Hitting the Wall at day 4

[Hypernova]

I have worked my whole life. Been drinking most of my 'career' but was also big into exercise. I drank to fit in and to be sociable. Somewhere along time ago I realized I drank because I liked to drink. Physically my body cannot operate efficiently with the amount of alcohol I end up using anymore but I still am willing to suffer the consequences. Now I am four days AF and not that I haven't had my AF stints over the years. I quit a month here and there and sometimes longer. Now I find myself depressed I would suppose. The state of the world and people in general give me little hope. So right now I sit here wondering to myself why not drink? I know it changes nothing but my perception of reality. I desire to change but the point is? I don't like my life and yet I have many things to be thankful for. My health has hit a rough patch last couple years or so. I drink to manage emotional and physical pain. I need a reason and don't know where to find it. Not an excuse not to drink but a reason to want to be sober. I really don't know what to do. Resist the temptation of AL seems logical. At least until my mind settles and find a reason. I just don't know what the point is?

[Hypernova]

Hitting the Wall at day 4

Didn't expect to answer my own vent/post. I quickly realized that the point is I am a fighter and don't give up. Depression gets me in my early days AF and since I can't drink it away I have to sit it out. My reason to be sober is clear, to build a better life for myself and others.
Plain and simple. I hope I don't seem insane by answering my own question(s). It feels like walking down the street talking to yourself. Oh well what the heck a little insanity may be beneficial in this crazy world.

[Barbara1234]

Hitting the Wall at day 4

Hi Hyper,

Don't feel bad if no one answers you, it's kind of late and many people have already retired for the evening. I am in the US, so it's only 9 pm. here.
I am new here. I am 19 days AF for the first time in my life. Looks like you joined the site a while ago.
The first thing that I noticed in my early AF days was that the depression lifted quite a bit. I never realized how much AL contributed to it.
Looks like you already have a reason to stop drinking.
The state of the world right now is very frightening for many people. We all have to figure out how to survive in this economy, and to boot, we are trying to quit drinking. That's not an easy task. It's easier for me to drink, but I just got tired of the merry-go-round. I actually feel quite a bit better than I have in a long time. The first few days were really hard for me, and now at day 19, I am totally exhausted. Everyone says its because I'm detoxing and I need supplements. So, off to the health food store again in the morning.
I hope the depression lifts for you in the next few days. I realize that the amount of poison I have put into my system over the years will take a while to get rid of, but it's worth it for me. I hope you feel a little bit better today.