Scared, depressed, had enough, and help

[Juja]

Scared, depressed, had enough, and help

Well, I made it two days AF. I don't feel proud of myself, or particularly happy, however. I've done 2-3 days many times. Day 4 is when the cravings get bad, and that will be here soon.

We went to dinner with my mother-in-law last night, the alcohol pusher in my life, and she accepted my "no thanks" to a drink beforehand. I told her I was trying to lose weight, as well as, quit drinking. My husband wasn't drinking due to meds he's taking, so I think that's why she didn't push it. HIS was a different, and more pressing concern to her, so she backed off.

We went to an Italian restaurant, and I was sad as I watched the waitress turn bottles of wine in the wine rack looking for a certain bottle. I wanted to be able to drink, and drink like a normal person, but knew I couldn't.

What helped my resolve was knowing I had posted here. I didn't want to let anyone down, which I know wouldn't happen--your support and kindness are unconditional--but that's how I felt. I couldn't bear to come back and tell you I failed. I know I need to stop for me, not you, but right now I'm going with whatever it takes.

So, Day 3 ahead. My plan is not to get manic and do too many things, which often leads me to the wine. I drink to stop the OCD, which makes me do and Do and DO, until I can't stand it, and thne I drink so I can stop the endless activity. I'm going to re-pot some flowers, weed my herb bed, and rest. I feel so tired, and it's only 8 a.m. here on the East Coast.

Hang with me, please.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Scared, depressed, had enough, and help

WELCOME JUJA!

Great post and great start to your AF journey! We have all been there and know exactly how you are feeling. In your opening post for this thread you stated that your post had no feeling...well, I was moved for sure. I think it had lots of feeling and said just the way many of us feel when just starting out. I hope you find this "last resort" to be the first step in a wonderful new way of living. It gets easier (I know, I know, we've all said it, but REALLY, it does. Wait and see, it is all part of the new adventure of living life full of hope, happiness and possibilities that AL has drained from you all these years!)
Again, welcome and as Lav suggests, come on over to the Newbies Nest and join the gang and anywhere else you feel like jumping in. I have found that Senior Members , newbies and everyone else in between is always there to lend a helping hand. Best of luck to you!

[Juja]

Scared, depressed, had enough, and help

Thank you, BlondeAF, for the kind words regarding my first post. Keen eye for seeing through it.

Day 3 and the cravings are starting. I'm going outside to finish my weeding, and will have a NA beer. I hope that's acceptable....? I've been afraid to ask.

I'm depressed today. It's everything in my life, I guess, not just the AL. I need to get back to my therapist, I know. I'm okay, though.

I plan to start a new book tonight. Books are my saviors; they take me away. What a gift reading is.

[daisy45]

Scared, depressed, had enough, and help

Hello Juja and good luck. Being outside in the elements can help lift the spirits. Have you ever read The power of the Subconscious Mind by Dr Joseph Murphy. I found it a great help; maybe take a wee look.....just a thought...
Hope you're feeling better tomorrow:l:h

[Juja]

Scared, depressed, had enough, and help

I haven't read the book. I need to make a list of the book recommendations I get here. I know they'd be helpful.
Thank you.