All I Want Is 30 Days AF

[cailinog74]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

SarahJane

When you made your brave decision to go AF, did you tell anyone ? No-one knows about my drinking. Not even my DH knows the true extent of it, he just tries to keep me happy.

[Twinkle Girl]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Evening Ladies - Ouch!! Just been reading about everyone's injuries courtesy of the dreaded poison and agree with Shue that while you cringe and try to sweep these episodes under the carpet, it's good therepy to revisit them occassionally just to remind yourself NOT to go there!!

Huge welcome to Ally and Caili - we all have similar stories and know how hard the first few days are. Stay close and try to keep that visualization about waking up fresh tomorrow. My pattern was the same as yours - I totally relate to that little 'voice'. This is my 2nd AF weekend and I have been so focused since joining this thread I've not given the 'wine monster's' voice the time of day. However, he's playing tricks with me right now saying 'it's Fri night, you've proved you can do it, a couple of wines won't hurt'. He can P**S right off!! I got into my PJ's the same time as the kids (so I can't run up to the corner shop!) and we have no booze in the house so I'm going to drink Lime & Soda until I burst and hope this craving passes! My DH can't believe I'm doing this and I'm not ready to let him or our kids down.

WS & SJ - What star's you are!! Congrats on 30 days, you have come such a long way and are a huge inspiration to all of us on this journey.

Turn - I believe you're not far behind - keep up the good work. So true about all the wasted money poured down our throats - I expect your Puppy's keeping you on your toes and what a great feeling to be able to make a donation to the SPCA.

DH's calling for me to go and watch a movie - deep breathes, movies and wine have always gone hand in hand but NOT TONIGHT - he was talking about getting 'The Hangover Part 2' out and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!!

Hope you all enjoy a relaxing Friday night - onwards and upwards...

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hello Lovely Ladies.....Happy Friday!
Shue - Glad to see you back! Where in the heck is Queen?????
Crimsons - Welcome and Congrats on Day 1!
Cailing - Congrats to you also.....isn't it amazing how wonderful it feels to wake up clear-headed?
Tons - I'm glad to see you are doing so well.
Clover - You said something that really hit me.....running to the liquor store only to come home and drink alone....boy I was starting to do that
SJ - 8 miles is amazing. How many miles is the marathon you are training for? When you describe your drinking habits it reminds me of mine....especially the part about going to the neighbors and hoping to be asked to have a drink......I've done that quite often.
Okay, so a couple of things I've noticed and want to share......although, I'm 31 days, I don't think its clicked still! I really struggled toward the end. That stupid little voice that everyone is talking about is pretty darn loud sometimes. I also wish I could get to a place where I'm not annoyed that I can't drink. I don't think I've accepted it yet, although its gotten a little better. So those of you that haven't had it click yet, you aren't alone! Like Shue, I still have a fear of wine too. I was driving to work this morning thinking that I need to accept the fact that I can't drink. I know if I try to moderate, I'll get sucked right back down the hole because If I'm going to drink a glass, it will be a bottle.
Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. Going to play cards with some of my girlfriends.....luckily they don't drink!
Oh and Twinkle.....let me know how Hangover 2 is if you watch it - I haven't seen it yet. I didn't think the first one was that funny but my kids thought it was hilarious.

[cailinog74]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Twinkle Girl - thanks for the welcome. Only for this website, I truly believe I would not have even reached day 2 AF. Like you, I am in my pjs with the kids and no poison wine in my house.

Wine Sucks - isn't it amazing that we can feel angry that we can't drink ! My DH is afraid to ask me what is going on. I think my kids are wondering what the heck is going on. I really did not think I would make it through a Friday night ever without the poison wine and pizza !

[allybee]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hang in there caili and twinkle! I'm still at work, so a few hours to go before the "voice" gets louder and more insistent. I like the idea of telling it to shut the hell up

Everything I read is so familiar...movies and wine going hand and hand, husband not knowing the extent of it ("I thought that was your first glass!" he'll say, after the bottle is drained...). Knowing I'm not alone is helping me get through this.

[Queenbug]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS and Clover!!!! Well done you lovely ones!!!! I'm so proud of you!!! I've had real problems with internet and then was away seeing family...I have SOOOOO missed you and this site...am at my sisters tonight and then home again tomorrow...where hopefully internet will be sorted....
ANYHOOS...21 days and still on it....been very hard at times but I really wanted to be able to come back and tell you ASAP...I wish I could have been around a bit more but when I did start to waver I kept reminding myself that I would be able to be back and chat to you all...
Please pass on my love to the other friends on other posts...hope to be back soon...
Big love :wave:

[cailinog74]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Allybee

When you said about your husband saying " I thought that was your first glass" when the bottle was drained could have been written from my house. He really has no idea of the extent of it or of the money it has cost me. The dreaded witching hour has passed and here I am day 2 at 22.26 drinking a cup of Coffee. My God, only for you and the Girlies here, I dread to think of what I would be like now at this time.

[tonstantweader]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

It's so good to hear Caili, Allybee, and everyone else doing so well. My husband never really knew or understood how much I was drinking. He doesn't have any problem giving it up when he wants to, or stopping at two drinks a night and no one in his family had an alcohol problem. So, he doesn't really recognize a drinking problem when he lives with one!
I had a hard time fighting off the wine monster tonight. Tough, long day at work and that usually translated into "Hey let's go out to dinner, have a couple of drinks, talk over the day, stop for a big bottle of wine, and drink all night." It would be so nice if I could just stop at a couple with dinner, but like all of you, I can't. I just can't.
So I came, home, downed an L-Glut pill, made some cafe mocha, cooked dinner and am about to head out to the gym. I find if I distract myself by being busy and having something else to drink I can get through it.

And I really find it helpful to know that I can't let all of my friends here down. I know that if I slip everyone here will be understanding and supportive, but my pride wants me to get to that 30 days too! And I'm more than halfway there. Yippee!

[beautifullife]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hello and good evening, my Lovely Ladies

Tons, shue-- Thank you for your kind support and responses.

It has been a difficult day for me. I am sure some of you (shue) may be asleep now and others are well into the night, but mine has barely just begun. I think my entire stupid dilemma has been the BS that I put into my head about the party my husband and I are having tomorrow. I have, as the course of each day goes on, blown off being AF, any good hopes, good feelings and positivity. I have instead just told, "blamed," this Saturday as the reason I am continuing to drink. I know you all are probably tired of hearing me rant about wanting to be AF and not actually doing it, and to be honest I really do not blame or think poorly of any one who feels this way... I feel this way about me! I am not going to post about being AF until after tomorrow, the "witching" day. I will spare you all from that. I am just glad to be able to come here, somewhere and post how I feel. I judge myself so harshly, as well as some other people in my immediate family do, that it is comforting to know that ALL of you beautiful people are out there to offer assistance. Thank you, ALL, again from the very bottom of my heart. I know I am a good person, a great Mom, and a wonderful wife... I just wish I could get this monkey off my back!! On a funny, lighter note that reminds me of an old George Michael song.. Love to you all and thank you for listening. I will be back soon. I WILL GET THIS MONKEY OFF MY BACK SOON!!!! I swear this!!

[beautifullife]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Wine- I keep re-reading your original post and it is so true to my life also. I pray with you, now you've made 30 days +... Congratulations, again, and keep going! For your own health and sanity, please do not re-enter this insane world/relationship of WINE that I am in again, EVER... It is misery and hard to escape... I live for your posts and wish I were nearer to you. Thank you for being a stronghold that I come back to. You are blessed to me WS!

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Thank you Beautiful for all the kind words. I typically don't check in this late but I'm glad I did. One thing I have learned is NOT to beat yourself up. This is time to be tolerant and kind to yourself. I'm not upset with you for posting in your current situation and I honestly don't think anyone else is eaither. We are all in different stages of trying to abstain from that damned wine! Post, post and keep posting no matter how you are feeling...that's what we are here for. Tomorrow at the party, try drinking water before you decide to drink wine.....it might help. You are on this site and you are posting, so eventually you will be ready....don't worry.

It's interesting that alot of the posts tonight were about the husbands not knowing how bad our problem is/was. Some of the worst fights my HB and I would have was when I was drinking. I know this sounds crazy but I think he would sometimes deliberately provoke me when I was drinking and then blame our fight on the drinking. But I also know that sometimes I was an ass. He doesn't want me drinking AT ALL. So then, I started drinking and would hide it completely from him. I would pour a glass of wine and hide it in the cupboard when I was cooking, or hide in behind the shower curtain while I was taking a bath, etc...and to be honest, we never had one fight if he didn't see me drinking.....he couldn't tell. He has no idea about this site or me going 30 days....I haven't told him a thing.

Not sure why I'm rambling about this but tonight he seriously pissed me off and I want some feedback from you guys because I'm not sure I'm justified in being pissed. Tonight I went over to my friends house to play our Friday night game of cards....for the most part these women don't drink...very rare. Well, I came home tonight, walked in the door and he says "Did you drink"? Of course I hadn't but just the fact that he asked me this pissed me off. This is exactly the kind of thing that would trigger me to drink because I'm thinking "you aren't my father". I asked him why in the world he would ask me this (as he is sitting there drinking his shiraz) and he says "I don't know, I just had a feeling". I'm irritated but I haven't said anything to him.

Sorry for rambling but I needed to get this off my chest!

[Twinkle Girl]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Morning Ladies, just checking in and it's not even 9am - that' a first!

Totally with you on the husband thing. My DH's on a need to know basis. On a lousy day I'd casually mention I need to cut down my drinking but when he reminds me of this when I'm skipping around with a glass of wine, I'd bite his head off and say 'this is only my first' knowing full well I've finished the bottle! The bloke, can't win!! I guess I was never serious about going AF before because the thought petrified me and I didn't know where to start.

I am an honest person and the only thing I've ever been untruthful about is wine!! My neighbours drink alot and I suggested we share our recycling bins so I can mix all our bottles up and make out the majority of the empties are their's!! - how deceitful!! I doubt it even crosses DH's mind!

I've only connected with you guys for a couple of weeks yet I can freely open up which is something my pride and shame has not allowed me to do with the person I've been with for over 20 years!! He's supporting me now on this mission but still doesn't know the full extent of my history and probably never will.

SJ - Yep, I would have snapped too - the defenses would have sprung up and I'd march straight to the fridge. If my DH ever want to get my back up he brings wine into the arguement but I don't bite anymore as I know he's only after a reaction - stupid Bas***d!! I know I'm super sensitive about the wine topic so just try and smile and let it wash over you. It must be doubley hard if he has a glass in his hand so give yourself an extra pat on the back.

Beaut - I think you need to get this party done and dusted before you take action. You need a plan, I first started lurking around this site 2 weeks before our summer hol and just knew I was not in the right place to go AF until I got back. I got plastered every night and thought about my problem every day and took the plunge 12 days ago.

WS - Although it's still early days for me I still get that angry feeling when I see other's enjoying a drink. We went for a walk along the seafront last night and it made me cross to see people sat in the pubs/restaurants sipping their wine - I wanted to shout out 'if I can't drink then why should you!!'

Anyway, have a fab weekend ladies, catch you later.

[cailinog74]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Morning Ladies - here I am Day 3 : 11.43 am and I am still AF thanks to all of you. The common thread as all of us have said - no-one knew the full extent of our drinking. Maybe not even ourselves. I haven't haven't said a word to DH about this Website or about my intention to go one day or hour at a time. He can have a drink tonight and not have one until next week or month. I can delighted for him but still mad at myself. He has dropped a few hints lately over the last couple of months about me starting to depend on the wine - always in a jokey manner so this is about me being stubborn and not wanting to let any of you guys down. Your support as always over the last 3 days is like my back bone.

[beautifullife]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Good morning Ladies (really early morning where I am), and I am just checking in also.

Wine- Thank you for your positive words. They are resonating in my head and bringing my thoughts up to a higher place. I will try drinking water (sparkling, maybe) first today to try and ward off that wine monster to some degree. And to respond to your post about your HB... It would have p***ed me off as well. My HB used to say things like that, as he had a wine in his hand also, and it would just send me over the top. We would wind up in the worst arguments, with hostility that would last a couple of days. He always seemed to have some off-hand, smart a** remark to make about me and "how much wine I'd had," even if I truthfully had not had any at all! It would make me want to clobber him. A few months back, I decided to just start ignoring him when he would say stuff like that, and I guess it worked because he has stopped. I wish you luck, Wine, on your end because I know how hard and insulting it is to have someone (espec. someone who is our closest, dearest partner) be so thoughtless in their words. I send my love out to you.

Twinkle- I agree with you about this stinkin' party. I woke up 2 hors ago (literally in the middle of the night) because I was having bad thoughts, almost like non-scary nightmares, about how much wine we have in our house. Well, heck, I guess they were scary because it woke me up and made me want to dump out the bottles. That, however, I know I cannot do until the day is done.

Wine- posting here even when I haven't gone AF, yet, does help... because, as I come to the close of this post of mine, I feel differently. Maybe it is starting to click a bit? That would be great! Stay strong and keep posting. It is nice to have you, and all of the other Lovely Ladies as well, out there who understand.

Best in life to you ALL and have a wonderful weekend! I will be back later!

[tonstantweader]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

"I know you all are probably tired of hearing me rant about wanting to be AF and not actually doing it, and to be honest I really do not blame or think poorly of any one who feels this way... I feel this way about me!"

If I could tell you all the times I wanted to be AF and didn't actually do it, you'd probably feel much better about your attempts! We've all been there, BL, and although I can only speak for myself I am not tired at all of your being here and getting the support you need. It took me a week-long binge of huge amounts of wine every night and a stupid fight with my DH to get me serious about quitting.

I am a bit luckier than many of you in that my husband drinks gin and not wine. I am never tempted by gin so having it around is not a problem for me. If there was wine in the house at all, I'd be a goner so I doubly admire all of you who are quitting and who have husbands who drink wine. Luckily my husband hates wine.
If I can offer a bit of advice, I think you all might try telling your husbands and getting them on your side. They know something's up and they probably knew you were drinking when you thought they didn't know. It may be your DH's sense of not being included in your struggles that makes them testy.

Before I go, I have to address the wine bottles in the recycling container! We have our own container, but I would put empty bottles in the trashcans both to hide from myself and others just how much I was drinking! If I couldn't see the evidence, it wasn't all that much right?