All I Want Is 30 Days AF

[shueaddict]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

good morning, day 8, I cannot believe it

Hi all,
I made it through a whole week AF, great thanks to your support and candid posts.

Unlike a lot of you I am not energized at all, I feel sluggish and tired and a bit apprehensive. And oddly enough I do not feel like exercising at all (and I used to be gym fanatic). If last week I focused all my willpower in to not drinking, this week I shall try to get the endorphins high that a good work out gives you.

I need to break this cycle of bad behavior and it seems that quitting alcohol is only the beginning. Getting back into the healthy life plan will not be easy but I am determined to do it.

I guess this will be my week for introspection, for the first time in ages I have the house to myself for 1 week ? I am crazy busy in work and plan on looking after myself in the off time.
Keep it up, ladies.

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Good morning, Everyone! Shue, my energy level seems to be up and down. I planned activities to keep busy this weekend, but I also had a lot of sitting around time. I've made it to the gym exactly twice this week, including yesterday. So this week I'm also going to try and get back into a regular exercise program. And I'm having mood swings as well. I have some pretty bad stuff going on with my son and that is certainly a huge dark cloud over everything. But .... I'm not drinking over it! What a miracle! As some on another thread said, I can now have a clear head to deal with all of it. Hang in there - it sounds good to have some alone time; just take really good care of yourself! I hope everyone has a great, sober Monday!

[shueaddict]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

:ranger Hey Clover,

Will pray for the situation with your son to be resolved soon and well. I think it is God's way of testing our resolve sometimes. I just learnt that my mother in law fell and broke her hip - she lives in Ireland and will probably need to go there soon after she comes out of hospital.

Now more than ever losing one's head in AL fog is not recommended.

Anyhow - I do not recognize myself, my general mood overall - I am normally really upbeat, no matter what, now I honestly don't know how I feel. As always, my heart is optimistic but my brain seems stunned. I feel like someone has splapped me hard into seeing things very clearly but now I cannot decide whether to rejoice in the newfound clarity or be horribly depressed.

I probably need to take all those supplements and fix my brain .
Alcoholism, Part 2 ? Fixing the Brain — 1 By David Gersten, M.D. | Intelligent Alcohol Management


thank you all for listening to my ramblings.

[FlyAway]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hi ladies, mind if I join you? I just joined MWO yesterday. Today is Day 7 for me. WS, you said several pages back that you think you eventually get to a point where you say enough is enough and you quit. I think that's where I'm at. I was so ashamed of myself last week that I said never again. I never want to be ashamed of myself for something I did or said when I was drunk again.

While reading this thread I was thinking about all of the times in the past that I made excuses to drink after being AF for weeks or months. I was several months AF a few years ago when my mother was rushed to the hospital and had to have emergency surgery. I can remember coming home that night and pouring myself a glass and thinking I deserve this after today. The last time I broke a 6 month AF stretch was about a year ago. I had been having some health problems and had been referred to an oncologist. The doctors seriously suspected cancer. After all of the testing was done I was found to be cancer free. I can remember my husband and I leaving the doctor's office and going out to dinner and ordering wine to "celebrate." And so many other times. I'm on vacation, I'll just drink now and stop when I get home. It's the weekend, I'll just have a few tonight to unwind after this crazy week at work. Etc. All excuses.

WS, you mentioned the truth setting you free and your belief in Jesus. I'm not a Christian and not really a believer but was raised in a Christian household. You talking about the truth made me think that the voice telling you it's okay to drink, you deserve it, just this once, you're on vacation, etc., is really the voice of evil. It's a liar and it's trying to pull you away from the truth. We've got to learn to ignore the voice or even laugh at how absurd it is and tell ourself "I don't drink. Alcohol will ruin my life." Because that really is the truth.

[Juja]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Well, I'm back, with my tail between my legs. I wasn't going to post until I had a bit of success, but here I am with two tries and two failures, to get to 30 days. I made it 8 AF days in June, but an extremely stressful situation presented itself, and I caved. The need to get out of my head, and away from the stress, got to me.

I got pretty loaded this Friday night, was depressed yesterday, and knew I had to try again. I'm tired of the depression, remorse, guilt that ruin the next day, and I'm sick of looking at my fat, bloated self in the mirror. I don't want my husband to see me naked anymore. Not that it would be pleasant under the best of circumstances at age 58.

So, I started the MWO book last night, reviewed the plan I set in June, and am here again looking for support. I want to get some Glutimate (?) to help with the cravings, and will look for it tomorrow. I have such a difficult time driving by the AL store when the cravings start. (Someone please tell me what the name of the supplement is.)

I had posted before that 30 days seemed to difficult a goal. Now I must set that goal. So, here's to August 17th.

Hang in there with me, please.

[FlyAway]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

By the way, I have to go to an event tonight at a brewery of all places! It's a going away party for a dear friend of my husband and mine. I'm not worried in the least. I'm done drinking.

[Enough!]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

The amino acid is L- Glutamine. I have been swallowing 3 a day. When I had a huge craving a chewed one it was gross and craving gone! I think they have helped they are avail at any vitamin isle.

I have also increased my multi vitamins and took a half of Ativan if I start to panic.
Has worked so far for me. ... 9 days today.
Enough!

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hey Everyone!
I think everyone is doing amazing. Clover....I'm so proud of you! Clover and Shue....I also haven't been in the "best" frame of mind. We have to remember this is a process. I don't think the sober/happy fairy will wave a majic want and we will feel okay....but at least we feel better.

FlyAway - Please join us...we are happy you are here. Those little voices are definately evil with a capital E! It is a lie and we need to stop believing it. Yesterday I was talking to my neighbor and they are having drinking challenges as well and the little voice is telling me "go ahead and have a drink, it's a beautiful evening and your problem isn't as bad as hers". How freakin crazy is that????
JuJu - It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down what matters is if you keep laying there or if you get up. You have gotten up and will keep on going! We are here for you. I still haven't gotten 30 days in and I've tried about 4 times...and the funny thing is I know I can do it if I really want to.

Hope everyone has a great evening!

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Good Evening, Everyone! Well, I'm home from work and winding down on Day 10. My energy level is so low right now that I might just have to go lie down on the couch for a bit. It wasn't a bad day at all, for a Monday. I'm still dealing with son, will see the doc with him tomorrow. And I'm not especially depressed - just drained! I'm going to let my body decide in this case and just take it easy tonight. The wonderful thing is I do not feel even remotely like drinking! I may check back later, but I'm very glad to see everyone hanging in there!

[crazy cat lady]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hi FlyAway, welcome to the group. I know what you mean about reaching the point where you say "enough". I always made it a point to never drink and drive. If I were out with friends I would limit myself to one drink (and then drink a bottle of wine or two when I got home). Two weeks ago, at some point during a 4 day bender, I drove my car. I don't remember it at all (probably went to buy more wine). That was it for me, there I was hungover, sick and panicking about what had happened. I could have killed myself or someone else. I'm on day 12 being AF, the longest I've gone AF in years. I feel so much better, I'm still scared but the evil little voice in my brain has started to quiet down. I just have to remember that alcohol is not a reward for being good, I have to remind myself that giving myself permission to drink is giving permission to hurt myself and those I love. I want my life back, I spent years letting it be taken over by alcohol.

Stay strong, when you feel tempted or the cravings get rough come here and read the various threads. You'll realize that you're not alone in this fight. I found that keeping water or iced tea nearby at all times helped. When the cravings got really bad I treated myself to a hot fudge sundae.

[Juja]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS, Thanks for clarifying which supplement I needed. I'm getting some tomorrow. And, I know I/we need to keep getting up off the mat, and trying again, I just get so damned frustrated with myself when I give in. I want to get to where I never think about AL. I've been there before.

Today is weird. I feel so tired and heavy, plus a little anxious. The last two times I made it AF a few days I felt quiet and disconnected, which was rather nice. Oh, well, this too shall pass, I know.

We're into a heat wave here, so getting outside to be distracted is going to be tough. 101 degrees is defintiely not my favorite temperature. I walked for 30 minutes today, but will do it earlier tomorrow.

Have a good evening everyone.

[shueaddict]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Here comes day 9

Despite telling myself that i'll go to bed early and wake up late, i keep on doing the opposite. But this morning I feel better, tired, but better.

WS, thanks, i used to never take any pills but i might need some supplements this time. today i'll see my doctor, i'll see what the advice is. Last night i had a few spoons of homemade amarena cherry jam, my reward, the sweetnes made me throw up. I must remember to avoid simple sugars.

Clover, extra kudos for facing your big problems sober instead of temporarily escaping them in AL cloud. I keep my fingers crossed for you.

JJ, it is stifling here too, again, one of my triggers for drinking ice col sauv blanc. But i know it will just make me feel worse.

All righty, wish you all a great day.

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Good Morning Everyone! Day 11 is here. Wow .... I'm in the double digits! It just feels so amazingly good to wake up feeling fine every morning, even though I'm not really sleeping all that well. It's still better to feel a bit tired than having a full-blown hangover! Busy day today, and that's a good thing. It sounds like a lot of us are hanging in there - how great is that?! Let's all stay sober and enjoy this day!

[shueaddict]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Congratulations Clover, I am 2 days behind you. Eat well and often throughout the day, I found it helps with the headache.

[Juja]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

My mother was taken to the ER again last night, so I was in emergency mode again. BUT, I made it through the episode AF--no wine at midnight when I got home. Ta Da!
Also, she has a dr's appt today, plus I need to have a firm talk with the facility where she lives. I'm seeing things I don't like. Regardless of the stress and anger, I won't drink because "all I want is 30 days AF!"

Here's to day 3.

Have a great day all.