listening.

Damo
x

[Nelz]

5 months AF struggling

WOW Damo, 5 months is something to be VERY proud of, it keeps people like me believing that its possible. I know exactly what you are talking about, watching people and being envious, but I just tell myself, I dont drink.

I try not to "punish" myself with the thought, just say it in my head, and try to think about something.........ANYTHING but AL.

I think of how excited I was to get to 7 days, then 30 now Im looking to string a few months together. And id hate to start ALLLLLLL over.

Stay strong buddy, just remember that voice you hear should look a little something like a really small image of beelzabub on your shoulder......tell him to take a flying leap.......LOL

[mario]

5 months AF struggling

Damo I was thinking of you today and wondering how you were doing and here you pop up,Well done on your 5 months that is brilliant and you have to be seeing the benefits of living alcohol free. But anyway
There are many points along the way from when you first experience a 'trigger' that gives you a craving, to when you end up drinking. The initial trigger may be anything - from a club or bar where you always drink, to seeing a friend who you know is always up for a good time. Maybe you've just had an argument with someone close to you, or you're bored, lonely, or whatever it is that usually gets you started on the road towards your favourite drink.

Once you have experienced that, you will probably have a few 'automatic thoughts' about it. These are habitual ways of thinking, many of which you may not be aware of, yet which have an immense power over your actions. A crucial part of beating alcoholism is being able to recognise what your automatic thoughts are. Some examples might be - "I can't cope with this relationship", or "I've got no real friends, I'm useless", or "I can't deal with this anger". Thoughts like this tend to push you in the direction of having a drink. Recognising your own automatic thoughts will take some practice.These automatic thoughts will produce feelings. Many of the feelings that people drink because of are negative, but not all of them.

As a result of these feelings, you will usually experience a craving, of varying strength, some only brief, some lasting all day. Cravings are a sense of needing to escape from an uncomfortable feeling, or enhance a positive one, by drinking something alcoholic.

From this craving, you will probably be in a state of indecision.
Part of you wants to cut down or stop completely, another part is desperate to just forget about all that and get drinking.

Now you will start to come up with 'permission thoughts'. These are similar to the 'automatic thoughts' that we just mentioned, except that with these, you tend to find an excuse to make it OK to drink. They can come in all shapes and sizes, from the basic "just this time", to "no-one will know if I go and have one somewhere else", or "I've been under such stress lately, I deserve it", or "I can't stand this craving any more, I'll go crazy if I don't have some soon".

Once you've had that 'permission thought', it's incredibly difficult to stop yourself from actually drinking. But it's not impossible. There are things you do in order to get your drink of choice, and even those actions can be diverted into something else. But this really is the last resort, ideally you need to prevent the relapse much earlier on.

This will undoubtedly sound incredibly complicated first time around. That's because addiction is a very complicated process - we are all very complicated people. But it will get easier as you work through it.So keep on doing what you have doing here damo,posting,getting involved & sharing your story,we have all/are gone through this and it is part of the process,dont quit quiting damo, it aint worth it to go back.



Ps A lot of us Army people are meeting in Dublin tomorrow, 14.30/15.00 at st stephens green main entrance,be great if you could make it.

[hippie37]

5 months AF struggling

Damo at 2 1/2 years I can still get triggered by seeing people sat outside pubs in beer gardens enjoying the lazy sunshine and a cold pint of cider. I just think my brain has undergone some rewiring though so that the trigger doesn't end up with me actually acting on the desire. It's only natural I think at various stages of sobriety to question your sobriety and what it means to you. Sometimes that maybe evaluating whether you can drink safely in social situations again or maybe that means becoming extremely angry with the fact you can't drink like non-alcoholics etc. etc. We'll all go through these stages and I've been in one of those moments myself recently where I've been questioning my own spiritual beliefs. It's good that you're in the place you're in right now because it means you're alive and questioning things rather than being dead with your cup already overflowing with no room for any growth. When you think you have all the answers that's when you start procrastinating and getting complacent and that IS dangerous. So see this whole questioning business as part of your recovery and growth. It may feel difficult, and it will the more you perceive it to be a negative consequence of your sobriety. Just don't let the thoughts take over you that there is something 'wrong'. There isn't! This is growth. This is a natural part of growing up and dealing with life without the drink.

Many Blessings
Phil

[spuddleduck]

5 months AF struggling

damo, youre doing fantastic. stay strong and dont give in to temptation. mario that was a perfect description of cravings and how they work through, thanks.

[Lavande]

5 months AF struggling

Damo,
I was just at a house warming party for a new neighbor.
I saw a keg of beer & walked right past it with not a thought. But later I saw a bottle of wine which caused me a brief 'I wish I could thought' but it passed quickly. Why would I go there at this point? It's just not worth it - really

[damo180]

5 months AF struggling

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice.
I really needed it tonight.
I relate to everything you all say and will take all your support on board.
Molly, thats exactly how it is, the adrenaline of AF is going, and yes, my physical improvements are here now, and they are amazing, but I suppose I am just taking it for granted now, which I shouldnt.
Mario, you ARE the man for spotting how I am feeling, and your advice as always is spot on.
Really would have liked to have met up with you all tomorrow, but I am in Cork preparing for the marathon on Monday , thanks to my extra fitness since I quit the booze.
Hippy, Levande and everyone else, you are ALWAYS here for support, I am very grateful.
I go to bed now with a better understanding and plenty more ammo to beating this.
I am not going back to Day 1. I am staying AF.

Hope you are all well.

Damo in Cork
xxx

[damo180]

5 months AF struggling

Good morning all,
I wake up this morning 155 days sober !!!

Feeling a whole lot better and grateful for "My Way out" and its members.
I think I took my foot of the pedal in recent weeks and took sobriety for granted.

Having issues with my fathers chronic alcoholism has been tough also but in a strange way it gives me strength to stick with my sober life.

My next goal is 6 months, then 9, and then, hopefully I will get to the "1 YEAR AF".....and keep going....

Thank you again my friends....

Damo in Cork

xxx

[spuddleduck]

5 months AF struggling

damo, good to hear youre feeling b etter today. and WOW to you doing a marathon. now you couldnt do that throught the bottom of a bottle could you.

[mario]

5 months AF struggling

Well done damo on the marathon running, wouldn't be able for that myself,good luck and keep on running.

[hillsidetime]

5 months AF struggling

Damo, you should be proud of yourself for working through these hard days. You are an inspiration to others Damo, you have been so strong and so positive, working through this battle.

I think we all face roadblocks at different times. I do remember at around 6 months, my new habits and patterns of behaviour started to feel "normal". Hang in there. I was mowing the lawn yesterday, thinking, I am thirsty. I did not crave a beer, like I did last summer. I used to have a beer on the go, all the time, while working outside. Now I don't. In addition, I don't want a beer. I don't want my old life back, and with beer comes my old life. I am getting my confidence and some self efficacy back, after beeing at rock bottom. I want this for you, and I know you don't want your old life back either. Hold fast Damo, you can do it.


Hill

[Jolie]

5 months AF struggling

Damo,

You and I started this journey the same day - everyone else beat me to it but there are a lot of good explanations here as to why these cravings are hitting now! I know for myself, the warm weather and everyone being out and more socializing has definitely been a struggle . Like someone else said, the adrenaline rush may be wearing off - I'm constantly looking for things to keep me occupied. Hang in there!

[damo180]

5 months AF struggling

Just back from Cork, after running my 2nd marathon inn 3 weeks.....really tough but got through it in 3hrs 57 mins......am going to celebrate tonight with chipper "Fish and chips", and..............a nice cold can of............Rock Shandy (thats orange and lemon mixed.....mmmmm )......
Lets keep going Jolie, feeling good today, if a little tired.
Thanks Spuddleduck,

Hillside, I have always found your messages very inspiring and supporting, I remember a while ago reading your story about being away for the weekend with your son I think , at a hockey comp and you being in a good place, and thinking "this is where I want to be".....well I am getting there, I am NOT going back to my old life. It can be difficult sometimes, but with the support here, its very doable, so thank you.


Mario and Molly, hope you enjoyed the meet up yesterday, thanks again for the effort you put in to helping me.


Hope all our well.

Damo (back in Dublin)

[lil.michelle]

5 months AF struggling

Hi!
I REALLY struggled at 5 months and posted a simlar post. Lots of people told me they two found it hard again at 5 months BUT it does pass. I'm now on 8 or 9 (donno, I finally stopped counting after I was getting confused) and I'm still feeling great! I get the odd days where the weather is great and I think ' it would be perfect to sit here with a glass of wine' but no, it wouldn't be as the guilt, hate, self loathing would happen after and let's face it... It all that worth it for a drink... HELL no!
Stay strong! Ride it out! The beast never goes, it hides in your shadow for any moment of weakness! Remember that!

[choice]

5 months AF struggling

Hi Damo,
I had a similar feeling at 5 months, and it does pass. My partner is hitting that point right now. He is 5 months 7 days and was talking with me about how he was struggling... not with wanting a drink but just not feeling like "himself". Like you he doesn't regret quitting. He is new to running, and it's the only time he can feel good about what he is doing right now. Everything else... work, relationships, etc.. he just feels awkward, unsure, not confident. I couldn't understand where he was coming from. He looks so healthy and his personality is shining.. in my mind he is thriving. But then I remembered I'm only a few months a head of him AF. I sometimes forget how each month is a milestone. At about 4 months I'd come on MWO and was feeling how you described.... It was then that I learned about PAWS. Just reading about it helped me enough to have faith to stay sober. I'm so glad I did and I'm really thankful I could tell my partner about that phase so he could stay on track too. I'm glad you wrote about where your at because I really do think posting here about how we are doing really keeps one on track. I'm not sure why it helps so much but it does.
Take care,
Choice