All I Want Is 30 Days AF

[SarahJane]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS- 30 days fantastic! I am hot on your heels 2 days later. You are doing so well and are an inspiration to me. Whenever I think about moderating I have to have a little chat with myself. I have been trying to do that for the last 5 years, making promises to myself that I couldn't keep. I was always saying 'I will have 2 glasses twice a week, and if I can't stick to that then I will stop.' But I didn't stop, until I came here. My biggest problem with mod is that it would be on my mind all the time, I would want a drink but be saying 'it's Tuesday, I can't drink until Thursday'. I would be back on the merry-go-round. A holiday is going to be a tough test. When you say 'sip wine & watch the sun set' - do you think you could do that? My 'sipping' turned into guzzling pretty fast. I also ask myself if I think my life is better with or without AL- there is only one answer for me.

Beautifulife- we have all done the same thing, many times & we are all here for you. I am the same if I give myself permission to drink on Saturday, by Thursday I start saying to myself things like 'might as well start now as I am stopping again on Sunday'. For me there is only 1 way to stop the little voices- and that is by not having any at all. Once I realized that once I had the first sip then I wouldn't stop.

Allybee- you sound like me! The Monday morning cycle. My first post here was called 'Groundhog day'- every Monday was the same- until I came here. The weekends are challenging but so rewarding to get through them AF. To get up on Sat & Sun morning feeling well & not giving yourself a hard time is priceless. Keep coming here all weekend- I used to come 3-4 times a day just to read. Newbies Nest is great as well for support.

Clover-I agree, this is a great thread. How are you doing? You sound strong.

TW- you are doing so well- the days will add up fast once you decide you just are not going to drink anymore.

Twinkle- the vision of ugly black bruises is also pretty sobering. We do need to remember our down times to remind ourselves why we are here & get strength from our AF lives now. And yes, my taxi services were appreciated! It is a good time to check in with teenagers. Now they know that I am not drinking & can smell everything!

Enough-sorry about the graphic details! We all have our low points but I quickly forget them & can easily convince myself that AL didn't case that many problems. But I need to be totally honest with myself as there was only one way it was going.

Hi to everyone else. QB hope your computer is fixed soon we miss you here. We need more details of your date! Us old married gals need a bit of spice!

[cailinog74]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS - thank you for your welcome !

Thanks for the warm welcome Sarah Jane and WS

Morning Girls - here I am. Hands shaking with anxiety and some bit of excitement. I honestly don't know how I found this site yesterday but when I read WS's first post - something started to click. First time in this crazy journey with Sauvignon Blanc that I realised I was not alone. Everything has fallen apart since my Dad died in June 2009 from cancer. He never drank a day in his life and here I am his daughter, whose whole life revolves around 8pm at night and cranking open that wine. One hour later, the wine is gone - I have either turned into a cranky wagon or have been really nice to my partner and kids and am ordering a pizza ! Hate the heavy head in the morning. Hate not remembering what I said to the kids. Hate the fuzzy taste in my mouth. Hate the way the wine is taking all my money. I work damn hard but right now, all I have is bills.
Sorry for long post - here's to my first AF day in years xxx. Fingers crossed. I will check in later on tonight during the witching hour. Love to all and well done to all the AF Brave Girlies.

[tonstantweader]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hi Cailinog74,
Wine was my downfall too, but I don't think I could ever wait until 8 p.m. to start drinking. See if you can change your habits when the witching hour calls. Can you fit in a walk then, or story time with your kids? I am finding that if I replace my old habits with activities that distract me, the wine calls me less. Keep checking in here, too. We do know what you're going through and everyone here is of immense help and support. You're on the right track!

[cailinog74]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

So much support

To: tonstantweader - I cannot believe how much support I feel from you all already. This is a decision I know I have been putting off for a long time but now I know the time is here. I now know that wine is the winner in my house and myself and my family are the losers.

I am soo afraid of what this evening will bring. I know my kids have made comments about my drinking (Ages 11,10,5,4). I have tried to laugh it off to myself but the laughing is over. My youngest asked me the other day "Do you wash out your wine glass in the bath when you are finished drinking your wine in the bath ?" Soo sad. Another big issue is the weight - I have never put on soo much weight so fast. My face is blown up. I know with all you here I can do it.

[beautifullife]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Good morning Ladies

I am here to check in ... and cailinog-- I am right here with you on this glorious day 1, and let me welcome you and say hello.

I feel strong this morning and will be back here often. I thankfully do not have a fuzzy or heavy head and seem to be really thinking clearly.

WS- I am starting my 30 days (and beyond), 30 days behind you. Thank you, thank you for your support.

Alley- Thank you, deeply, for your support also. Your kind words give strength.

Good day to you all, Lovely Ladies!! I will be back soon!

[tonstantweader]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

BeautifulLIfe - I have been exactly where you are now. Bargaining with myself, rationalizing my wine drinking, trying over and over again to quit. And who knows whether this time will really take? I've been AF for only 16 days, but for some reason I really feel that I can conquer it this time.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying perhaps now, with a party looming, is not the best time to quit. The important thing is that you know you have a problem and when the time is really right for you it will work. That doesn't mean continue to drink yourself silly right now, but I know that I had to sort of work up to the psychological state that made it the right time for me.

Cailinog, Yes the dread of the evening hours can be frightening. Try to get some L-glut (I found mine at Wal-Mart) and just get through it hour by hour. Going to bed early helps me too. My weight is an issue for me also. A couple of years ago I had quit drinking for over a year, weighed at least 50 pounds less, was running 5 miles on the treadmill and I let it all go to hell to drink wine. And of course, when I drink I get hungry so I was also taking in far more calories in food than I should have. Now I am back trying to return to that fit, thin, happy person I was not so very long ago.

Allybee, My weekend used to start on Friday nights, like most people's. Then the wine drinking moved to Thursday and then, hey, Wednesday is hump day, right? That's a good excuse to drink. And of course Sat. and Sun are givens. So if I was really good I could go AF on Mondays and Tuesdays, and often not even then. It's the One Day at A Time philosophy that works for me. It's all about just getting through this day AF.

This a great thread WS, let's keep it strong!

[cailinog74]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

It is unreal that we all have shared similar experiences ! My weekend used to start at 9pm Friday night only and like some of you guys, it went back to Thursday and then sure why not Wednesday !!. It is like get in from work, get the dinner, get the housework kind of done and get into really good humour because it was nearly wine time and my DH would be so delighted to have me in good humour, that he would nearly open the wine for me.

Imagine being able to drink nearly two bottles of wine and get up for work the next day. It is scary what is happening !

[Enough!]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

SJ- no need to apologize. I was quite serious when I said thank you. I remember my own incidents like the one you described. We have to be totally honest with ourselves as to where we have been and remember ( sometimes vividly ) how absolutely awful things were.

I think part of why we started all drinking wine was it was exceptable and had a certain aspect of glamor. Well as I was guzzling bottle after bottle the glamor is replaced with disgust. I also have children andy recent not drinking has had a huge positive impact on them.

I need to win this battle; same as everyone else here. Yes, there is amazing support

Enough!

[cailinog74]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Witching Hour

The dreaded Witching Hour (s) have arrived. So far, I have tidied my hotpress, sorted out all the bed clothes and this would have been about the time I would have had the two smallies in their pjs and I would be counting down to opening my lovely wine. I would be thinking up of excuses for my DH so that we would order pizza when the hunger would set in after the 1st bottle of wine. My God, how much money have I wasted and what muck have I put into my body. Trying to feel positive. Kinda hard Girls !!

[SarahJane]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hi Cailinog,
You are doing great. Think about how great you will feel in the morning & how proud of yourself you will be. Take 10 deep breaths every time you think about having wine. Have something healthy to eat. Look at the tools section here. Have a nice cup of tea or something else that tastes nice. Have a treat after dinner like some icecream. You can do it. Stay close & let us know how ou are doing.
We have all been there. Think of all the benifits to your kids- I have 4 of them & my relationship with each one of them has transformed over the last 2 months since I came here.
After a while it wont be the witching hour- it will be lovely time to spend with your family or do something for yourself. But for now just take it one day at a time- or an hour at a time. The cravings pass and will decrease each day.

[cailinog74]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Sarah Jane - I have tears in my eyes at your kindness!

I have just made a lovely cup of coffee and I honestly think my DH does not know what is going on ! Feeling ok at the minute but I tell you this website has been my saving grace for the last few hours. Keep re-reading all your positive posts. Imagine 28 or 30 days AF - my God, you are all so brave. I know I have to do it. The weekend is going to be hard but I just have to stay logging in.
Am going to read my smallies a bedtime story and you know what ?, for the first time in years, I will be able to remember what story it was in the morning. My God, what happened to me at all ?

[Turnagain]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

30 days woo..woo...wooooooooo to WineSucks! And Clover, and Juja too...

Am catching up with the posts...it's great to have all of you new 'uns join us. Ally and Caili...you have found a supportive group. It's amazing how similar all of our stories are. I have come to see just how brave and strong we are for recognizing that we MUST beat this addiction. I heard something not too long ago that has made a big impact on my thinking...it went like this:


You can choose to take a drink or not to take a drink...but you cannot choose whether to become addicted.

SJ...you are I are twin travelers....my last drink was on 7/23. I already celebrated this milestone early. I used the money I saved this month from not drinking and smoking to buy a new puppy. I also had enough left over to make a modest donation to the local SPCA.

Speaking of savings...I actually set up a special account online at my bank where I transfer what I was spending everyday on booze and smokes ($22) When I wiped out the account for puppy plus...I was getting closed to $600! Last month, that would've been down my gullet...rotting my gizzard and polluting my lungs. And the only thing I would've had to show for it was a bigger belly and rotten health.

Beautiful...I know what you are going through regard the upcoming party. I can only share my experience. I am not a person who can moderate. Gawd knows I wanted to be. Like SarahJane, I tried to convince myself that I could control my drinking. And, for the past 5 years, maybe more, I'd go on the 'wagon' for long stretches and then...I'd fall off for even longer stretches. I finally had to face the reality. I just can't drink. Period.

Here's what I've given up....

The hangovers, the indigestion, the weight gain, the red wine morning-after diarrhea, the heartburn, the drain on my family's finances, the embarrassment, the leaky gut and the depression.

I don't want any of this crap back in my life. Quoth my Raven...'Never more!'

[tonstantweader]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

I don't have a lot to add to what SJ and Turnagain have said because I think they have both really captured the hell of drinking and the advantages of being sober. Just want to say I'm really proud of you Cailinog. You are doing all the right things. You are right to keep checking in here and post as often as you feel you need to. You'll never regret this time when your kids are young and your memories of them aren't hazy.

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Good Evening Ladies!!!! Wow....lots of activity on the thread which is great!!!! First, thank you all for the congrats on the 30 days but honestly, I couldn't have done it without the support of the people on this thread. I seriously started thinking if I couldn't do 30 days, I would check in to rehab! But....despite 30 days, I know I still have issues with the wine and I am still very vunerable.
Turn - Awesome post with some great insight! I love your idea about transfering money that you saved from not drinking! Somehow when I'm not spending money on wine, I feel better about spending money on myself.
I wish I could remember what everyone posted.....I'm afraid to hit the back button because I'll lose everything I've already written...is there a trick for this?
To those that have had a hard time abstaining.....it's okay and it will get better. The important thing is to keep trying and keep posting. We don't care how many day no. 1s you have to have....eventually, it will click.
Clover - You have been with me since Day 1 of my quest and you have been such an inspiration to me. I've been thinking about what you said regarding moderating and I think I have the same issue...9 out of 10 times I think I drink to get buzzed or worse. SJ....not sure about sipping the wine, I would probably guzzle it.

Although 30 days are done, I still plan on keeping this thread going. It's like home-base and honestly, it has been a lifesaver for me. I still think the support is important whether its day 1 or 30 or 50, etc.....

Hope everyone has a wonderful, relaxing evening. God bless and good night, sleep tight!!!!

[crimsons]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

I'm on Day 1, and this is an inspiring thread! Bravo to all who accomplished their goals, and sharing with people just starting.