All I Want Is 30 Days AF

[Irie]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

I've been away for a while, too, and am back again to finally tame this beast. I've been so close a few times in recent months, and truly believed I was free from the grasp of alchohol, only to loose my footing and quickly return to the heavy drinking that I hoped would never again be a part of my life.

So... day one, again. Hoping that I will be updating my signature a week from now.

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Well hello everyone.....it's so good to see you back on the thread. I haven't been on in awhile. Today is AF Day No. 4 for me. So here are the positives......I had no AL on Halloween, which is a big party on my block...I know this sounds stupid but it's probably the first AF Halloween I've had in years (we do it up big on my court). I start counseling on Monday. I'm finally ready to actually DO the work the comes with kicking the habit, even if it is painful. I think there is some truth to "No pain, no gain". So...I don't care if I'm crying, mad, etc....I'm not using AL to surpress my feelings anymore. I'm determined to deal with issues head on and sober. I've been feeling crappy for the past couple of days but clear-headed. I keep wondering "where did I ever get to the point that I could drink a bottle of wine and then some, by myself?" I can't even remember how it happened....it's a sneaky little disease! I have come to the conclusion that it's time for me to be authentic and be comfortable with myself and in my own skin. I don't want to hide alcohol and I don't want to run around anymore, acting like little miss mary sunshine and I have everything under control when I don't. I want to be real and honest. Sorry for the rant but I wanted to share where I'm at. Glad to see everyone is still trying!

[shueaddict]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Dear Dear WS,

What a lovely post.

I think I am also turning a page, read Jason Vale, enlisted my hubby?s help and generally I am just trying to think that I don?t need AL enhancing or suppressing anything. First time I went cold turkey I genuinely missed it. Now ? I don?t ? so far. I hope I can keep this momentum going.

I had an eureka moment when Doggygirl here was describing her ?progression? ? party hard in college, work hard - play harder while building a career, then work ? drink at home to finally just stay at home and drink. It could have been me ? I just don?t want to reach the final stage.

Please do let me know how the counseling is going, it is something that I was considering. In the meantime, my AF plan is still in the DIY stage ( i.e do it yourself ? no professional help).

Love from me, ladies, wish you a great weekend

[Juja]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Dearest WS,

Are you going for AL or mental health counseling, or both? Whichever, good for you!

I know from experience that therapy is a positive eye-opener, and extremely helpful. Don't get frustrated if the light bulb doesn't come on immediately about some issues. The process is a slow one; what you come realize and learn must be internalized so it becomes a part of you.

Counseling's on my agenda, too, once I have time to find a therapist I like. My former life-saver is no longer in business, and I didn't like the one I saw a couple of months ago. Like you, I want to be who I am, say how I feel, and not be concerned about others' reactions. I want to be ME again. I'm so happy for you that you're going. Yahoo!

Take care:l:l

[BelleGirl]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hi Shue, Juja and WS. I saw a therapist for the first time yesterday. I am not new to therapy, but it has been years and like Juja's experience, my "lifesaver" is not available to me any more (we moved from that part of the country a few years ago). I am seeing her for anxiety issues, but I did bring up the "I have been abusing AL" topic. She reassured me that AL is the drug of choice for many people suffering from chronic anxiety. Yes, of course it is. But I need to deal with all my anxiety without drugs or alcohol! We are going to work on that. This appt. was pretty much about sharing my background with her. Not sure if I like her or not yet...just really miss my old therapist and will probably hold any one else up to her standard! I'll be seeing her weekly for a while...hoping for the best. At least I will hold myself AL accountable to her...as I told her I have not had a drink in 11 days.

[Juja]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Belle,

I hope your new therapist works out. Finding one to connect with is hard, and it's so important to those of us who need their services.

I have had delibilitating anxiety episodes most of my life. Deep breathing, meditation, exercise? Never worked for me. My anxiety can be so overwhelming that I feel like I am possessed, and cannot get myself back. My anxiety usually leads to severe depression. What works for me is Klonipin and Lexapro. Without those meds I probably would have committed suicide in 1999.

Oh, and I can't drink when I'm anxious. I never wanted a drink during those episodes. Nothing will go down my throat anyway. Not a good way to lose weight.

So, I understand both your situations, and hope beyond hope that you will find a good therapist and relief from the monster that robs you of your joy and freedom.

:l:l:l:l Juja

[available]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

hey guys

i suffer from depression and anxiety and nearly had a nervous breakdown a cple of years ago. i found a great psychologist who hypnotised me me and made me let go of past issues. Just a thought to pass on and i loved it. you were still in control of the situation but she made me archive my filing cabinet (brain) to get rid of things that had hurt me and made me the way i am.

[BelleGirl]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Juja, Thanks for your kind post. Anxiety and Depression definitely suck. I'm so sorry to hear of your rough times with those beasts. I seem to have a really bad episode every 7 years or so. I had been on Lexapro for a number of years but went off of it earlier in the year before all the crap seemed to start dropping on me. Nothing terrible, but just an annoying year of letdowns, changes and misery. Seems that I stay strong for all the crises, but when they are over, I fall apart. Tried to go back on the Lexapro, but it does not go well with drinking. HA. Was not sure it was working for me this time around, but with the AL, who knows. Switched to Zoloft a couple of days before I started going AF. I am 2 weeks on zoloft today, and today I felt like I am finally coming around. I still fear the mornings, when I am the most anxious.


Hey, I just noticed that you are a fellow Virginian!

[WineSucks]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hi Ladies.....I know it's late but I was at my Friday night card game. I am so blessed to have wonderful friends that don't drink. We drink coffee (so I hope I can sleep). Belle.....we are happy you are here. Available......I'm curious about the hypnosis. I am dealing with issues from my past that have kept me down....I need to deal with them. Juja and Shu - I am going to counseling for both the AL and to deal with stress. It's such a ridiculous cycle.....I drink because I'm anxious when really it should be......I'm anxious because I drink! I'll keep posting throughout my counseling...what I learn may be of use to someone else. I hope everyone has a great, sober weekend!

[available]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hey wine

when i nearly had my breakdown i got this really good psychologist and she asked if i wanted to try hypnosis and i was wary but had been hypnotised before so i thought why not. She told me to go into my filing cabinet (brain) and bring something out i wanted to get rid of. It came out randomly stuff i wanted to get rid of not in order. she would then tell me to visualise a screen with what i was thinking and when i had studied it to cut the cord and let it go. and it has so worked for me. but u need to find a psychologist u feel comfortable with. Its not for everyone but i found it really good. I let a lot go, i actually should start again as there is still so much more. hope this helps

[Juja]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Mornin' all

Wine>Yes, please share anything you learn that you think at therapy that you think might be helpful. Want us to split the bill with you? :H Good luck.

Belle>Thankfully, Lexapro hasn't pooped out on me yet. Last night as I was thinking about remaining AF, and remembered something about Lexapro causing liver damage. My stomach went into knots thinking about the AL I've consumed and what that, along with the Lexapro, may have done to my liver. I'll have bloodwork done in December, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I haven't done any damage from the combo. I also think the Lex and Klonipin have caused some of my weight gain. So be it. I have to have them. You might find the same with Zoloft. Weight gain is better than insanity.

Yes, we're fellow Virginians. Something I used to be proud of, but not so much anymore. Won't go into it in case our politics differ. Tis a beautiful place to live, however.

available>Go for the counseling, if you think it would be helpful. I would pursue it wholeheartedly if I had the time, and weren't worried about the cost. I'm retired, and things are a bit tight.

Have a fab day. It's beautiful here.

P.S. Hubs just called. He won't get home until 9 tonight. I have one more day to myself Yahoo!

[shueaddict]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Good glorious morning,

This time last week I was nursing a mild hangover that seemed to grow worse during the day.

WS, Belle, thank you so much for sharing. I am really interested in maybe giving this a go. I finished Jason Vale’s book but I am a bit skeptical as to kicking this nasty habit forever, it seems almost too easy.

Juja, sweetie, I did not know the extent of your condition, I fell like a prize idiot giving you advice – telling you to go out for walks and such. Anyway, at least it was heartfelt.

Take care ladies, I wish you a wonderful week.

[Twinkle Girl]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Hi Ladies,

Although I've been keeping up with everyone's progress recently I haven't posted for a while as I didn't feel I had anything positive to say after falling off the wagon badly after 30 glorious AF days. However, it's you guys that kept me motivated during that time so I'm wondering if it's OK for me to clamber back on that rocky wagon and start at Day 1 again?

I seem to be falling back into the same old patterns and constantly battling with how much wine I will or won't drink - I had half a bottle left in the fridge yesterday and was adamant that was going to be my lot for the day - we then visited friends who poured me a glass of white and then gave me the rest of the bottle to take home as they said it would end up down their sink!! Needless to say, I polished off the lot and feeling really cross and miserable today. It's like I can't rest until I've downed every last drop of wine in the house on a Sunday and then I can usually get through to Thurs before starting the whole miserable cycle again!!

WS - You're right, the Al Devil is a very sneaky character. It's great you have friends you can play cards and drink coffee with. I was worried some of my friends would give me a hard time when I wasn't drinking but they were great. I now realise I'm my worst enemy as the majority of my drinking is sneakily done alone. Good luck with the counselling.

Shue - You always sound so upbeat and vibrant and bring a smile to my face even in my worst hungover states. Just slapped on a collagen face mask and will wait to see if miracles really can happen!!

Day 1 here we come again....xx

[Juja]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Welcome back, Twinkle. You are never alone here, whatever the situation. A number us have bounced in and out of the wagon while on the bumpy road, and we are in no position to judge you. I, personally, am on Day 6 after hitting my head on a few big rocks in the road. Wish that wagon had seat belts!


:lJuja:l

[Juja]

All I Want Is 30 Days AF

Been working in the garage all day, going through boxes, sorting, discarding, and getting stuff ready to take to auction. Will be going out to dinner with DH, and a cold glass of chardonnay would be nice to reward my efforts, but I won't have 1--2,3,4. I may break bad and have a NA beer. I know some disagree with that, but I don't have a problem with it. Or, maybe I shouldn't do that. Hm-m-m.