I'm a happy Pingu, I have gone 3 months without a drink.
I'm a private person so I'm not comfortable sharing the whole story. But I used to drink, not crazy amounts, but every night and on a regular basis starting with vodkas at around 5pm then moving onto wine. I went to bed every night pretty drunk and woke up every morning with a headache. I drank as a coping strategy, so if I'd had a bad day I drank more. I was in a pretty shit place and had to do something about it. I felt utterly worthless and depressed and as if life wasn't worth living. I have 2 gorgeous kids. They were one of the reasons I went for help.
OFC my doctor, while prescribing me meds for the depression, also picked up on the drinking thing and advised I cut down. And that's what I resolved to do. Cut down. But I had tried "cutting down" in the past and it had lasted a day or two. Same with stopping. I went home that night and said I will not drink tonight. And my OH had poured me some wine and I said no (but man I wanted it so much!). Same the next night, one day at a time.
The first week was torture. There were times I was bashing the walls wanting a drink. Especially if things went wrong, that used to be my escape mechanism, drink a couple of large vodkas very quickly and it will all go away. And now I didn't have that any more. I hated the first week so much. And being around other people drinking was awful as well. I didn't tell many people because i felt embarassed. No-one really noticed, not even at home. No-one bar my best friend knew how much I had been drinking. I didn't have to hide the bottles, my OH was away a lot and I drank alone. He didn't notice if I was drunk or not. After I resolved to stop I poured the remains of the vodka down the sink. I bought non-AL alternatives and put them in a wine glass so it looked (and felt) like I was drinking wine.
It got a bit easier after that. I still have days where I think why not, one drink won't hurt. Last weekend we were at a party and I hated being the only one not drinking. I felt left out and unaccepted. But I enjoyed the feeling of waking up the next day knowing I hadn't drunk. I wrote myself a list of why I wasn't going to drink and I kept popping out to read it when the temptation to have a glass of wine got too much. It worked.
I am not sure what next. My plan was to have some time AF and then try and control my drinking. But I am not ready to even contemplate that yet. I like being AF, I like the nice things like less headaches, better sleep, not being rude to people, being more awake during the day. I buy myself little treats as a reward for what I've achieved. Today I have ordered a purple carry bag for my flute, it's my 3 month treat.
I am also seeing a counsellor to try and get to the bottom of the things that cause me to drink in the first place. That is very hard as involves digging up all sorts of stuff from the past but I think in the long term it will be a very positive thing.
I have written far more than I planned to. I hope someone somewhere will read it and think yeah that's helped me a bit in some small way or another.
3 months AF and feeling so good. Thanks for reading
Corinnex
I'm a private person so I'm not comfortable sharing the whole story. But I used to drink, not crazy amounts, but every night and on a regular basis starting with vodkas at around 5pm then moving onto wine. I went to bed every night pretty drunk and woke up every morning with a headache. I drank as a coping strategy, so if I'd had a bad day I drank more. I was in a pretty shit place and had to do something about it. I felt utterly worthless and depressed and as if life wasn't worth living. I have 2 gorgeous kids. They were one of the reasons I went for help.
OFC my doctor, while prescribing me meds for the depression, also picked up on the drinking thing and advised I cut down. And that's what I resolved to do. Cut down. But I had tried "cutting down" in the past and it had lasted a day or two. Same with stopping. I went home that night and said I will not drink tonight. And my OH had poured me some wine and I said no (but man I wanted it so much!). Same the next night, one day at a time.
The first week was torture. There were times I was bashing the walls wanting a drink. Especially if things went wrong, that used to be my escape mechanism, drink a couple of large vodkas very quickly and it will all go away. And now I didn't have that any more. I hated the first week so much. And being around other people drinking was awful as well. I didn't tell many people because i felt embarassed. No-one really noticed, not even at home. No-one bar my best friend knew how much I had been drinking. I didn't have to hide the bottles, my OH was away a lot and I drank alone. He didn't notice if I was drunk or not. After I resolved to stop I poured the remains of the vodka down the sink. I bought non-AL alternatives and put them in a wine glass so it looked (and felt) like I was drinking wine.
It got a bit easier after that. I still have days where I think why not, one drink won't hurt. Last weekend we were at a party and I hated being the only one not drinking. I felt left out and unaccepted. But I enjoyed the feeling of waking up the next day knowing I hadn't drunk. I wrote myself a list of why I wasn't going to drink and I kept popping out to read it when the temptation to have a glass of wine got too much. It worked.
I am not sure what next. My plan was to have some time AF and then try and control my drinking. But I am not ready to even contemplate that yet. I like being AF, I like the nice things like less headaches, better sleep, not being rude to people, being more awake during the day. I buy myself little treats as a reward for what I've achieved. Today I have ordered a purple carry bag for my flute, it's my 3 month treat.
I am also seeing a counsellor to try and get to the bottom of the things that cause me to drink in the first place. That is very hard as involves digging up all sorts of stuff from the past but I think in the long term it will be a very positive thing.
I have written far more than I planned to. I hope someone somewhere will read it and think yeah that's helped me a bit in some small way or another.
3 months AF and feeling so good. Thanks for reading
Corinnex
Listen to your heart, ask yourself honestly if you are ready for just one drink......
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