any suggestions?

[thatagirl]

Hi,

ive been on this site reading for 2 years. I have only posted once or twice in the beginning. I had a counseling meeting today regarding my 15 year old son. He has been drinking, smoking pot, and taking different prescription pills on and off for 2 years. I am not sure which one is most, the on or the off. The dr. suggested I send him to a residential treatment center or a wilderness program. I am so scared. Does anyone have any first hand experience with these programs from a child, self, or family member/friend? I live in NC. WOuld like to find a place relatively close. Within 4-5 hrs. since family participation is needed a few times a month.

As for me, I am on day 8 without alcohol which happens to be my substance of choice. I can not say I have been completely sober for 8 days though. I have dabbled in a little weed, and a few prescription narcotics to get through my first 8 days without beer. My first 8 day stretch in about 2 years, only 2nd time in about 7 years.

I appreciate any response. I am desperate for my son. Very smart in school, well liked by friends, no trouble with the law. He just thinks nothing is wrong with using and he doesnt seem to mind being careless. I do not have to look through his room, he often leaves things almost out in the open. Tells me he doesnt have an issue, if anyone does it is me. He says he'll never speak to me again if i make him go to treatment, if anyone needs treatment it is me.

[Barbara1234]

any suggestions?

Hey thatagirl,

It sounds to me like he is following in your footsteps. What is a wilderness program? If it is like a summer camp, I would send him immediately. Where will he be in a few years if you don't nip it in the bud NOW?
Does he know that you smoke pot? Where is he getting the prescription drugs?
Is Dad around? If you love your son, be his mother. He is too young to give you an ultimatum.
Your son is processing wrong messages, the addiction will only get worse. He is probably hanging around the wrong people as well. This is not his decision, sweetheart, if it were me I would consider
sending him to the wilderness program as saving my son's life.
Don't ever let him know what you are doing, it will only reinforce his belief system.
You should stay around here and get help yourself. Read the book and listen to the CD's to start. Sounds like you are both young enough to have many many years without poison.
There are tons of people here who can help. Why don't you join us?
Congratulations on your day 8, keep going, keep posting, and keep asking questions.....:welcome:

[ThreeDogNight]

any suggestions?

Hi, Thatagirl.

I have the same question Barbara asked: where is he getting the stuff, especially prescription drugs? I guess kids can get hold of anything if they really want to.

I think a wilderness program is where they have kids in a kind of camp doing outdoor activities, but getting addiction help along with it. Is that right? I live in New England, so dont know of places near you. I'd ask the counselor you saw yesterday, as he is the one who suggested it. I am going to a rehab place in VT next week, and I know that they have a very successful adolescent program, but it isn't a wilderness program. If you send me a pm, I'll give you the info.

Help your son, even if you have to do an intervention, as it will only get worse. Have you ever seen the tv show "Intervention" on A&E? I watched it on Monday night for the first time in over a year, and one hour was all about two young kids addicted to Heroin. They got into treatment, and they showed them two years later, and they were doing well. Your son can get clean and go to school at the same time if he gets to the right place.

I wish you continued success with your own issues, and success with getting your son into treatment soon.

TDN:welcome:

[Lavande]

any suggestions?

Hi thatgirl,

I would suggest possibly a phone call to your local police department regarding your son. I say this because my husband is a retired detective & has counselled many young people. A good 'scared straight' kind of talk would probably do your son a lot of good. He needs to be reminded that what he's doing is illegal & he is playing with fire! Consider a future of health problems related to drug & AL use, lawyer fees, court costs, possible jail time, etc.

Allowing a 15 year old to control this situation is definitely not in his best interest or yours!!!

Keep yourself moving forward & show him what you can do & expect from him as well!

[havefaith]

any suggestions?

I know you really love your Son! And it probably hurts you Feelings when he says he will never speak to you again if you send him off to Rehab. Well guess what, my brother said the same thing to my Mom, & out of guilt she did nothing. My Brother is Dead! He OD in the heart of Los Angeles(and wasn't found for Days) He started out just like your son -smoking pot,pills, and just hanging out with the wrong crowd.
He was very Defiant, and only wanted things his way, His way put him in the ground.
Now I know as alcoholics we sometimes feel helpless- but right now he REALLY needs your help.
Please, I'm begging you get HELP for your son & yourself. Doing nothing, can end up in Tragedy!

[thatagirl]

any suggestions?

Thank you guys so much for you replies. I am not sure why i am getting so nervous and second guessing myself. Comes with personal addiction, guilt, and shame. I do love my son tremendously and I want better for him. Even better than i want for myself. I ended up having a few beers last night so i counted day 8 a bit too soon. Not sure why i did, almost had to talk myself into it. how dumb can i be? My son, or any of the teens can get about anything they want. Not sure how he is getting the money. I have a feeling he is selling a little to get his share. No job and i give him very little cash and that is only when he has a specific plan. Who knows though, maybe his McDonald's and Subway money is really for substances. Some of my family members think i am overreacting. I do not see things stopping. As with me, they usually only get worse. As for his Dad, we seperated 13 months ago. We live only about a mile apart but usually dont see eye to eye on most things.

Please keep me and my son in your thoughts. I need sobriety more than ever. For myself, as well as my sons.

Thanks

[Barbara1234]

any suggestions?

Hi thatagirl,

Total strangers keeping you and your son in our thoughts isn't going to do squat for you or your son. Get up off your ass and do something.
Sorry if you think that is too harsh, but you are in deep denial.
Using your family member's opinions are also a cop out. Get real.

[havefaith]

any suggestions?

I agree with Barbara- This is definately something where you have to take Action!
Please respond by saying, He, or Both of you will be going to some sort of Rehab.......

[Muppett]

any suggestions?

Excellent response Barbara.

[Dave_]

any suggestions?

Thatagirl,

Like most of us here, you know what hell a life of addiction is. All relationships are damaged, bad choices are made and the spark of potential is crushed under the soul destroying weight of addictive behaviour and the resulting guilt and self loathing that comes with it.

We also know that the early days of addiction are not like this. We all have it under control, we all enjoy the feeling of freedom that our drug and alcohol use gives us and many of us have a hell of lot of fun with our rebelious attitudes and devil may care attitudes. This state of being is temporary and pursued long enough and with enough vigour the true realities of addiction eventually catch up with us all. There is no such thing as a happy addict.

This is not the life I want for my children and I would guess this is not what you would want for your son. As a parent you have to cleave through the haze of your own addictions and resulting self cetnered behaviour and recognise that your son is in very real danger of following us all down a sad and destructive pathway.

Now is the time to stand up and be counted! This is the single most important thing you will ever do for your son and he may well hate you for it now but in the long run he will be far better off if you can divert him away from what drugs and alcohol will do to his life.

Your first step will be to lead by example and make a stand in your own life that this is not good enough. Dump the pot, lay down the booze and throw yourself into changing your life for the better. Get some help for your son and nip this in the bud now, the world does not need another apprentice addict. He will thank you for it in later years.

[autumn]

any suggestions?

This has really hit home, in so many ways. So forgive me now if I grab the crystal ball. I worry he will end up messed up quite badly as we are. It's really not hard to see that coming. Just think back to how we were. I am in the same sort of space with my darling step son. HUGE family politics, save that fess up for another day.

I have been trying to say to my DH, I can see the same warning flags when I was a teenager growing up. He just is so prone to the all or nothing. Dear DH thought I was being a drama queen based on my own miss-spent youth, and did the whole fingers in the ear...... laaa laaa cant hear you, my son is just fine.

But there have been incedents where he has been picked up by paramedics drunk and passed out on Vodka, (he is 15) the OMG one was they had to involve the police he was carrying a knife for protection. But the police officer took one look at this really broken teenager and knew he was not a threat. I was beside myself as the UK supposedly has a tough crime programme... carry a knife and off to prison.

So I am scared stupid he might start smoking weed. Or maybe he is, he does not live with us, so I cant see the warning signs. Not the genteel stuff I puffed on 20 years ago. How bloody old am I! But the hard core brain chemical mess you up stuff they can buy today. Ironically I see this in my daily job and its not funny:upset: It causes major problems.

Please do everything you can, everything with tough love and wilderness camp if need be. Why would you want this kid to have to go through the every daily battle we fight with??

If I could preach one thing it would be, "It's not clever, it's not funny and when you are a full blown alkie, no one is laughing"

[crocster]

any suggestions?

Hi ThataGirl,

Is your ex one of the relatives who don't see a problem with your son's behaviour? If he is and, for legal reasons, both of you have to agree before your son can be required to go somewhere that could be a problem.

Getting clean and sober yourself is the first step anyway IMO. The clarity and self respect you regain will help you to effectively help him.