YUP its been a long month.
i was AF for 6 weeks then my booze voice convinced me i was OK. I stopped taking my antabuse at about week 4. so the voice in my head said "OH go ahead you can moderate. You can just have 1 glass of wine once in awhile" "go ahead if you can do 6 weeks then you got it licked" hahahaah.. that voice is powerful. so i was silly and stupid and i listened.
I sat down one night a month ago and had "1" glass of wine. then 2 then the bottle .. then 4 weeks later i was still drinking every day. only this time it was worse. I think my booze brain was scared I would cut it off again and it wanted to fill up with as much AL as I could consume. I was waking up at 3am and drinking. sending the kids off to school and drinking, driving to the liqor store and buying twist off wine bottles so i could start drinking it in the car on the way home, I even went to my inlaws for for a visit and secretly poured their vodka in a waterbottle because i knew i had none at home.. I was drinking any time of the day or night. I am surprised i am still alive. So i guess what i did was binge for 1 month. it was awful. and exhauting.
Monday past i bought 1 litre of wine and finished it in my usual record time of 1.5 hours and that brought me past 9pm when the liquor store closed. i went to bed and woke up the next morning and took an antabuse. I was afraid i hadn't waited long enough but i didn't care. I would suffer the consequences... and with that pill came overwhelming relief. I joined AA and have been to 2 meetings. and i am seeing a counsellor... I am going to beat it this time...
however 1 positive thing happened. i had never stopped drinking for that long before so i had nothing to look back on. now I can look back on it and say "look what happened last time you told yourself you could moderate" I learned a valuable expensive lesson.
Caper
i was AF for 6 weeks then my booze voice convinced me i was OK. I stopped taking my antabuse at about week 4. so the voice in my head said "OH go ahead you can moderate. You can just have 1 glass of wine once in awhile" "go ahead if you can do 6 weeks then you got it licked" hahahaah.. that voice is powerful. so i was silly and stupid and i listened.
I sat down one night a month ago and had "1" glass of wine. then 2 then the bottle .. then 4 weeks later i was still drinking every day. only this time it was worse. I think my booze brain was scared I would cut it off again and it wanted to fill up with as much AL as I could consume. I was waking up at 3am and drinking. sending the kids off to school and drinking, driving to the liqor store and buying twist off wine bottles so i could start drinking it in the car on the way home, I even went to my inlaws for for a visit and secretly poured their vodka in a waterbottle because i knew i had none at home.. I was drinking any time of the day or night. I am surprised i am still alive. So i guess what i did was binge for 1 month. it was awful. and exhauting.
Monday past i bought 1 litre of wine and finished it in my usual record time of 1.5 hours and that brought me past 9pm when the liquor store closed. i went to bed and woke up the next morning and took an antabuse. I was afraid i hadn't waited long enough but i didn't care. I would suffer the consequences... and with that pill came overwhelming relief. I joined AA and have been to 2 meetings. and i am seeing a counsellor... I am going to beat it this time...
however 1 positive thing happened. i had never stopped drinking for that long before so i had nothing to look back on. now I can look back on it and say "look what happened last time you told yourself you could moderate" I learned a valuable expensive lesson.
Caper
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