All I Want Is 30 Days AF

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

This morning starts Day 6 for me. It really does feel SO great to wake up without a hangover. I haven't been sleeping all that well and had lots of very vivid dreams last night. I'm taking on a lot right now: my house is in foreclosure and I had to consult an attorney earlier this week; I'm looking for a new job (one that pays halfway decent) because my finances are a mess; AND I'm trying to be alcohol free. Yikes! And it's Friday, my traditional evening to come home from work and get blotto. I'm trying to plan going out for dinner with a friend so that I won't be sitting around the house alone. Last night was rough for me, too, like many of you. As I waited for the rain to stop so I could hit the liquor store, I was literally pacing around my house. This is so nuts. Well .... off to the salt mines. I hope everyone has a great day and that we all keep trying and coming back here no matter what happens!

[camgirl]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

So where am I?

I am definitely a wine-aholic--usually at least a bottle once started--but I can easily drink a beer or two or an alcoholic drink or two WITHOUT wanting more. But of course I prefer the wine. If I can keep myself from going to the store, or no one brings it home just to be nice, I can do it. But usually after a few days, I end up going to the store. Last year was the first year I drank a bottle a night most of the year--and actually functioned as an esteemed teacher and colleague all year (the hangover seemed to pass by noon). Since my children are all grown, only my husband is a witness--and his own drinking has steadily increased, although he is more of a beer or vodka man. I feel like I am at a crossroads.

For the last 3 weeks I have been on an exercise and diet program and feel really good, only drinking a couple of gin and tonics a night, but I did have one 2 day wine slip up last week. At that point, I did recognize that around wine, I have no control. I don't think I am ready to say "I will quit drinking forever," but I do want to quit drinking wine--is it possible to rid oneself of the craving of one kind of alcohol? And why don't I want to give up drinking all together--because I do like the relaxation feeling--and I haven't been able to find a substitute, and because it is a huge aspect of all my family and friend gatherings. The association of a drink sitting by the pool or on the front porch or talking with friends is an immense temptation. And so far, because I don't ever feel inclined to keep drinking beer or straight alcohol, I feel "safe" around those options.

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Camgirl, I know exactly what you mean about the wine. I actually don't drink anything but wine - can't stand the taste and bloated feeling of beer; vodka, tequila, etc. all taste like rubbing alcohol to me and I can't tolerate them. But, damn, I can put away a bottle or more of wine in no time! I've never been a daily drinker, but certainly am a binge drinker. I could handle it relatively well for a while, but as I get older the hangovers make me feel so ill and depressed, I will literally spend most of the day after in bed (if I'm not forced to go to work dreadfully hung over). I wish I had more answers for you .... I'm a newcomer.

[jenniech]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

camgirl - you are in the same exact place as me!!!!!!! what is it about wine???? Today I went to lunch with 3 good co-worker friends. they all ordered wine with their meal....I passed! Managed to NOT drink wine when everyone else was but my goodness, my defenses are weakened in a major way. I mean, I can't remember the last time I sat at a table with 3 glasses of wine, smelling the delicious aroma, and not taking a sip (gulp)......tonight will be hard.

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hey Everyone....I just wanted to say hi. It's late but I just got home. I'm so happy for everyone's progress.....this isn't easy. I know what you guys mean about the wine issue. I can drink a couple of beers and stop or have 1 mixed drink then stop but I seem to drink wine like water. I don't know why this is and I don't know if it's possible to give up one type of alcohol in favor of another.

Jenniech - You should feel so good about being able to do that. Honestly, I don't think I would have been able to sit at a table with everyone else drinking wine.
Well, it's the weekend, so everyone hang in there. Saturday's are hard for me and I have to work tomorrow so maybe that will help.

I'll check in tomorrow...............hope everyone has a good night's sleep tonight (I've been having vivid dreams as well)

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Well, I blew it. I don't even know why, but after work I went and got a bottle of wine and drank the whole damned thing. Since my binges tend to be around 3-4 days apart, I'm glad that I was at least able to go nearly 6. I had a terrible hangover today, pounding head, throwing up. It's one of the worst ones I've had recently. Of course, I feel guilty and worthless. I'm such a wreck about my job; they're laying people off and if that happens to me, I don't know what I'll do. The good news is that I was called back for a second interview for a possible new job. I simply HAVE to find another way to relieve stress and worry. So .... I feel rotten today. But I'm going to try, try again. Maybe this time I can make that 30 days.

[ThreeDogNight]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hi, Clover.

Don't beat yourself up. You did six days, and that is great, and now maybe you'll go for 30 days. Sounds like the stress with the job situation is awful, and I understand what that is about. I went off the deep end over two years ago when I lost my job.

Maybe that bad hangover will "buy" you some AF time. I am so immune to drinking that I have not thrown up in years, and don't even usually get a headache! It might be good that you do, as you can't go right back to drinking.

Stay on here and keep posting and being honest. It's one of the few places many of us can be honest.

You can do it, I know you can!

TDN

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Thank you, ThreeDogNight. I'm doing better tonight, just very tired. My kids and I went out for dinner and spent most of the evening together before they each went out with their friends. My job and home situation are, indeed, very stressful. But I simply have to find another way to cope. Friday night is a real trigger for me; I come home from work and just want that instant feeling of relaxation that the wine provides. But, funny thing - I don't actually enjoy drinking anymore. I'm afraid to actually go out and drink in public and drive drunk. So, it's a very isolated activity and not in the least bit fun. And, of course, the day after is hell. I barfed my guts out for most of the day and seem to be less immune than ever!

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Clover - Don't feel bad...I blew it too after 6 days AF. I have no idea what happened but I drank a whole bottle myself last night. Today I had a headache and felt tired yet still I had to work. However, as you said.....this is progress for me. Usually 3 days is my limit and I made it to 6. I'm not where I want to be but I'm better than where I was!

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Oh, and I forgot to say.....Wine Really Does Suck!

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS, I'm sorry to hear that and I sure do know how you feel! I'm doing better today, have lots of activities planned to keep busy. So here goes another attempt. Last week went so well, but Friday is obviously a trigger for me. I'll have to make absolutely certain that I have something to do after work every day, but especially on Friday! I am glad to have strung together nearly a week; that is very unusual for me. And I feel more motivated than ever!

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Good Morning Everyone -

Clover - I'm glad to hear you aren't beating yourself up and are getting back on the sober train. I'm doing the same thing. I was thinking that maybe we should set mini goals....like 7 days AF then 14 days AF, etc....so at least we can feel we accomplished something.

Hope everyone has a great sober Sunday. I have LOTS of yard work today so at least I'll have something to take my mind off the AL.

Onward and Upward!!!!!

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS, the mini goal idea is a terrific one! I've always had a tendency to fall into punishing, self-loathing thinking, but it is so unproductive. I think it is better to try and stay positive. You sound pretty upbeat this morning, which is good! So, I'm going to try and make 7 days. I plan to be here every day, and will most certainly need to be here on Friday! Onward and upward indeedy!

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Clover - I am upbeat because I can't stand beating myself up. I'm with you on the 7 days....starting today for me. I am worried about next weekend. It's the 4th of July and I am going to have a very stressful week at work. I don't want to get in the frame of mind that I "deserve" to have a glass of wine. This is a typical attitude for me. I'm going to post here everyday and hopefully we can get through this....I like having a partner, or should I say...partners in crime!

Also, while I'm at it....let me say to all of who are reading my posts that I don't want you to think that there were no consequences of me deciding to drink the wine and that I'm all upbeat and moving on. There were definatley consequences.....first the 500 calories that I drank from the bottle of wine...the terrible headache that I had the next day and had to go to work feeling terrible and make it through the day during a very busy time of year where I need to be on my A game every day.....the stomach ache that I had.....I didn't go to the gym.....the self-loathing that came along with being disgusted with myself......lying......and the fact that I started this thread to not only help myself but to help others as well and I fell short. So while I am getting back up and not beating myself up...if you guys haven't given in and have been strong...don't - honestly it isn't worth it!

I also have realized that I have emotional issues to work through with this....it isn't easy. I miss sitting on the deck with my friends drinking wine, going to happy hour....the whole social aspect that I have to learn how to do sober. The funny thing is, I can sit there and have a couple of beers, go home and I'm fine....but it seems to open the door for the next day and the next with the wine.

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS, I am concerned about next weekend, too. A friend is supposed to come and visit and when she does, we typically spend the first evening sitting on my deck and drinking wine. Of course, I always drink more than her and always have a hangover the next day. She is one of my dearest friends in the world, and if I tell her I'd rather not drink, she will certainly support me; she's actually not much of a drinker and probably only indulges when she's around me.

I have a lot going on this week, too; the company I work for is doing layoffs and I've applied for a new job. I actually have a second interview on Thursday. Maybe I'm taking on too much all at once, but I just have this feeling in my gut that if I want a new job, new beginning, etc. that I have to stop drinking!

And even though I'm feeling better today, yesterday was just awful. I was SO hungover, I must have thrown up at least 6 times, my head was killing me, I ached all over and wasted the entire day being sick. And, of course, I was incredibly depressed. So, like you, today I'm trying to stay positive and not dwell on punishing myself.

It is good to have partner(s) in crime and support! I will post every day, too, and just keep concentrating on how great it will feel to get 7 days!