I am so scared

[noodle]

I am so scared

Totally hearing you Blues, and everyone else who's posted. What a lot of love and support in the room!:h
Day 2 of strating over again for me too!! Your story is so much like mine, I too felt great sober, and gradually talked myself around to 'moderating', which totally didn't work out - straght back to where I was within 2 days - like you havefaith -wow, what a nightmare! Amazing how that happens. Focusing on the good and positive- We can do this! We have so much to look forward too, and thank God we WANT to stop, so many don't even get to that stage. Stay strong, good luck to you too Sharky x

[Blues Dancer]

I am so scared

I have identified my triggers and was doing great avoiding them or just getting through them. I am embarassed to admit this but the reason why I relapsed was because one of my co-workers stole $600 out of my purse which was hidden. I don't know who it was but we are a very tight group and all very good friends. I felt hurt and betrayed. I had had a very stressful week and that put me over the edge. I wasn't trying to mod. I know I can't. Today I see the stupidity of it all. Nothing is ever worth drinking over. Nothing. Life will always be stressful at times. I need to find a way to deal with the unexpected. I can avoid my triggers. I can't avoid life. Again thank you all for the love and support. It really means alot to me.

[scottish lass]

I am so scared

Joining in - day 2 for me - AGAIN! I like what I am reading about relapse being part of the whole kittencaboodle. Each time I do feel a little stronger - I seem to jump back quicker and hate the drinking even more - so maybe I am becoming rewired. I just need to shoot the other little voices - the one more won't hurt, how good just one glass would be after a hard days works etc - they are looming now as it is almost time to pack up and head for teh communte home. Checking in so I have strentgh to head directly home, do not stop! We can all do it together!!!

[Jackie M]

I am so scared

Hey BD-
Sorry you got ripped off by one of your coworkers. I've had my car and apartment broken into and I know how it feels. It's even worse when it's someone you thought you could trust.
Glad you came back and posted. It takes a lot to come back here and admit a slip up. I'm sure there is not one person here who hasn't slipped. Personally I have done it more times than I can count.
Hang in there sister.
Peace,
Jackie M

[Blues Dancer]

I am so scared

I want to express my deepest gratitude to everyone for your kind words and advice. I have tweaked my plan on Jackieclaires advice. I now know that I have to stick to the plan for a minnimum of 120 days even though it is inconvienent at times. I never want to drink again. I have to accept that recovery is a process and I need to allow time for my brain to rewired.

Freda, Sharky, Noodle, Scottish Lass- we will do this. No more day 1's for us.

Thanks again everyone. You've been tremendously helpful. I'm still scared, but I'm not giving up.

[Sharky]

I am so scared

Hang in there Blues! Day 2 (feel a whole lot better today). We can all do this together!

[JackieClaire]

I am so scared

Blues,
So glad I could be of some help, and I'm with DG great it's cracking that you're willing to throw every thing at this.

J x
:l

[noodle]

I am so scared

Hope you're still going great guns Blues, and everyone else! Pretty revved up and really enjoying my new sober life (I know it's only day 3, but feelin excited!). Wishing everyone strength! xxx:h

[Blues Dancer]

I am so scared

Yes. I'm sticking to my guns Noodle. I'm still upset with myself, but I'm moving forward. I'm not letting this turn into a major relapse. I am considering seeking professional help. I was thinking my relapse was caused by one trigger, but the reality of it all was that I was over tired, over whelmed, and over stressed and just lost it. Atleast, I learned something from my relapse I guess. Glad to hear you are still AF. I just know we can all do this.

[LydiaTPot]

I am so scared

Please help me

Hi this is my Day 1 and I am soo scared. I am a single mother of two children my husband died in January of alcoholism, I found his body, we had split up a year ago because I could not cope with his alcoholism and knew that I was on a slippery slope myself. (If I am to be honest I too had a problem all along but begged him to stop with me, of course - he couldn't) when he left my alcohol intake reduced dramatically (one bottle of wine a day instead of two) and I felt fabulous, that I wasn't a hopeless cause and that I was right to end our marriage, as I COULD get sober: Despite having to lose my job, business and career and start again at 44 in debt and a student. (We worked together as a double act) But as the children and I watc hed him go completely downhill (I'd controlled him for 20 years,) within days of us splitting he was on 2 bottles of vodka and 2 bottles of wine a day. We watched him turn into the town tramp and it was truly horrendous. I tried to help him but I couldn't and I feel such a hypocrite that despite all that my consumption has gone up and down since then but NEVER a dry day. So I now realise I am as bad as him and I don't want to die like that and I don't want to do it to my two lovely girls or ME. BUT I seem to have crossed a line in that I have told myself I CAN'T do it and that is my fate. I have no support network so I need you to help me believe in myself. I have got a hypnotherapy CD which I am going to put on now. I am scared that I will get DTs and need hospital and there is noone here to help. But if I am sensible I think I should be OK cos I managed 5 days a few months ago. But it is that fear that is holding me back, terror of having severe withdrawal symptoms with no adult present but I am going ahead anyway. Please support me and those of you who pray, please pray for me. Thank you.

[Neveah]

I am so scared

Hi there Lydia,
There is help for you here on the forum! I am so sorry to hear about your husband! But you can do this- for yourself most importantly and also for your children. If you need to you can call someone at the AA hotline in your area and have someone that will talk and listen. If you need them too they can take you to an AA meeting. At the meeting you will meet so many people who understand and are willing to help. I only mention this because you said you don't have network support. Please have faith and keep posting here. We all understand how horribly alcohol can affect our lives and the lives of the ones we love.
I will pray for you!

Neveah

[daisy45]

I am so scared

Hi Lydia and :welcome:! So sorry; you and your children have been through so much. It will take a while to find your way around here but you have sooo come to the right place! A good starting place for you to post is the Newbies Nest - you will get so much support......
Glad you have found us and look forward to getting to know you.....come here as much as you can.......read and post; you'll be so glad you did..........
I'll say a wee prayer for you......

[LydiaTPot]

I am so scared

Thank you bothx Now to sleep - I hope! so much for my early night!!!

[merry]

I am so scared

Hello all of you
sorry you relapsed but at least you know you can do 40 days so make that a goal I said a day at a time then a week at a time then a month July is starting this week join the af group for july when it starts off
We all have to start again and again before it finally clicks
We all just have to start again I found this site has helped me and thankyou all for being there I now have 7 weeks af and it wouldn't have happened without checking in here everyday so thankyou all

[noodle]

I am so scared

Ditto what Merry just said.
LydiaTPot, what an awfull time you've had of it, Imy heart and thoughts go out to you and your family. Despite all the hooros, try and look at the positive (hard it must seem), you're turning your mind around to trying to stop - that's a huge leap forward. Let us know how you go on, hugs to all your family xx