All I Want Is 30 Days AF

[retteacher]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS: I deluded myself into thinking I wasn't an alcoholic w/:
-I only drink wine...not.
-I function OK.
-I haven't lost my family.
-I'm not homeless.
-I've never been arrested.
-etc.

The truth was that I thought about drinking all the time. I was obsessed, & it was taking over my life & ruining my health.

I've been sober over 2 years w/the help of MWO & AA. It's been a huge learning experience, but I'm a better person now than I've ever been.

Good luck.

Mary

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

New Shoes, I had to chuckle a bit (hope you don't mind) when you said how you used to feel so fun and glamorous holding your wine glass each evening. That sounds exactly like me! I'd have my glass of wine and then I'd light up a cig and just think I was the most elegant and charming creature in the world. Of course, later in the evening and many glasses more consumed, I'd be staggering around, talking to myself, rumpled and disheveled. And the next morning, oh how very glamorous I'd look on my knees in front of the toilet, barfing my guts out. Truly, this gal's body, mind and spirit cannot take it anymore. I've given myself a total and complete battering over the last few years, and I'm stopping it now. Day 3 nearly done! I'm off to the gym and then having something good to eat. This is how it's supposed to be! Hang in there.

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Not Tonight and New Shoes - We are so glad to have you here. I was also chuckling along with Clover about thinking I was glamorous holding the glass of wine. AL drinking is so romantized.

NewShoes - I think a week goal is a good one to start with and we are here to support you.

Mary....thanks for the reality check - I really needed it tonight when that little voice started creeping in my head about it just being a glass to relax. A glass always turns into a bottle. I don't think about drinking all the time because I'm busy durning the day but boy, once 5:00 comes it's game on. I'm having the battle with myself and the little voice usually wins. Then I try to rationalize that a bottle of wine is only 4 glasses so that really isn't sooo bad. Until I feel like crap the next day.

Clover....you go girl! So glad to hear you are going to the gym. I went this morning and plan on going again tomorrow morning. I was amazed at how much energy I had today.

Day No. 2 almost over for me. I have to go out after work tomorrow with some co-workers and I'm a little worried. Can someone give me a good drink option that is AF?

[Queenbug]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS, Clover, Not Tonight, New Shoes et al....this is all SO familiar...such a god awful weekend (or bit of a succession of them if truth be known) but I REALLY can't keep on thinking that the bottle of red I guzzle in...to be frank...a not at all glamourous way...is ever going to help me with anything. I really thought I could call myself a high functioning heavy drinker...nope nope nope people...work is fine because I can't drink, but the minute my (expanding) arse is out of there...shop..wine..home..cook/work/family...zonk...then throw up next morning..off to work and round and round again. Worse lately though is if I'm alone at weekends, which is happening a fair bit now, double the amount and crying, knocked out on the sofa, no washing, eating, housework...nope nothing galmourous about me!!!!
WS...Lime and soda? heavy on the lime?!? I can struggle through on that sometimes even though red wine is my usual.
Just done Day 2 thanks to you lot...I'm back tomorrow but it will be late...sending you my love and friendship x :h

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

QB - You and I are on the same day so tomorrow is Day 3 for us. It's such a vicious cycle and it's so unhealthy for us. I like the idea of lime and anything so I think I'll try your suggestion. Good job on Day No. 2 and we will be back tomorrow night to celebrate Day 3!

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS, I got back from the gym and decided to vacuum a couple of rooms, wash dishes, do laundry. Wow! Exercising and not drinking are quite an amazing combination. Perhaps I should do the gym in the morning, though; I'll be up all night at this rate! When you go out tomorrow, perhaps you could drink something sparkly and fizzy, like seltzer or club soda with lots of lemon or lime. You can drink lots of it, if necessary, and it's refreshing and healthy.

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Oh, I just saw that Queenbug had the same beverage suggestion. We really do think alike! Queenbug, I've spent WAY too many weekend mornings/afternoons on the couch, head banging, throwing up, aching everywhere and sobbing my eyes out. And to think, it's all been self-induced. Yikes!! I'm giving it all I've got this time, I don't want to spend even one single minute feeling like that again!

[not tonight]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Good Morning Day 2!!!!! Clover your post about getting back from the gym and getting stuff done around the house really struck a cord with me. When I am not drinking I can fit so much into a day, I can just about stay on top of things. When I am drinking I let most things slip and the house as well as other areas of my life slip into chaos. This is really not fair to my family. God, wine is just so greedy, it's just take, take, take! Well onwards and upwards. Ladies have a wonderful and sober day!

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hi Everyone...Day No. 3 for me. I wrote a long message for everyone this morning, then it dropped. Basically what I was saying is that while I was praying for everyone last night, it came to me to read John 8:31 which says that the truth will make us free. It specifically says that "Therefore, if the Son makes you free you shall be free indeed". This referes to bondage, which I consider AL. These words were spoken by Jesus and I thought that if he loved us enough to give his life for us, then he loves us enough to remove us from bondage. All we have to do is ask, in His name. We need to keep praying for one another....through Him all things are possible (or I wouldn't be sitting here at 5:45 typing). Hope everyone has a blessed day. I'll check back in tonight (I have that event after work so I'll let you know how it went). Off to the gym...onward and upward!

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Oh and by the way ladies....I know what you mean about not getting houswork done. Clover, you almost made me want to clean last night but I was too tired. I can't go to the gym at night or I can't sleep!

[shueaddict]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Dear fab Winesucks,
Something in your story struck a cord so strongly that I?ve been dying to write mine down, for the single and completely selfish reason of hearing myself. Shoe addiction has defined me for ages, sadly I now have to admit that I probably love New Zealand sauvignon Blanc a lot more than Jimmy Choos.

I am 35, lively and happy by default, I have a great family, a super nice house , a great and challenging career and I am blessed with a very comfortable expat life in a small European country, complete with nanny, driver, personal fitness instructor etc.

So how come yesterday morning when I took the dog out for a walk I had to lie down in the forest for sheer lack of energy , head pounding, short of breath and an acute kidney(?) pain shooting all over my right side. I was so scared of what I have done to myself this time that I was actually afraid to close my eyes. I was close to tears but self pity so not my style. The immediate answer is the obvious 4 consecutive nights of one bottle of white, plus change.

The real answer most likely lies in consciously allowing and glorifying 1-2 glasses of wine to be my permissible indulgence; it was over 5 years ago and I was on great fitness / diet regimes, trying to lose the baby weight; my dietician/ fitness guru has kicked me into the best shape of my life, where I managed to remain for 3 years (despite repeated episodes of binging).

Then my job kicked into gear and the focus was no longer on myself or my family ? I used this excuse over and over to explain letting myself go and drinking more, not sticking to the healthy eating. I would celebrate success with drink, avoid anxiety with drink, abate hunger with drink, getting more energy from drink, try get my mind to stop worrying ?again with drink, getting myself to sleep with drink, until finally I realized that I even drank out of boredom in the evenings alone, because by then I was no longer using wine as a crutch but simply arriving home from work and opening a bottle had become a well ingrained habit.

2 years ago I ordered some hypnosis CD?s and even if I did not follow the whole program through they worked in curbing my consumption for a while. All I ever wanted was to find a ?stop? button after the second glass. Please note that this stuff really really works if you stick to it. But I didn?t, thinking myself to busy and important in my great career path. Dry days became very few and far between and were eventually replaced with ?moderate days? - 2.5 glasses. And my weight kept creeping up, but I was no longer vain, I was getting plenty of satisfaction from work success. Besides, I could still hide it well thanks to ever higher platform heels and carefully chosen designer clothes. I started to drink more and more in hiding from my husband, continuously replacing bottles, claiming I spilled one, shameful really. On business trips I used to get back from dinners and order yet more wine from room service.

Then after this Xmas and New Year debauchery I was landed with pain in my right side. I went to see an internist whom I expected and counted on to scare the living daylights out of me with stories of cirhossis. Instead he declared my blood tests normal, my ultrasound satisfactory and told me that different people tolerate different quantities, please be moderate in the future. But how do you do that? Here I am, 6 months later drinking even more, against my will many times but getting ever more crafty into hiding it. And boy do I hide it well ? Have not missed a single engagement or any tricks at work. It is a huge burden knowing I have this problem but being ashamed and scared of sharing it with my close ones. I have this great life, why am I so bent on wrecking it? How come I keep 4 companies in great success but I am myself on the path of self destruction?

After amassing 14 extra pounds in about 2 years the gig is up. I no longer fit into any of my fabulous clothes. God sent my way my old dietician and now aspiring holistic doctor for support who started to point out to me the more subtle ways overconsumption affects the body. It wreaks havoc with the metabolism, ph levels, estrogen levels and eventually adrenal glands ? he gave me a crash course into how estrogen dominance and liver function are closely related and I am utterly shocked. I am getting early menopausal because of overindulging in freaking wine!!!

Anyway, I need to stop ranting ? there is light at the end of the tunnel, I have seen the ?tools?, and best of all I have taken great comfort from knowing that I can share this with other concerned mothers and workers struggling with the sweet demon of wine. Not having a person to talk to about the emotional side of this battle has been the hardest for me, thank you all for your honesty.

And I am on day 2 ?

[Clover]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

WS, thank you for the inspirational passage and for your prayers! Good luck at your event tonight, enjoy that sparkling water with lemon/lime and just keep thinking how great you're going to feel when you log on tonight and tell us you didn't drink and that you'll be heading into another sober day!

Shueaddict, you sound very much like me. Although my life has certainly not been charmed these last few years (lots of financial difficulties mostly), I still tend to be a cheerful, motivated person as long as I don't drink. And about 5 years ago I was in the best shape of my life, even though I'm a few years older than you. I worked out every day, ate a very healthy diet, loved working in the garden, sewed, etc. What I did NOT do was drink! Well, I hit a rough patch, had some bad luck, and started drinking away the anxiety and stress, then the depression, then the loneliness and boredom. I could go on and on. But, I must head off to to work and start my Day 4! Please join us and check in every day. It's a great feeling to know that there are people here, from all over the world, supporting each other! I hope everyone has a wonderful, sober day!

[shueaddict]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hey Clover,
I am keeping my fingers crossed for you on the job. And please forgive me for boasting about my charmed life, I have read your prior posts and I don?t want to appear conceited or insensible. I got my first job in when I was 18 and studied at night in order to support my parents who by the grace of the fall of communism have not been paid for 6 months by the state companies they worked for. I have lived without money and through difficult, changing times which makes me ever more grateful for what I have. And ever since then I had prayed to God that I always have work ( well, that was definitely heard) .

[IKnowItsTrue]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

I have been drinking at least a bottle of wine a night now for I can't remember. Every morning I wake up horribly depressed. I don't have any motivation though I force myself to do work, exercise etc.. I want badly to stop, but I feel like its hopeless since I have tried so many times. I would like a stop button after the first two glasses too, but now I don't even want to drink at all. Why do I keep doing it? It doesn't make me happy even when I'm doing it anymore, but I don't know what to do. The longest I have gone is two days, but that was last week. I know its just one day at a time, but I get through the whole day and in the evening my resolve goes out the window. I would love to see what it feels like to go 30 days.

[scottish lass]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

this si a great group and I really want to join in. I did fairly well in April, May and June - however off home (6,000 miles) to explain to my parents why my marriage is over and my finances are a complete ruin (yes, they are related!). I have been dreading this trip - and so disgusted that I am nearly 50 and still worried about my parents!! Some would say to look deeper and this cpuld be reason for drinking. Parents both drink a lot = and I won't have internet access, so I know I will drink, and sued this to drink for th elast week - yesterday i felt TERRIBLE! Didn't drink yesterday and feel 90% better today - so wish I could learn.
However, will get this over and then will log in beginning of August and hope to see so many of you with so much success and then i will join in too!!
I did some supplements last time, but did not get CD's - hope to have a little $$$ left over after trip and get the starters pack. I will use this trip to truly work out triggter ect so that I have a great attitude to do this in August.
Good luck one and all - we will not let wine win, we will win over the wine!!!