Hi everyone,
I am new to this forum. I've always had issues with alcohol, it just didn't sink in as a real problem until 4 years ago. I use to waitress and bartend. Was very good at what I did, figured why not be in a job where I could be social and make money at the same time until I figured out what I wanted to do wtih my life. They were some of the funnest times I remember until I slowly started drinking behind the bar to make some nights go by faster. After 2 years of batteling working and comming home, pulling out the beer and whiskey at night, waking up feeling normal something quickly changed. I found myself taking shots in the morning to balance myself out. I figured since I was still young I could no way be 'addicted' just a bit past my limit and needed to slow down. Wasn't until around my daughter's 4th birthday that the unthinkable to me happend. I met my sister at a fast food place so we could grab a bite to eat before we went shopping for my kid's birthday party. I hadn't drank anything in 24 hours and was feeling sick but firgured it would pass. She took my daughter to the restroom and then the room started spinning, I couldn't talk and it felt like a powerful force was pulling me to the ground. An ambulance was called and I was rushed to the ER scared and couldn't breathe. I was told later that I had multiple seizures, and I was having severe withdrawls and DT's. I couldn't function for a couple weeks after that. I was completly scared, had horrible panic attacks and just felt like I was going to die and insane. I checked into an out patient treatment program. Did it for 8 months. 3 group meetings a week and 2 one on one therapy sessions a week. I was commited to getting better. I did for a while and slowly went back to casual drinking when I thought my life was in control again. haha, right? Now years later I feel like I am right back into it. Not as severe, but binge drinking once a week has me scared as hell just like before. I do not think of drinking all day, or need it in the mornings, but have no problem buying an 18 pack when friday comes and end up drinking the whole thing by myself. I KNOW it will become a daily thing if I do not stop now. I am back taking antabuse. First dose was today. My head is foggy from my last binge 2 days ago and I feel like I am just going to fall asleep and not wake up. At the least I know I will not drink on antabuse. I tried it once a long time ago and the outcome was horrible, vomiting everywhere until dry heaving, whole body beat red, heart pounding so fast... no way. Was worse then any hangover I had ever had and lasted so much longer. So here I am again but THIS time I have accepted that I am an alcoholic. That was something I have fought since the beginning. I would casualy drink just to prove to myself I wasn't one. I am sure so many people have tried that, I can't be the first. I have 2 children now and there is so much joy taking care of them when I don't drink. I absolutly love waking up, making breakfast, cleaning the house, doing laundry, all the stuff a home maker does. I enjoy it and it's not a burden. What drives my mind to wanting to drink I haven't fully figured out yet. I do think about it when I drink though but it passes after the 4th beer. I don't even have the long cravings to drink often, but when the weekend hits I instinctively go right into the liquor store after buying all the groceries and house things we need. I only do this at evening time, when I know my husband will be home from work soon and I don't have to drive. One drink in me and I get high anxiety if I even think about driving, especialy since I drive every with my children with me. I am sure there are women and men out there who relate to my life.
I am new to this forum. I've always had issues with alcohol, it just didn't sink in as a real problem until 4 years ago. I use to waitress and bartend. Was very good at what I did, figured why not be in a job where I could be social and make money at the same time until I figured out what I wanted to do wtih my life. They were some of the funnest times I remember until I slowly started drinking behind the bar to make some nights go by faster. After 2 years of batteling working and comming home, pulling out the beer and whiskey at night, waking up feeling normal something quickly changed. I found myself taking shots in the morning to balance myself out. I figured since I was still young I could no way be 'addicted' just a bit past my limit and needed to slow down. Wasn't until around my daughter's 4th birthday that the unthinkable to me happend. I met my sister at a fast food place so we could grab a bite to eat before we went shopping for my kid's birthday party. I hadn't drank anything in 24 hours and was feeling sick but firgured it would pass. She took my daughter to the restroom and then the room started spinning, I couldn't talk and it felt like a powerful force was pulling me to the ground. An ambulance was called and I was rushed to the ER scared and couldn't breathe. I was told later that I had multiple seizures, and I was having severe withdrawls and DT's. I couldn't function for a couple weeks after that. I was completly scared, had horrible panic attacks and just felt like I was going to die and insane. I checked into an out patient treatment program. Did it for 8 months. 3 group meetings a week and 2 one on one therapy sessions a week. I was commited to getting better. I did for a while and slowly went back to casual drinking when I thought my life was in control again. haha, right? Now years later I feel like I am right back into it. Not as severe, but binge drinking once a week has me scared as hell just like before. I do not think of drinking all day, or need it in the mornings, but have no problem buying an 18 pack when friday comes and end up drinking the whole thing by myself. I KNOW it will become a daily thing if I do not stop now. I am back taking antabuse. First dose was today. My head is foggy from my last binge 2 days ago and I feel like I am just going to fall asleep and not wake up. At the least I know I will not drink on antabuse. I tried it once a long time ago and the outcome was horrible, vomiting everywhere until dry heaving, whole body beat red, heart pounding so fast... no way. Was worse then any hangover I had ever had and lasted so much longer. So here I am again but THIS time I have accepted that I am an alcoholic. That was something I have fought since the beginning. I would casualy drink just to prove to myself I wasn't one. I am sure so many people have tried that, I can't be the first. I have 2 children now and there is so much joy taking care of them when I don't drink. I absolutly love waking up, making breakfast, cleaning the house, doing laundry, all the stuff a home maker does. I enjoy it and it's not a burden. What drives my mind to wanting to drink I haven't fully figured out yet. I do think about it when I drink though but it passes after the 4th beer. I don't even have the long cravings to drink often, but when the weekend hits I instinctively go right into the liquor store after buying all the groceries and house things we need. I only do this at evening time, when I know my husband will be home from work soon and I don't have to drive. One drink in me and I get high anxiety if I even think about driving, especialy since I drive every with my children with me. I am sure there are women and men out there who relate to my life.
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